I am afraid that one day I will learn to grow accustomed to the uneasiness and discontent within me. I fear that I might become numb to the world around me, and forget to distinguish between our current reality and future possibility. Passing from room to room, news stories flood past me illustrating accounts of hurt, suffering, selfishness, and violence that pound outside the walls of my safe home. Within a matter of a few steps, I walk out my side door and into a car which comfortably carries me onward. The world seems so safe behind these shields of glass.

I am becoming familiar with the culture and structure of the world I've come to know, and it takes all that I am to deviate from that comfort.

I've been aware of this frustration for some time now, but it hit me today while I was at a lawn-mower dealership. While my dad was signing the paperwork, I was out in the showroom and began talking with one of the salesman. Without intending to, our conversation started to focus on my time in Haiti and some of the work we were doing down there with New Leaf. And more than once, he made the comment to me, 'thank you so much for everything you do, the world needs more people like you.' And while I was extremely grateful and humbled by his comments and gratitude, I was also upset. That uneasiness in the pit of my stomach came back, and I wasn't entirely sure why at first.

This evening I was reading through some thoughts by Shane Claiborne (from a Christian perspective, he's got some awesome stuff) and I came across a quote of his that summed up what I felt earlier in the day.

"Sometimes people call folks here at the Simple Way saints. Usually they either want to applaud our lives and live vicariously through us, or they want to write us off as superhuman and create a safe distance. One of my favorite quotes, written on my wall here in bold black marker, is from Dorothy Day: "Don't call us saints; we don't want to be dismissed that easily"

I don't know the life story of the gentleman I was talking with today at the lawn-mower store, and simply from our brief talk, it sounded like he truly was concerned about the pain and suffering that people felt in Haiti. But I get concerned when people begin proping others up as saints. We so quickly label those who do extra-ordinary acts as saints, angels, or blessings in disguise. Without knowing it or intending to, we distance ourselves and put them on a pedastol that makes us feel ok with the way our lives are lived. It's similar to how we view Olympians - they are simply super-athletes capable of things we could never dream about. But every Olympian gets to where they are at through practice. And every saint is capable of achieving the extraordinary through discipline and love.

I have been blessed to be given opportunities to stretch my comfort zone. But I never want those opportunities to set me apart from others who are capable of the same and so much more.

When I talk about my trip to Haiti, I don't want people walking away thinking how great it was that I took the time to travel there and help out. Rather, I want people to walk away thinking about the residents of Port-au-prince, the ones who live there day in and day out beneath a sheet of plastic and on nothing more than a thin blanket. They are the angels in disguise and ones who God loves with all his heart.

In Matthew, Christ says "So the last will be first, and the first will be last." Our culture has come to put great emphasis and praise upon those who are first in the world, and they are the ones rewarded with comfortable walls and comfortable cars. But as humanitarian and charitable activities receive greater and greater attention in our media, may those of us who find ourselves in that work be careful not to remain content with being labeled 'first.'

Shane writes "Christianity is at its best when it is peculiar, marginalized, suffering, and it is at its worst when it is popular, credible, triumphal, and powerful."

Continue to look for ways to be last, for it is in those places where God truly begins to work miracles. Humility is more than modesty - it is a discipline of placing ourselves 'last' and being ever wary of the comforts of being 'first.'