Well for those of you who don’t know, the impossible has happened. This was an event of epic proportions, one that will be told about for generations through story and song. Its more unbelievable then Richard Simmons running for president… actually that will probably happen at some point considering the world today. Ok, so a better example would that it is more unbelievable to Grimm giving birth… to a rhino… on the moon. Yes my friends, it is that unlikely.
Steven Franklin Marshall Jr. has eaten fruit. I will pause for a moment while you try to gather yourself. But yes it is true, he ate fruit… willingly too I might add. Before last night, I thought that if Spud was the only human in the garden of Eden then humanity would surely have been without sin. But he too gave into temptation and ate the forbidden fruit.
As you all may know, there have been countless occasions (well 4 I think) where I was forced to eat eggs which is one of the few foods that makes me wish I was never born. And ever since the laughter that has erupted from Spud during these occasions, I made it my mission to get Spud to, one way or another, eat fruit or drink something other than water. Grimm and I schemed up many plans on how to make my dream a reality, plans like waiting until our water was almost completely gone and then dumping fruit concentrate into the last of the water. We even decided that if by the end of our trip Spud didn’t eat fruit, we would wrestle him to the ground and force feed it too him.
Before last night when Spud actually took the plunge, we did have one close call. We visited a church and were asked after the service to come into the pastors office. We were having a great time chatting with him and getting to know him when someone brings in a stack of sodas and some tea. The pastor asked each of us to take a drink. Here we thought that Spud would have to cave into this African tradition, but he held firm. He told the pastor he only drank water. The pastor looked everywhere for water but couldn’t find it. So he started telling us about how it’s proper for Africans to offer their guests something to drink because if they leave the house with nothing in their stomachs it is a disgrace to the host. Even after this story Spud, being the stubborn fruit hater that he is, refused to drink anything other than water. So the pastor decided to give him something since Spud refused to drink anything so he gave him a bar of soap. For some reason Spud was more than elated about this. This just goes to show you the depths of Spud’s determination to never eat anything from a plant that actually tastes good.
That being said, the impossible still happened. Even though Spud said that he would rather live in a pile of feces for the rest of his life than eat fruit, he still sank his teeth into one… well actually I think he swallowed it whole… but the point it that it entered his digestive track and he did in fact taste it.
The main reason why this happened was that the Mammas (our cooks) made a stew that contained potatoes, beef, carrots, and most importantly banana. Under any normal circumstances, Spud would have avoided this recipe for disaster. But he was coaxed into taking a spoon full of the stew by the Mammas who were standing right there telling him to have some. And, considering that it was in fact our main dish, Spud finally caved and put some of the stew on his plate. This of course made me and Grimm elated because this was the closest we had come thus far.
Spud began eating everything else on his plate but the stew, mean while I tried to slickly convince him that he happened to not get any banana on his plate. I had the lure all set, but fish didn’t bite. I didn’t realize that over the years, Spud had acquired a 6th sense: he can sense the presence of fruit. So Spud began to eat the other parts of the stew, leaving the small banana pieces that were almost indiscernible from the rest of the stew.
This is where Grimm and I saw our chance. We convinced Spud that with every little bite of stew he ate, along with it came tiny bits of banana and that he had already defiled himself. Once he admitted that, we convinced him that since he lost his fruit virginity already, he might as well go the whole way. So after several minutes of much mental and emotional distress, Spud agreed to do it, and he ate a fork full (yes full) of banana and potato (this occurred exactly at 8:36 on Monday June 4th 2007).
Let me tell you folks that this was by far the greatest moment of the whole trip. Spud swallowed that bite so fast I was almost unsure if he actually put it in his mouth or dropped in on the floor. We convinced him to yet again take a bite of a banana as a graduation gift for Ali. And, yet again, Spud ate a whole bite of banana… and this time it was completely by itself… and he chewed it! So Ali you should feel valued because you are apparently more important than our pastor friend.
I would just like to go on record by saying that convincing Spud to do this is one of the proudest moments of my life. I may even include this story on my resume. So I guess this all just goes to show that you can teach an old dog new tricks.