Where in the World is Spud?

Moving to www.iamspud.com

2011-07-22T17:53:00.000-07:00

I'm moving sites!!! It's like moving apartments except I have no boxes or couches to move - how cool :)

Please keep following all my updates over at www.iamspud.com for the latest and greatest things from the world of Spud. Plus, the new site has lots more other than blog updates, including photos, videos, projects and design work that I've done. Trust me, it's good stuff!

Here's a preview of what you'll find...

Updates from the Music Project

2011-07-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

I blog in numerous spots, and wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to read some of my other thoughts over at New Leaf Initiative about the work we are doing in the tent camps with musicians there. Take the time to read through the updates, another one will most likely be coming in the next couple days to recap the end of the trip.

Music in the Tent Camp - Update #1

Music in the Tent Camp - Update #2

If you have enjoyed the blog posts over the past month and are interested in seeing that my work down there continues, please consider donating at http://www.indiegogo.com/tent-camp-music

I don't like asking for money one bit and prefer that my posts don't make calls for money, but in that case, I feel it is extremely important. I am currently putting together a promotional video for the project which will hopefully be ready in the next two weeks - stay tuned for that update :) Thank you once again for all your support and encouragement, all the messages and comments mean the world to me!

concrete alleys and passing tires

2011-06-24T22:03:00.000-07:00

Devoid of light, the night sky is crisp and smooth. Pinpoints of light in a vast expanse, the stars shine proudly from their heavenly view. The mountains struggle to faintly define their silhouette against the darkness and occasional lights in the homes scattered across the hillside seem to reflect the stars high above like a ripple-free lake.

I stand in perfect stillness, not wanting to interrupt the perfection surrounding me. My heart seems to stop beating out of respect, and not a sound can be heard. Quiet. Complete calm. Perfection.

The birds of the night begin their chorus song, echoing across the valleys and ridge lines.

I struggle to keep unnecessary thoughts out of my head. I want to remember every ounce of these surroundings. The stones that line the earth beneath me, I can feel their every contour under the soles of my shoes. The leaves of an apricot tree sway to the song of the choir, beckoning the moon to shine more light on their dance. I close my eyelids and soak it all in. I no longer feel like I am in Port-au-prince.

Twenty minutes down the mountain road and the congestion, corruption and commotion of a fractured and bustling Caribbean city comes to life. Concrete replaces the trees' canopy and the song birds are muffled by the movement of passing tires.

This is an escape, a reminder of the natural beauty this city has to offer. Trees struggle for their existence in a country that has only 1% of their forests remaining. The soil holding their roots is shallow in comparison to the neighboring country of the Dominican Republic as a result of continued erosion. The rains take their toll on the country and the bonds of poverty become harder and harder to break as the environment continues to fall apart under their feet. Under the concrete and plastic below, the bonds seem too much to break free from, but up here, in the darkness and safety of the trees, the song birds sing a song of hope.

It is with these thoughts that I jump back into our small four-by-four and head back down the mountain. I know what lies ahead, and I feel encouraged and strengthened with my renewed hope for this country. Twenty minutes pass, and the concrete hits with tenacity. The potholes welcome us back and we drive past the tent camps once more. I hate every time that I have to drive by a tent camp in a car, I don't like the thought that I only have to deal with 'that situation' for a mere 5 seconds, the time it takes to veer around a pile of rubble. I want to confront the uncomfortable. I want to delve into the poverty.

Seconds later and the tent camp is out of sight, but I fight to keep it in mind. It is too easy to become numb to the sites and sounds in Port-au-prince and I want to make sure that my time down here doesn't cause me to belittle the severity of everything around me.

Although it doesn't take long for a new site to grasp my focus.

Turning the corner, our car slows down as we move around a few pot-holes. As we near the curb, two girls walk out from the shadows dressed in glittery shirts and with their hair done up. They can't be more than 15. One wears tight black pants while the other has a short skirt on. They try to act confident but their size and age make it impossible to seem anything more than nervous. They start to approach our car.

I had heard about the girls in the tent camp who have no other choice but to sell their bodies at night. With no other way to bring in money for their family, sometimes which they are the head of the household, they turn to the streets at night. For $2-3, they can get just enough to buy rice or spaghetti for the next day. I had read the statistics. I had heard the reasoning for why girls have to make this decision. I had thought I understood the problem.

But on that street corner, sitting idle beside the pothole as the shadows lurch toward my car window, I realize that I have no idea what these girls face day-in and day-out. The girls' face burns in my mind. Her eyes seem to penetrate my own through the car's window and her gaze digs deep into my soul. I can feel it digging, and my soul is like deep soil for her eyes to take root in. Deeper and deeper they go and I do nothing to stop the feeling. Unlike the tent camps, this is a site that will not fade away. I don't have to fight to keep this picture in my mind.

The car picks up speed and as quickly as we turned the corner, we are gone. The girl inches back into the shadows and waits for the next passing car as it slows beside her curb.

Innocence fades into indistinguishable dark shapes, her fate stolen by circumstances outside of her control. Another victim to these concrete alleys and passing tires.

I know from my time down here over the last month that it takes about 15 minutes to get back to the apartment from where we are. I know which buildings are most destroyed and where the best street vendors are along that route. I know the potholes and the speed-bumps. But in these next 15 minutes, all I can think about is that face and those eyes.

I stare outside with a blank glaze, anger swelling within. I try to convince myself that perhaps she was not a child prostitute and I made a false judgement too quickly. Perhaps she still has her innocence. But a 'perhaps' does little to settle the discontent that causes my stomach to flip inside.

The car feels like a prison and I look up into the sky to find escape. The dark night seems to have changed so drastically during our drive.

No longer crisp.
No longer smooth.
No longer perfection.

Clouds of ash and grey swirl in the darkness and conceal the pinpoints of light. Like a renaissance painting which has been run over by a tire caked in grey mud, I try with all I can to focus solely on the beauty beneath. But the smudges of grey are too much and I can't take my eyes off of them. I get frustrated with the clouds, my body begins to tense, my heart is racing and I close my eyes to escape the clouds' presence. They disappear, but the face remains. Burned into the back of my eyelids, I can think of nothing else, and a tear begins to roll down my cheek.

the street below

2011-06-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

A stray piece of styrofoam lies downstream from the pack, stranded alone and waiting for a breeze of the wind to carry it back to the group. On these streets, litter huddles together like violent gangs of the inner-city, and their presence is well known to all who walk on by. The dumpsters, designed to contain their entirety, are no match and overflow in all directions. The trash forms streams and moves swiftly onto the street before taken up by a passing tire. Passer-bys walk with their eyes directed elsewhere as they maneuver past, only to be met by a similar gang a few blocks down the road.

One brave, older women ventures into the mess with a small broom, made from nothing more than a tree branch and some straw bunched together, and attempts to clear a small patch where she can set up her shop for the afternoon. All the other spots are taken along the street. She doesn't need much room, just enough space for a bucket to sit on and a place to set a basket of laundry and cleaning supplies. Twenty feet down the road a younger lady sells the same items, I begin to wonder how so many vendors can sell the same thing.

As I walk on, I come to another trash gang up ahead, this one average in size and only overflowing on two of the four sides. There's movement in the trash and from a distance, i cannot entirely tell what is disrupting the peace. Nearing the pile, I find a family of baby chicks emerging from underneath. The mother hen stands guard along the dumpster wall, watching as her flock of nearly a half dozen children wade through the trash looking for food for the day. The heat of the trash creates a slight haze of fog lifting all around the baby chicks, and they dart in and out of the styrofoam containers and plastic bottles with ease.

I walk by, inches from the family, yet they seem unaware of my nearness. I stop and smile, and then move on. Up ahead, I pass by another series of street-side vendors, some of which are cooking and selling chicken. The road beneath them is littered in small plastic water bags, much like the ones that milk are served in at elementary school. Like a forest after a gentle snowfall, with occasional patches of white scattered across it's twig-strewn floor, the streets are littered in plastic. The bags do not carry enough importance to join forces with the larger trash gangs, they are simply tossed aside and quickly carried by the breeze. The bags seem to know they are not welcomed in the trash piles, and form a grouping of their own. Their pile is more uniform than the larger trash gangs and they cover a greater distance, although more sparse. The dust from passing vehicles forms a thin layer of earth on top and soon, they begin to fade into the ground, fooling the time nature needs to break down the plastic's synthetic bonds.

I turn the next corner and can see my apartment up at the top of the hill. I dodge an open sewer hole in which a trash gang has made it's home within. A small plant seems to grow from within and for a second, I begin to hope that maybe the trash has the ability to produce and harbor life, but as my gaze looks up once more, I see a pile of trash being burned and the smell quickly changes my mind. Plumes of grey smoke slowly billow out of the pile, and a faint flame can be seen underneath the great mound. Plastic bottles melt into pools of bubbling chemicals and the speckles of color are charred into a dull grey. A layer of mud seems to clothe the pile and the pockets of air find their way to the surface and escape into the shuffling crowd.

I join the crowd myself and lifting my eyes toward the horizon, i avoid the stares from the trash below. You learn to become numb to it's presence beneath your feet, and i find my mind racing to other thoughts and concerns.

passerby

2011-06-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

The dust kicks up from the trucks traveling north and I veer to the side to shield my eyes. A snake of vehicles meanders down the mountain and loose stones roll precariously down the middle of the road. The trees lining the road offer little shade as the sun beats down from high above and scorches the land below. Every inch of shade is preciously guarded by those who sell goods along the street and they watch with keen interest as i walk on by.

For as much of an effort that i make to avoid staring at the people and sites I walk by, the courtesy is not always returned and I can feel the eyes beating down on me from both sides of the street. I can't blame them, it's doubtful that they ever see a white person walking these streets by themselves, if at all. They most likely know I am lost, but i doubt they realize it is done on intention. During my time here, i have yet to see one other white person walking the streets of port-au-prince. They are always in some form of vehicle and most often in groups driving to the comfort of their next stop ahead.

I continue walking and come across a vehicle full of what i assume to be missionaries from America. They try not to stare but it is clear that they are watching my steps and wondering what I'm doing outside on my own. I seem to be more fascinating to them than the crowds of people and crumbling buildings behind me.

Perhaps its my inability to speak the language - a skill I am forever envious of others who are able to pick up languages with such ease - and I find that my best way to get to know the culture is to simoly walk their streets and sit in their guarded patches of shade. It is my feeble attempt to show that I want to learn from them and simply be with them. I may not be able to communicate, but by placing myself where they are, I hope that i can bridge a path to friendship.

Martin Buber, a Jewish philosopher, talks about how we have two choices in life; we can look around and see people as objects, as 'its', or we can choose to enter into their lives, into their humanity, and view them as a 'thou.' Sometimes it feels that the thin piece of glass wedged in a car window is enough to separate an 'it' from a 'thou.' for now, I'll place myself on the other side of the glass and out on the streets.

I don't want to judge those driving in the cars though, i understand the potential safety risks, the logistics of having a large group of travelers, and the difficulty in navigating the streets of a foreign country - not everyone can simply go wandering for hours and intentionally get lost.

But I do get concerned when our prescribed priorities in life place us in positions where we are forced to simply stare out from our comfort zones at the world around us. Whether it's the safety of our homes, cars, schools, or careers - we are masters at building up invisible walls around our lives. I am guilty of this. Even in Haiti, I find the desire to at times simply stay within the comfort of my cool apartment and read and write (kind of like I'm doing right now) rather than go out in the sun and let the sweat and dirt mix as they run down the back of my calves.

I like to think that god sends me little hints and nudges to go out though. Small signs, like the fact that our stove ran out of propane and is taking awhile to refill so I have to go out to get food. Or how the internet will randomly go down and I have no excuse to stay inside and 'do research' on something that is rarely of top priority.

So as the cars continue to pass by, and as the sidewalk disappears and i find myself walking on the road, i am at peace knowing that the heat which beats down on me is the same as that which beats down on this country each day. I join in the walks of the school children as they file out of school in search for a tap-tap to take them back home. The stares don't stop, but as the crowd's age becomes younger, more smiles are shared alongside the stares. Kids have an ability to break down walls of separation and division, and I strangely find comfort in their stares. I smile back and they laugh as they turn to join the rest of their classmates.

From a car, the streets of Haiti may appear to be nothing more than a series of potholes which separate one series of crumbled buildings from another. But from outside the car, these streets are alive with energy and beauty. I find myself at ease as I flow in the crowds around the trash piles and broken-down vehicles much like a school of fish swim in uniform around the intricacies of a coral reef. Such a beautiful mess.

lost in the beauty

2011-06-17T08:04:00.001-07:00

Today was one of those days. I'm learning that my favorite way to get to know a city is to simply get lost. Last week, I went for a walk and shortly after got entirely lost. 5 hours later and i made it to my originally intended destination, and with a lot more knowledge and understanding of the place i call home for the next few weeks. Today was another one of those days.

Around lunch, i took the nearby tap-tap to meet a good friend of mine 20 mins down the road. From there, we grabbed a motorcycle and took off for the other side of town where we were meeting with some locals who would take us into the tent camps of cite solei. After hitchhiking on the back of a few pickup trucks (which I found to be quite the efficient means of getting aroun) and a few more tap-taps, we made it to the settlement.

Inside we were greeted by the president of the tent camp and began to talk about life in the camp and the role in which music could play. Not having any understanding of French or creole turned out to be a slight hindrance (who would have thought) and instead of translating much of the conversation, i just let everyone else talk abut the project. Although not intended, I think this turned out to b a neat way to interact, because it let the haitians take ownership of the project and determine how it would best work and help the community.

After a few minutes, the children's curiosity began to get the best of them and we were joined by two dozen kids interested more in the color of our skin and snacks in our bag than the conversation being had. Who can blame them, cookies nearly always trump everything else. So we decided to take a walk around the camp (with 5 or 6 ds hanging off of each of us) and see the way life was run here. It was all so organized and for the most part, well kept. Each tent seemed to have it's own garden attached and the trails were relatively clean of trash (compared to the rest of Haiti). Mothers sat outside their homes sewing clothing or cooking dinner and the kids darted in and out of the plastic forts. As we walked, i talked with one of the residents who acted as our translator and we began to discuss the details of the music project in more depth. He told me how engaged the kids were to go to school and how instruments would be a tremendous asset to the school. I started to learn the value in developing close friendships and relationships with key people within the community who could then properly represent the project to the rest of the community. This allows the project to live beyond me and new leaf, we can help get it started and initiate a few key pieces, but ultimately the direction and energy will come from the haitians.

After walking around for awhile, the children's radar seemed to narrow in on the packs of cookies we carried with us and once we were with a manageable group, we distributed them to the group. Instant smiles all around. We said our goodbyes to the group and thank them for their generosity and carried on down the road.

Then the getting lost part started to happen.

At the intersection, we split from the rest of the group and dora and I continued on in a different direction. With a mix of over-confidence and eagerness to see a new part of the city we jumped on a tap-tap heading in the direction we thought to be towards our home. But within seconds we veered off the main road and were heading in the complete opposite direction of what we intended. As we traveled deeper and deeper into the city and down a maze of roads, we lost site of the sea and began to doubt our ability to get back.

But seconds later, we turned a corner and came directly in front of the palace in port-au-prince. We decided to take advantage of the opportunity and jumped off to take a few pictures. As soon as the cameras were out of our bags, the art dealers were upon us. We walked past the first few but then one man approached us and the vibe in the air changed. There was something different about him, something which made us stop and listen to his story. The paintings lay on the sidewalk and for awhile, we stopped talking about art focused rather on his family. We learned about family members he lost in the earthquake and the struggles he faced trying to provide for those that were fortunate enough to be spared. I have heard the stories of pain and loss, but this time was different. This time I couldn't keep walking, i couldn't speed on to my safe apartment at the top of the street. This time i stopped. This time I listened.

It doesn't take long to make a friend, and soon one friend leads to many others. As we crossed the street away from the palace and into the tent camps located directly across from the main gate, we were introduced to many of the musicians within the plastic-tarped village. We chatted about the work we were doing and how we could work together. We were invited into the tents and sat down to talk more and listen to some of our new friends sing.

Inside the tent, a picture of the new president hung and a tv and fan sat in the corner. A few sheets hung over the window opening and a small rug laid at the foot of the mattress sitting on the ground. This was a luxury tent. The owner was blessed to have family back in the states who sent money down for him and as a result, his tent stood above the rest. Sadly, the vast majority of his tent camp neighbors were not as fortunate and their homes consist of mostly plastic walls, a floor mat and a few cooking utensils. A mattress is a luxury, and electricity is unheard of.

We continued to laugh, share stories of our lives to that point, and how our dreams for the future could coincide. But as the sun began to set, we packed up our stuff and ventured back out to the road. They escorted us back to the tap-tap station and soon we were on our way to our original destination. I am quite grateful for unexpected detours in life. Haiti always teaches me patience and I am so grateful that I was able to not worry about what I needed today and instead, take the time to make some new friends. Next week, I hope to head back and film some video recordings of the musicians and hear more stories of life in the tent camp. Rumor has it that we may have a choir of 300 kids singing for us next week, oh boy...

another day in Haiti

2011-06-13T07:12:00.001-07:00

The blood covers my foot and I can no longer tell what parts of my leg are covered in flesh, blood and soil. I try not to look long at the numerous wounds on the lower half of my body, not wanting to think about the cleanup work i will have to do when i get home, and quickly assess the rest of the situation. Shock sets in and as the crowds start staring and slowly moving in, I jump off the ground and smile back. Confused at my over-excitement about the situation, the locals aren't quite sure how to respond. One man offers a hand but I turn my attention towards the driver laying on the ground instead. Unsure if I offended the man offering help, my mind wrestles with the decision and distracts itself from the wreck around me. Reality hits as soon as the driver gets up and looks to see if I am alright.

Seconds earlier, the two of us were traveling down The mountain on a motorcycle. With unusual caution, for the first time in Haiti I actually felt completely safe on the back of a bike. The pounding monsoon rains from the night before left parts of the road overflowing in mud and broken trees and my eyes scanned the horizon at the various landslides that had deformed the terrain around me. As the other motorcycles quickly darted in and out of the rubble, my driver and I remained in line with the rest of the cars. With a growing amount of confidence in my driver, I reach for my bag and pull out my camera to take pictures of the mudslides below. The ride couldn't have been going better, until the first turn ahead started to approach. As if seeing into the futue, I looked ahead and saw the patch of slick rocks and rubble up ahead, in direct path of our route. Like a tattoo on the earth, the mudslides and torrential rain from the night before had left their mark on the road ahead of us.

The next seconds went too quickly to remember and soon I found myself sliding horizontal through the mud and rocks with a bike laying on my side. Everything suddenly went by quite slowly and I looked up to see the tent camp ahead of me and artisans lining the other side of the road. Pain didn't even cross my mind and the seriousness of what had happened faded to the back of my mind. That all soon changed when I looked up to be greeted by the front end of a giant water trucker.

The truck darts past us and in avoiding the pothole in the center of the road, runs over the glass which was at one point in-tact on our motorcycle seconds earlier. Glass shards shatter and are thrown in our direction. I lower my shoulder and shield my face as the truck drives by unaware of our situation below. I pick up my things off the ground and am impressed as i realize i instinctly protected my camera during the fall. I take a few seconds to decide whether to get back onto the bike or stay stranded in the middle of a section of portauprince i know nothing about. I decided to straddle the bike and the crowd gives me an unassuring nod back. The bike is silent and no kick or flp of a switch seems to wake the giant. As if it is aware of the fall it just took, the bike stubbornly sits along the side of the road and refuses to budge. With some help from the man who offered his hand and after some twisting of wires, the bike purs to life again and we slowly move in our original direction of travel.

As we drive on, eyes gravitate in our direction. My leg is covered in blood and the sandal is torn apart. With extreme caution, we drift towards my apartment at the bottom of the hill. Minutes later we arrive safely and I jump off the bike and hand the driver a few goudes. Shocked that I was still willing to pay, the driver smiles and apologizes once again in a mix of English and creole. We smile and I turn to head inside and begin the cleanup process. Just another day in Haiti...

forces

2011-06-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

As we walk into the restaurant and take our seat outside, the white clouds gently roll over and cast a welcomed shadow over our table. The almond tree provides additional shade and our feet welcome the opportunity to rest for a change. We open the menus that are handed to us and begin scanning through the dinner options for the night. Within a few minutes, the clouds above begin to change and a few rain drops dodge the almond tree leaves above and land on our shoulders. The last few months have been the rainy season in haiti and a little rain is nothing new, although for june, the amount of rain that Haiti has experienced is far greater than normal. We pick up our stuff and move inside to escape the drizzle outside and as we move in, the rain lightens and we carry on with our meal.

Nearly two hours later and we are finished with the food and begin to wash up to head back to my apartment. As we come out of the bathroom and contemplate how dark it is getting outside, a flash of water erupts from the skies and lands just outside the doorway. Within a matter of minutes, the water has taken shelter in the courtyard outside and quickly rises to 3 feet in depth. The rainwater pools around the almond tree and begins to cover the table we were earlier seated at. Through an opening in the gate, we steal a view of the main road and notice the speed at which the water rushes past our small building. The drizzle has suddenly decided to quicken in pace and the decision go head is now more complicated.

M apartment is 3 blocks down the road and with no way to know how long the monsoon will last, we decide to head back to my place as soon as we can. I decide to go alone first to grab rain gear and bags to protect our cameras and electronics and plan to return to the restaurant and get the rest of the group.

As I jump out of the restaurant and into the courtyard, i quickly discover the depth of the pool ahead of me. Water splashes into my face and i find myself standing in water up to my thighs. I venture out more slowly past the gate and turn onto the main road. The scene ahead of me is like something directly out of a hollywood movie. Cars are still driving down the road but the water rushes past them at a speed 10 times faster. People are huddled along the side of the road under any canopy or overhang they can find. Some are wrapped in a plastic sheet and rest precariously on a piece of concrete rubble.

I begin my walk down the road and grip onto walls and gates as I move forward. The force of the river drives the back of my leg and as I pass by the heaps of trash stored on the side of the road, plastic bottles and styrofoam containers pelt me with surprising force. The potholes and cavities in the road are only distinguishable from the whirlpools that form below and I'm careful to avoid each potential obstacle.

I make it to my road and turn the corner and enter through the gate and into my apartment. I quickly grab anything waterproof and head back outside. As I leave the gate and turn the corner, a 30 foot water trucker attempts to make a turn in the middle of the road and begins to tip. As if a dam has been dropped into the road from the heavens, the water quickly rushes up and over the truck forming a waterfall rising upward in the opposite direction. I dodge around the truck and start walking upstream against the force of the water.

Aware of the force and danger of the water, i slow my pace and am careful as to where i step. In my caution, the water grabs hold of my flip flop and sends it flying down the road towards the upside down waterfall. I pause and contemplate walking towards the restaraunt barefoot but decide to turn around and grab a pair of shoes.

A few minutes later and I return to the restaurant and retrieve the rest of the group. We stash our gear in the bags and walk back into the river. The desire to move quickly to get back soon and desire to move slowly to get back safely bounce back and forth in our minds. Holding onto one another, we manage to make it back to the apartment safely and quickly begin the drying off and showering process. After walking through water littered with trash and overfilled sewers, it's important that we wash quickly to clean any possible bacteria or diseases.

After laughing at the craziness of the past hour and reflecting on the seriousness and danger that storms like this pose, we rest in the comfort of our apartment and pray for those enduring the storm in the nonexistent safety of the tent cities. I wish i were able to open my doors and invite people from off the streets into our relatively dry space, but I feel as if my hands ours tied and don't know how to best help. I didn't sleep well that night as those thoughts lingered in my mind.

The next day i rose and ventured out into portauprince to assess the damage. A few people lined the streets with shovels and began digging out areas full of mud and water, but for the most part, life continued. Vendors watched diligently over their baskets of products and tap-tap and moto drivers continued to weave in and out of traffic with loads of people piled into the back.

Not until I began reading news articles and talking with local aid workers did I begin to realize that over 20 people died and more were missing. I began to hear of stories of people that were swept out of their cars and taken down the road towards whatever lay below. I heard of roofs and buildings that caved in and were quickly full of mud.

Yet life continues on and the world spins away. Another storm will come, and more buildings and lives will fall.

The forces that shape and influence a country like Haiti are many and interlinked. The rains of a summer storm create visible valleys and riverbeds along the streets and villages of the country, but equally as destructive are the forces from international trade restrictions, reliance on aid and handouts, and deterioration of trust and collaboration within a culture. The impacts of a storm are easy to photograph and write about. Groups can rally support and donations to relieve the direct impacts. But the often invisible forces are the ones that are harder to show, harder to measure, and harder to express to those outside of haiti.

The rains will continue to beat down upon the land, but hopefully the country and international community can begin to collectively tackle the other forces that are the true shapers of the land. I have not been in Haiti long enough to know and understand all of these, but i am hoping through my time here, i can better understand how they link together and influence the lives of those I hope to live and learn alongside in these coming weeks.

singing in the rain

2011-04-19T22:24:00.000-07:00

A cloud rolls over the distant valley and shadows the pine trees below. The onset of spring fades back beneath the mountain and the clouds claim victory to the afternoon's sun. One drop leads to another, and before long, the dirt path under my feet begins to shift. The rain is light to the touch and warm on my face; it's the kind of rain you hope for in the hot spells of summer. But the chill in the air prevents me from enjoying God's gift from above.

Have you ever thought of the different kinds of rain? There are the tropical rains of Haiti which pound upon the banana leaves above. There's the rain you find in the Alps which conceals the mountain tips in a dense blanket of fog. And there's the rains of Lancaster which roll in across acres of farmer fields before arriving at your front doorstep.

Some rain you run out to welcome while others send chills down your spine and encourage you to keep the fire burning inside.

But regardless of the kind of rain, it can often result in loosing sight of what's to come. No rain lasts forever, but when we're in the middle of it, it sure seems otherwise. In the warm rains of life, we joyfully loose ourselves in the moment and forget about the worries of tomorrow while the rain pours down. Water washes over our face and cleanses us of the regrets and fears of yesterday.

But there are also the cold rains of life. The rain that beckons the storm clouds and hides the sunshine from our face. And rather than erasing the worries of tomorrow, the cold rains seem to amplify the pain of today. The skies darken and it can be easy to loose hope. With no source of light to guide us forward, we have to look internally for that ray of light.

That's probably the hardest test of all, finding that light within.

As I mentioned a few days ago in a previous blog post, I have a friend of mine who has been fighting in the rain cloud for quite some time now. And when to all others it seems like there is no light ahead to give direction, she manages to take one more step forward, guided by a light within her that never seems to flicker. It may be a simple step, but in the midst of the cold rains of life, that step seems like a life's journey.

MercyMe has a song called "Keep Singing" with the following lyrics:

"I gotta keep singing; I gotta keep praising Your name; You're the one who's keeping my heart beating."

That last line, keeping my heart beating, has taken on a much more literal meaning these last few days. I don't know how some people keep singing, but the more I see others continue to sing, the more I find the desire to continue to pray. While they sing, I'll pray.

There are some people in life who we are called to walk the entire road with. For others, we join them on their journey in the small steps within the rain storms. With no history or knowledge of the road that has been forged in the past, we join them in their song. If you've followed this blog at all, or randomly stumbled on this site, would you mind sending an extra prayer up tonight for my friend. Pray that the sun will begin to peak through the clouds and that God will smile down on those who have joyfully continued to sing despite the storm clouds around them.

soaked in the now

2011-04-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

Let the blowing litter and spinning tires pass me by as my feet float down alleys and sidewalks of concrete. The noise of the city lights lulls my mind into a constant state of alertness, and time slips from seconds to hours. Bar doors swing open and the life and heat within escape onto the rainy streets outside. The city has a life of its own, one with hidden jewels and distractions around every corner. Central Park miraculously defends its limits against encroaching buildings of steel and glass on all sides. Flowers populate the medians and the scent of tulips slip past the falling rain drops. A flash flood begins to form on the street and the plastic umbrella canopy provides safety to those darting past the natural beauty scattering the sea of gray and artificial light.

This past weekend I traveled to NYC to talk and hang out with more people passionate about re-vitalizing and re-energizing the world around them. They work in a variety of fields and are driven by different aspects, but they share that common goal of creating a better place for those around them. They create opportunities, foster openness, and leverage others. As I met with all these different people, I quickly realized that in NYC, for every hour spent meeting with someone, it takes two hours to simply get to the meeting. Seconds slip to hours, and you begin to value the time you do have with people all the more.

But sometimes, the time spent moving from one meeting to the other is vastly overlooked. As I rode the subway from uptown to downtown, I would talk with the guys I was traveling with about how great the previous meeting was and what we needed to talk about in the next one. We naturally focus on the past and future - and forget to live in the now.

This is a byproduct of our culture, especially that in NYC, and we get swept away from the 'mindset of now' as quickly as the subway train speeds away from a platform. But as I walked the streets of NYC in the pouring down rain with no umbrella and a poorly chosen jacket which prefers to absorb water rather than reflect it, I started to soak in (literally) the here and now.

With water pouring off my shoulders, I started to reflect on how extremely fortunate I am in life. Here I am wandering the streets of NYC in the rain, pursuing a passion of mine to create a dream company which would improve the lives of countless people around the world (at least that's my hope). Who cares if it's raining. Who cares if my jacket works better than the sponge on my sink at home. God has entrusted me with so much - what a blessing and privilege!

And not only has he entrusted me with responsibilities, but He has surrounded me with friends who support me at all costs. I can't say how thankful I am to all those who have specifically offered their couches, blow-up mattresses, and floors over the last few months. I wish I could properly thank each and every one of you for the piece that you play in my life - you have made aspects of my faith come alive!

I'm learning to trust in what God says about not worrying about tomorrow. Just as the birds in the air are fed and the flowers in the field are clothed, God always provides. I may not know where I'm sleeping next week, and I may not have met some of the people I previously have stayed with - but I do know that tonight I have a place to stay, friends to surround me, and a passion planted in my heart that God continues to water. Let God's love and purpose for my life rain down and soak me from head to toe; there's nothing more that I could ever want!

the soldiers

2011-04-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've met the soldiers. I've heard their stories, their tales of persistent endurance and steadfast determination. And I've watched as they fight through the trials of life that would bring any one of us to our knees.

I'm not talking about soldiers of war, but soldiers of another kind of battle. A battle that happens internally and is often a one-on-one struggle. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with a strange heart condition and given only a few months to live. I've never physically met this friend and I've only heard tales of her battle - but from those stories, I've come to know a person who is relentless in her fight and manages to take each next step with the biggest smile on her face. I'm not sure where she draws her energy from and I'm not sure the conversations that happen inside her head - but from the bit that I do know, she has inspired me beyond what a simple blog post could express.

She has given me the energy to fight my own battles.

Over the years, I've been blessed to meet all kinds of soldiers. Ones that fight cancer, others that fight depression. Some that fight oppression and others that fight injustice. Some have won their battle in this life and others have taken the fight with them to the grave and overcome it on a spiritual battleground. And through it all, God has stood by their side and never left them. What the soldiers sometimes don't realize is the impact they have on everyone else around them. The true inspirations, the ones who stand out among the rest, are the ones who are willing to share their struggle with us. They open their hearts and let us walk alongside them, and without knowing it, they rub off on us and encourage so many in the struggles that we often keep closed off from the rest of the world.

One of my closest soldier friends was a teacher of mine in High School. One day, years before he would come to fight his own battle, he took us out to a cemetery. As we walked from tombstone to tombstone, he lead us to one and had us read the inscriptions. He paused and then noted how on every tombstone, there are three things in common: a start date, an end date, and a tiny dash that separates the two. Of anything on there, the only thing we have control over is that tiny dash. A scratch in a rock is the legacy we leave behind - what we choose to make of that dash is up to us. A couple years later God called that soldier back to be with him, and I can honestly say that of anyone I've known, his dash has had one of the greatest impacts on my life. He made a difference and he walked in love.

We all have those people, those soldiers, in our lives. Take some time to sincerely thank them for what they've done. And if you wouldn't mind, send a prayer up for the current soldier in my life, may she overcome her fight and continue to inspire those connected to her.

last will be first

2011-04-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

I am afraid that one day I will learn to grow accustomed to the uneasiness and discontent within me. I fear that I might become numb to the world around me, and forget to distinguish between our current reality and future possibility. Passing from room to room, news stories flood past me illustrating accounts of hurt, suffering, selfishness, and violence that pound outside the walls of my safe home. Within a matter of a few steps, I walk out my side door and into a car which comfortably carries me onward. The world seems so safe behind these shields of glass.

I am becoming familiar with the culture and structure of the world I've come to know, and it takes all that I am to deviate from that comfort.

I've been aware of this frustration for some time now, but it hit me today while I was at a lawn-mower dealership. While my dad was signing the paperwork, I was out in the showroom and began talking with one of the salesman. Without intending to, our conversation started to focus on my time in Haiti and some of the work we were doing down there with New Leaf. And more than once, he made the comment to me, 'thank you so much for everything you do, the world needs more people like you.' And while I was extremely grateful and humbled by his comments and gratitude, I was also upset. That uneasiness in the pit of my stomach came back, and I wasn't entirely sure why at first.

This evening I was reading through some thoughts by Shane Claiborne (from a Christian perspective, he's got some awesome stuff) and I came across a quote of his that summed up what I felt earlier in the day.

"Sometimes people call folks here at the Simple Way saints. Usually they either want to applaud our lives and live vicariously through us, or they want to write us off as superhuman and create a safe distance. One of my favorite quotes, written on my wall here in bold black marker, is from Dorothy Day: "Don't call us saints; we don't want to be dismissed that easily"

I don't know the life story of the gentleman I was talking with today at the lawn-mower store, and simply from our brief talk, it sounded like he truly was concerned about the pain and suffering that people felt in Haiti. But I get concerned when people begin proping others up as saints. We so quickly label those who do extra-ordinary acts as saints, angels, or blessings in disguise. Without knowing it or intending to, we distance ourselves and put them on a pedastol that makes us feel ok with the way our lives are lived. It's similar to how we view Olympians - they are simply super-athletes capable of things we could never dream about. But every Olympian gets to where they are at through practice. And every saint is capable of achieving the extraordinary through discipline and love.

I have been blessed to be given opportunities to stretch my comfort zone. But I never want those opportunities to set me apart from others who are capable of the same and so much more.

When I talk about my trip to Haiti, I don't want people walking away thinking how great it was that I took the time to travel there and help out. Rather, I want people to walk away thinking about the residents of Port-au-prince, the ones who live there day in and day out beneath a sheet of plastic and on nothing more than a thin blanket. They are the angels in disguise and ones who God loves with all his heart.

In Matthew, Christ says "So the last will be first, and the first will be last." Our culture has come to put great emphasis and praise upon those who are first in the world, and they are the ones rewarded with comfortable walls and comfortable cars. But as humanitarian and charitable activities receive greater and greater attention in our media, may those of us who find ourselves in that work be careful not to remain content with being labeled 'first.'

Shane writes "Christianity is at its best when it is peculiar, marginalized, suffering, and it is at its worst when it is popular, credible, triumphal, and powerful."

Continue to look for ways to be last, for it is in those places where God truly begins to work miracles. Humility is more than modesty - it is a discipline of placing ourselves 'last' and being ever wary of the comforts of being 'first.'

represent

2011-03-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

I want to be a secret saint that lives in the shadows - away from the spotlight of praise and fame that our culture is so quick to hand out and take back.

I want to be a gentle mentor that works from the sidelines - providing opportunities for others to emerge as leaders and live out their heavenly potential.

I want to be a patient servant that humbly steps forward - following the path that Christ is leading without a selfish desire to begin laying my own path before Him.

I am slowly learning what it means to be a leader and a follower, and that journey is always unexpected and full of turns I would never have guessed. Through the creation of New Leaf and building of relationships on various sustainability projects, I'm beginning to learn more about myself and how God desires to use me. I'm learning the importance of stepping out of the boat and trusting that I can walk on water. I'm learning what it means to have self-confidence, yet remain humble in my abilities and experiences. I'm learning how beautiful this world can be if we take the time to listen to the visions and dreams of those around us.

I've been reading "Follow Me To Freedom" by Shaine Claiborne and John Perkins. In one chapter, Shane talks about his encounters with Mother Theresa and shares some of her thoughts on leadership and the work she was doing.

"One time, a reporter asked her, 'Is your work going to live after you?' She quietly and respectively dismissed the question, saying 'That is of no concern to me.' It was like she was saying, 'That's God's business.'

That is a lesson for all of us. This is God's work, not ours. The moment we lose a sense of that, we start to lose our bearings. It is a danger sign.

After Mother Theresa died, a reporter asked me, 'Is the spirit of Mother Theresa going to live on?' I said, 'The spirit of Mother Theresa died a long time ago. What people love about Mother Theresa is the spirit of Jesus in her, and that's going to live forever.'"

Too often I can get caught up in the work that I'm doing and letting it entirely represent me. Without knowing, I take credit for the accomplishments (and failures) that I'm involved with. At any moment they could all be taken away, so I hope that I learn to be a representative of Christ more so than a representative of my own work. I've been blessed to be given so many passions and interests in life, and I hope that the work itself never blinds me from the people I'm touching through those projects.

the faintest of similarities

2011-03-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

I'm told that the city no longer smells like rotting flesh. The bodies have mostly been recovered from the rubble, and today, Port-au-prince resembles more of a city deteriorating at the hands of time than a city which claimed the lives of thousands of innocent victims.

As I walk the roads scattered with potholes, as if modeled after a Jackson Pollock painting, images of the days directly after the quake flash through my mind. I was in Sweden at the time, and I remember sitting up late into the night with my eyes fixed upon the computer as image upon image rolled in. Some moments leave you breathless; unfortunately for the wrong reasons.

But as I continue on my walk and my eyes drift up to the incredible light show above me, I remind myself that I shouldn't remain in a state of breathlessness and inaction. The last thing that the people of Haiti need is for inaction.

A few hours later and I find myself sitting in a comfortably cushioned chair as our plane touches down on US soil. When the light above our heads turn off, dozens of passengers stream out of the aircraft's' tiny opening and we all walk quickly through the maze of hallways to customs and baggage claim. As we hurriedly walk towards our destination, we pass by numerous screens with images of the tragedy in Japan flashing by above us - and the magnitude of these recent disasters begins to settle in. After seeing first-hand the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti over one year later, my heart goes out to all those on the other side of the world in Japan experiencing similar pain and confusion. Some things are simply impossible to comprehend until we see them first-hand; and a picture on a tv seems entirely insufficient to contain the severity of the situation.

But through the faintest of similar experiences, we begin to relate with those on the other side of a picture. And an image becomes more than an image. We are called to be people of gracious compassion and abundant love. We are called to put our unnecessary comforts behind us in order to lend a helping hand to those in need. Take a moment to slow down in the midst of our fast-paced lives and really think about the role you can play for those in need. It may just surprise you what answers you uncover...

navigating a sea of blue tents

2011-03-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

With my neck bent forward, I'm just able to squeeze my head through the open window and catch a glimpse of the stars dancing above us. The last four hours have been spent within our compact metal shuttle as we bounce along the deteriorating roads and speed by the thousands of families scattered across the countryside. Our tin roof on wheels with paint peeling around the corners feels like a kings palace in comparison to the plastic USAID tarps of those all around us. My heart breaks as our tap-tap passes by each families' tent - as easily as we turn off the nightly news reports back home. A statistic is a statistic until you meet them face-to-face. But for tonight, the stars will have to suffice and paint the picture of what has happened under their careful watch this past year.

Today was spent traveling north of Port-au-prince to a small beach just outside of the city. A private driver took a group of us north and for the first time this trip, I felt as if I were on an amusement park ride - but with a mixed range of emotions.

How easy it was for us to pull a few american dollars from our pockets, make a couple phone calls, and travel to a beach with no more pain. Escape to a somewhat familiar comfort zone seemed far too easy in comparison to the thousands of Haitian's who remain confined to a life of unimaginable suffering.

Up until then, I could only imagine what that suffering looked like. The tent camps of Haiti are deceiving; rolling hills lined in blue tarps, masquerading the commotion and chaos of the lives beneath them. Driving by these settlements stirs up a mixture of uneasiness, mystery, and sadness - but all of which remain hidden to the streets and cars passing by. Little did we know that tomorrow we would have the chance to step behind the curtains and see life from the inside.

A city already bustling with people, after the earthquake hit, Port-au-prince became a vastly overcrowded and overstrained city. With the buildings leveled, space became scarce and living quarters dramatically shrank in size. No longer could they build on top of one another, instead, they had to spread wherever they could find space. This has resulted in one of the largest and unanswered challenges post-disaster: how do you rebuild a city when the people occupy all the available free space?

One of the failed solutions has been to create similar tent camps, lined with the same tarps covered in bold and unnecessary USAID logos. Sanitation and latrines are no more prevalent. Private space and humane living conditions are just as dismal. But worst of all, the people are no longer connected to the energy and markets of downtown. For many residents of the tent camps, they have still managed to operate small street-stands selling goods and services. But by relocating to the tent camps north of the city, they are left unconnected to the only means of sustaining their families - a tiny economy to provide income.

Yet for some reason, as our truck drives north, the dry and desert-like countryside around us are lined in tents. Their simply is no space left for people to go and even this unlivable terrain has found itself home to thousands of people.

But my curiosity remained, what was it like behind the blue-tarped walls?

The following day we had the chance to visit a friend of ours work within the tent camps. Rafeal had spent the past few months getting to know the families and people I was so curious to meet. He graciously took us up the street and into the world he has lived and assisted in tirelessly. Turning down the small pot-holled lined path into the tent camp was like entering a new country.

We entered a country with it's own economy full of business and service providers from hair salons to cyber cafes. A country with it's own government system composed of unsung leaders who emerged out of the rubble around them. A country with it's own pride in family who take care of one another through death and pain, hope and rebirth.

Passing by the residents, we turned up a road that passed under a few clotheslines and around small fire stoves before leading to a fence made of the country's main resource - plastic tarps. Behind the fence was the home of Genesis, his wife and baby daughter. Genesis is one of the camps' elected leaders and who lives in a unique transitional home designed by Rafael. Lined in corrugated plastic panels and attached to an erector set of aluminum beams, the home stands out as an entirely different way to handle future natural disasters.

As we are welcomed inside the home, I am impressed by the organized and efficient use of space within the split-level building. As we are talking, Genesis helps a friend unload some computers from the third story to begin repairing for the newly opened cyber cafe, and we begin to learn about the economy, politics and way of life within the camps.

After the earthquake hit and tents were erected, the people of Haiti began to organize themselves into communities of families. The particular tent camp that we were in was home to 30,000 people and was the second largest in Port-au-prince. Among the 30,000 people, the camp was split into 13 communities (known as committees) each run by a president and team of council members. Frequently the heads of each committee gather together to talk about the welfare of the entire camp.

As president of one of the committees, Genesis coordinates the work of the aid groups and makes sure everyone has access to water, shelter, food and a way to improve their lives. He knows everything that happens within "his family" and begins telling us the stories of life in the camp.

We learn about the 6 tents that caught on fire last month and burned a small baby alive. After the community chipped in money to help cover the cost of the funeral, he appealed to international organizations who refused to help them with the funeral. He talks about the political consequences of where they live. Because the tent camps are built on a mixture of private and government owned property, international organizations are unable to assist them because it acknowledges and encourages the residents to stay in the camps and therefore undermines the government who wants the people to leave the property.

We learn that he is the only one in the entire camp with a home elevated off the ground - which means that when it rains, he is able to sleep on a dry floor unlike the homes around him that are nothing but a tarp resting on a dirt floor which turns into mud when the rainy season approaches (starting in May). He tells us how he opens his home at night to all the families who are pregnant or with small children to come and sleep on his floor to escape the rain.

We learn that he takes great pride in the entrepreneurial spirit of his committee and their ability to find opportunity after such destruction. He tells us that the best way that outside groups can help them now is to provide jobs that create money and income for the people, rather than a free hand-out which kills their ability to sell their own goods and services. Of all the organizations operating in Haiti, World Vision seems to have one of the best programs designed to do just that and provide individuals with money in return for their help to clean up the city. But he wishes that they would work more closely with the political structure of the camps so that he can help oversee that the people who are most in need of a job receive the work.

But most importantly, we learn, and witness, the strong sense of community within these walls of plastic. It is the ability to extend their understanding of family beyond a group of 4-5 people to 3,500 people. And it is that trait which will sustain Haiti despite the lack of organized aid, despite the political and environmental uncertainties, and despite the unimaginable redevelopment challenges ahead. The people of Haiti have given me that hope, and I just wish that I can share that message with those who continue to support them.

peering through the blinds

2011-03-13T06:32:00.000-07:00

A trail of ants defy gravity as they scale down the tarred and dirt-stained wall; yellow and tan chips of paint crumbling to the floor below. Beneath them, two mice dart across the floor as if attached to a child's toy race track, electrified by the pursuit and keenly aware of the commotion around them. The lizards above watch motionless on the scene below, much like a wise elder shepherding their flock and newborn sheep.

As the wind outside rustles the coconut leaves and sounds of early-morning church rolls through the window, a rooster sings his morning praise and welcomes the rising sun. The sunlight gently opens the metal blinds and breaks down a wall of iron and steel with peace and humility. The shadows begin to stretch along the walls and race their way to each corner and nook of the room.

As the light washes over my feet, up along my legs, and engulfs me in my entirety, I am renewed for the day ahead. And I am reminded of the pressing need for hope surrounding this place.

Much like the sunlight peering through the metal bars over my window, situations of immense pain and suffering require a gentle prodding of light to break through the scars that form over our hearts. With situations like the earthquake in Haiti, those scars are more evident on the outside. From the pain caused from loosing your entire family, to the anger and bitterness towards a less-than-perfect system to aid in your recovery - Haiti is a country with scars that are clearly visible. Raw and exposed to the world around them.

But each of us wears our own scars; and unlike clothing, scars are not something you can choose to take on and off depending on your mood. And many times, those scars are invisible to the world around us.

As I talk with the people of Haiti and those who have been here for a much longer time than my short trip - the need for peace, gentleness, and humility in dealing with these scars becomes so evident. Yet our human nature is to handle situations in such a different manner.

We often forget that God works on a different time frame than our earthly clocks. Whenever a disaster strikes, we all desperately want to provide hope and comfort to those affected; God included. But God doesn't hand out temporary or transitional relief - he offers eternal and lasting hope - throughout the entire process. And that kind of hope operates on God's time.

Sometimes our urgency for bringing relief to those in need results in rushing, forcing or dictating our solution for help, We see the scars over people's hearts and much like the metal blinds over a window, we feel as if we must forcefully tear them down to get to the root of the problem.

But God has a different way.

He brings in a ray of light - and patiently, gently, and humbly, breaks down the scars over the window. He doesn't use force, but rather offers a peaceful alternative. He doesn't act out of urgency, but rather out of necessity. Let us remember to reflect on the patience of God's ways and not force our help on others, or God.

story upon story

2011-03-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of good people in the world. I'm talking about the kind of people who are willing to sacrifice themselves at all costs in order to help the greater whole. People who open up their homes to accommodate others. People who simply leave their homes to rebuild the homes of others. People who are willing to forgo the familiar comforts and stretch their bounds into the unknown.

Every time I am blessed with the opportunity to travel to another country and live the life of another culture - I am reminded by how many of these kinds of people there actually are in the world!

For the last few days, I've been living in Haiti and working alongside an organization called GrassRoots United. GRU does incredible work. They were in Haiti immediately after the earthquake hit and have been working ever since to unify the work being done by countless international aid groups. Not only have they been a tremendous asset in coordinating this work - but they have also worked tirelessly to ensure that their operations are eventually Haitian run - the current plan being to hand off operations by the end of the year to locals.

In the meantime, New Leaf has been working to assist GRU with our resource and talent base back home on a variety of projects. During our time here this week, we are working entirely on their base to construct proper toilets. As the base is home to numerous volunteers and partner organizations - two composting toilets often is insufficient for the growing demand - so we've been spending our days digging poop holes. It's not a glamorous job, it's doubtful to become a news headline, but it's one more important piece in the complex puzzle of disaster relief.

What I am quickly coming to realize in my short time in Haiti is that despite the sound bites and headlines we receive around the world - no situation like this could be summed up in a few words or pictures. Journalists and media can only do so much. This blog can only do so much.

I won't have the time to visit many places or talk with lots of survivors - but what I have been able to do is talk with those who have had those encounters over the past few months. And in just 3 days, I have come to appreciate the vast magnitude of stories upon stories that have arose because of the earthquake.

Stories of rappers who write with stinging truth to paint the scene of the refugee tent camps.
Stories of men who sneak into the women's health clinics to steal a simple bar of soap.
Stories of international organizations who refuse to provide food to refugees to encourage them to move to more permanent shelters.
Stories of young men and women who dream of creating opportunities for their children to travel and improve the lives of others around the world.
Stories of a land that no longer smells like rotting flesh.
Stories of a country that longs for peace and stability.
Yet stories of families who are no longer whole.

As I walk the streets of Port-au-prince, I am left mesmerized by the amount of rubble left behind from the quake. Each concrete chunk that I step over, each piece of brick and mortar crumbling from the walls are a reminder of how many stories surround this place.

But as my mind seems to fixate itself upon the destruction all around me, I hear laughing bouncing off the rooftops and cascading down the ally ahead of me. With each laugh, a child skips from rooftop to rooftop, gleaming under the star-lit sky.

I believe in a God that creates beauty from ashes. But while I may think and write about it, these children are living proof of that beauty.

live what we preach

2011-02-10T22:00:00.000-08:00

I have been quite blessed to be surrounded by friends who learn to value people and group dynamics over the work they produce. It is refreshing to be reminded that it doesn't matter the work that our hands produce if we aren't concerned about the individuals affected by that work.

The last few weeks have been exciting for both New Leaf and PURE - lots of new connections and lots of new opportunities. As they continue to move forward, I have been reflecting more about my understanding of leadership, and how I hope to approach it on projects in the future.

One of the first role models I look to as an example of what it means to effectively lead people is Christ.

But the more I read about his life, the more I realize that his leadership style was so different from anything else of the day. He broke many rules and often did things his own way. He rarely scheduled meetings to teach, but rather used situations as they arose to teach those who happened to be around him. When people would ask him to come inside and heal the sick, he would occasionally say his time hadn't come yet and would wait or move on. And there were times when he would make people angry - even other leaders - because he wouldn't listen to their advice or suggestions.

But crowds were drawn to him. Not because he kept the rules and checked off all the tick marks, but because he lived what he preached.

He wasn't selling something and wasn't trying to build up a team of supporters - he was simply leading like he lived, and living like he lead. And I think that's one of the great traits of any inspirational leader - from Martin Luther King Jr. to Gandhi to Nelson Mandela.

This has been a re-emerging theme in discussions on the leadership teams at both PURE and New Leaf. They tend to care about the dynamics of a team, more than just the potential of an idea. Now granted the ideas are also quite powerful and compelling, but at the end of the day, it comes down to more than an idea - it's about people.

For the past few days, I met with the PURE team in NYC and we criss-crossed the city meeting with different groups and people telling them about the company. I won't get into all of the exciting details of the company (that will have to wait for another entry, or more likely, an entire book) - but the basic jist is that we are looking to create more than just a business, but a movement, within the entertainment and media industry to rid all of the crap currently there. We want to leverage the industry as a power for good and to spur sustainable social change. We want to shake things up, flip things inside out, and transform an industry into something brand new.

One of the common aspects of all of our meetings in a short few days was that we didn't have to sell much. And I don't believe it's because people immediately resonate with the idea, but rather because they see that our leadership team telling them about PURE are attempting to live what we are selling. As humbly as I can, I hope to be an example of what it means to live a pure life - and that's a tall order to live up to and I know I will fall short every day. But it's something worth striving for.

We're not trying to pull one over anyone, we're not trying to speak about lofty ideas simply to make another dollar, but we're trying to match the values and morals that resonate within so many of us into the structure and vision of a company.

We ARE the company - and just as Ghandi lived what he preached, we are trying to live what we are designing. That is a company I can get behind and an idea I am willing to share with others. Now let's see where the next few weeks lead...

deep and wide

2011-01-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

One of the aspects of my life that I cherish above many others is the blessing I have had to share in the beauty and brilliance of so many other cultures. We are quickly becoming a society where the bonds and links between human beings are stretching beyond borders and into what once was deemed remote and foreign. What a privilege it is to usher in that transformation!

As exhilarating as it is to travel the world and speak face-to-face with those that you only hear about in books and news stories - it is equally exciting to share those insights with folks back home. My world traveling (and start of this blog) began back in 2007 when I visited Tanzania and Australia for a summer. It was the start of a journey that continues each year. And with each year that passes, I have slowly been adjusting better to that shock of returning back home and trying to share my learning with friends and family.

The first few times was hard, and my natural response was to remain quiet and keep my thoughts to myself. And although I still have that tendency, it is changing from a state of frustrated silence to one of selective ramblings. Thoughtful traveling and intentionally placing ourselves to serve others along the way results in lots of thinking, and I can see how it would take a lifetime to sift through all the questions that arise.

One of the threads that has remained consistent on each trip is the deepening of my faith in, and widening of my understanding of, God. I have come to see God's grace shine through every speck of our frailty and illuminate every corner of our dreams and desires. His love is not constrained to the language or laws of any one religion, and he desires for all of us to experience relationship with and through him.

I am beginning to fully comprehend the power behind the lyrics "...and my heart will sing how great is our God"

Along the way, I get lots of questions revolving around why I am still a Christian, if I am still, how my understanding of it has changed, and what I think is relevant or important any more?

Well, there's a lot of answers to questions like those, but the one that has been on my mind the most recently revolves around why I am a christian and why I feel it is so relevant and important for the world.

I believe that God is truly beyond our comprehension and limited understanding. And I believe that he (or she or it or however you'd like to refer to God or a higher power) has revealed himself to us in countless ways. From the aboriginal traditions of Australia as to how their country was formed to the visions and prophecies from countless individuals throughout history, I believe God works through many forms. And in different cultures, God is known in different ways. But in no way have I been able to accept that God is limited solely to the understanding of one culture - such as the one which I have grown up in through the Bible.

Yet I do believe the Bible reveals some incredibly powerful and revolutionary understandings - and it is these primary distinctions which lead me to continually pursue Christ with all my heart.

The sole distinction I find in the Bible is that God is a god of a relationship. He exists in relationship, thrives in relationship, and desires for us to be in nothing but relationship. This is the beauty of the trinity - and it changes everything!

One of the main themes that I encounter while traveling is that the majority of us still believe in the power of love. I've found it in smiles of Jamaicans and the hospitality of Turks. I've found it in the songs of orphans in Tanzania and the wisdom of Bedouins in Jordan. It may sound cliche, but love is what makes this world go round.

And although that belief is sometimes shaded or dirtied over, we still long for the good in situations and for love to shine forth. It is the spark of hope we find deep inside the darkness of each of our lives. And I believe it is this love which is at the core of God, in fact, God is nothing but love. Brother Rogers of Taize wrote that "all God can do is give his love" - he is incapable of anything else.

Yet love can not exist separate from relationship; they are two components of life - and God - which go hand-in-hand. And this is the revelation we find through the trinity.

For God to be nothing but love, he must have others to share that love with - otherwise it is meaningless and with no purpose. Love must exist in relationship. God must exist in relationship.

When we look at the life of Christ and his time with us through the Gospel, his message can be boiled down to one core concept - God is love and he desires to be in a loving relationship with us just as He is in a loving relationship with his son. Christ's life was an example of what it looks like to live in that relationship with God. That was God's message to the world - that's the part that he so desperately wanted to reveal to us and choose to do so by bringing his own son into the world.

Sadly, the religion of Christianity over the years has muddied the message of Christ and misrepresented it to the rest of the world.

What I find to be the most interesting thing to observe now is how so many Christians feel the strong desire to defend Christianity, to defend God. But if I had to guess, their interest is not in defending the message of God, but in defending their individual understanding of truth. We like to appear that our view is the right view - and don't like when others challenge that understanding.

My fear is that for too many Christians, as years tick by they grow deeper in their faith but forget to grow wide in their understanding of God. They feel a need to defend because they have focused all of their efforts on growing deep, without taking the time or effort to notice how wide God's message is stretched. It's like focusing solely on the concept of love without continually placing ourselves in situations to show that love to others. Or it's like spending our entire career to master calculus without realizing how it can be used to better the world.

God needs no defendant. He needs discoverers and followers.

I try to remind myself of that distinction each and every day, and I find these lyrics to beautifully sum it up.

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me on magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you

We are all called to discover God in our own way and through our own cultures - but may we not let our depth in that discovery blind us to the revelations of others whose understanding may enrich our own journey. God is too great and too creative to restrict himself to one form of communication.

Personally, to help myself grow in that understanding, I am going to be reading through the Bhagavad Gita and the Koran this year, if anyone has other recommendations or would like to share thoughts back and forth among all these texts, feel free to get in touch with me!! I'm looking forward to an exciting 2011!

discover the vulnerability

2010-12-21T00:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a hectic past few months (as evident by my lack of blog posts) between starting up New Leaf and developing business plans for a talent agency I'm helping to create. And in the midst of all the formal and official business, I've also had the chance to get to know the dentist on a much deeper level recently, with visits at least once a week. They've taken my wisdom teeth, numbed my gums more times that I care to remember, and poked and prodded at my teeth with instruments that I would never wish to have in my mouth. But, it's been great to get to know all of them and we're now on a first name basis (unfortunately with the one lady, I also bit her finger accidentally, so we know each other even better than just first names). But, I've reached the end now and from here on out it's just checkups and the standard procedures - no more teeth removal and vicodin (fingers crossed).

With all the time at the dentist and sitting drugged up in the family room chair recovering, it's given me some time to think and reflect over the past few year. A lot of my sustainability ponderings and thoughts (I know, the really exciting stuff) have been moving over to New Leaf's blog to help that get going, so feel free to take a look and let me know what you think - all kinds of feedback is welcomed!

But I wanted to take the time before Christmas comes and go to share a video that really hit me on a more personal level and which sums up a lot of the thoughts spinning in my head. Take the time to listen through (it's 20 minutes but worth the time - and we could all use a break at this time of the year). A lot of my thoughts below are repeating the ideas of Brene Brown in the video, so I want to start by thanking her for making some of these thoughts a bit clearer.

Every now and then we bump into those rare individuals who seem to have discovered an incredible mystery that the rest of us are blind to. They posses a certain magic that we are drawn to and which captivates our attention. It creates an incredible connection that we don't want to let go of in fear that we might forget all of these wonderful things we discover about the world around us through them.

But perhaps we shouldn't be as concerned about the connection - and more focused on ourselves. Perhaps there is something blocking that mystery from being discovered within ourselves because we are afraid to fully uncover it. And instead of face the messiness of our inner self, we cling onto others who have managed to get through that pain and uncomfortableness already.

Perhaps that mystery we are afraid to uncover is vulnerability...

We all long for love and belonging, meaning and purpose. Some of us strive towards perfection to find it, others build a wall of disguise to pretend like we have found it. There are individuals who act as if the messiness within them is in fact ordered, confusing uncertainty for certainty. And there are some of us who belittle the accomplishments of others to make our own purpose feel greater.

Yet all along, no matter how hard we try, we manage to evade the simple truths of what actually lead to true happiness.

We refuse to deal with vulnerability.

The vulnerability of stepping out and saying "I love you" first. The vulnerability of switching career paths and starting all over again. The vulnerability of letting go of something that meant so much to you for so long.

The vulnerability of change, and exposing yourself for who you really are, both to the world around you, and to yourself.

Christmas unfortunately can be a time where people numb that vulnerability and set it aside while they focus on the 'real issues' at hand - like buying the right gift, or making the right meal, or wearing the right outfit to impress the right person. But perhaps during a season intended to focus on the pure source of happiness and goodness in the world - we've managed to confuse the real issues that are important.

There have been a few of those rare people in my life - the ones that remind me of the real issues in life. Those people that challenge me and confuse me. The ones that make me search deeper and uncover unsettling truths about myself. The ones that refuse to give up on me yet never force me. The ones that have lent a listening ear and reassuring smile. The ones that have helped me uncover my vulnerability and let me peel back layers one at a time. The ones that stood by me and rejoiced as I discovered who I truly was. And the ones who are aware of all the learning and growing still ahead.

I surely don't have things figured out, and god knows how many times I wish I could have done some things differently. But I am grateful that despite the hiccups and despite the curvy and indirect roads to get to my final destination, I have always been blessed with the best friends one could ask for.

There are the friends who have stuck beside me from elementary school onward to the friends I have bumped into for a few hours on a train, just long enough to share stories of our vulnerability. There have been the friends who ventured into new countries and new fields alongside me and the friends who refuse to let distance or timezones stop sharing our stories.

You all know who you are, and I wish I had a couple sets of hands and computers to simultaneously write letters to each of you. But alas, I procrastinated to the last minute and will have to settle with this for the time being. Thank you for everything each and every one of you has done over the last year - if only I could show the specific impact that each of you has made.

Jesus would often talk about seeds in his parables, and I've always found it a reassuring picture to sum up the impact you all have made. Some seeds germinate quickly, and others take awhile to fully flourish, but regardless, I am grateful for each impact you have made. And some of those impacts have yet to fully develop, you'll have to keep waiting to see what they turn into.

May we remember the true reason for the season this Christmas and be open to the vulnerability within all of us. It's often the uncomfortable we avoid, yet the uncomfortableness which leads to beautiful discoveries. Continue to uncover those mysteries this upcoming year, and I pray that I might be apart of some of those discoveries alongside you!

Fear of Hell - Hope of Paradise

2010-11-07T22:44:00.000-08:00

Back in December I was lucky enough to hang out in Copenhagen for the COP15 Climate Change Negotiations. While there, I had the chance to hear the band Outlandish perform after a speech by Desmund Tutu, and instantly became a fan of the Danish hip-hop band.

Recently I've been on an Outlandish kick, and came across their song "Beyond Words." There's a lot of lyrics (which is always a plus) but one line has really stood out to me:

If I worship You in fear of hell, burn me in it
And if I worship You in hope of paradise, exclude me from it
But if I worship You for Your own being
Don't withhold from me Your everlasting beauty

I believe that spirituality and religion have a lot to offer the world, but often the organized part of religion gets in the way and causes more harm than good. Regardless, I still rely largely on my faith as a guiding light for the work I engage on and way in which I interact with those around me. But one of the frustrations I have is that with the rise of religion, people have slowly begun to divide the world around them into black and white. We seem to have lost the grey areas.

Homosexuality is either right or wrong. Christianity is the only way to God. Climate change is either a made-up science or the end of the world. The middle east is full of terrorists. Black or white. Right or wrong. Republican or democrat.

In a world full of complexity and constantly evolving systems and information, we have developed a tendency to simplify a message to break it down into bite-sized pieces. But we often simplify and reduce that message to either A or B, and this quickly overlooks the invaluable details of a situation.

Part of this tendency can be linked back to the rise of organized religion and the separation between heaven and hell. Although I don't believe this to be the intention of Jesus, the teachings about hell have been used to instill fear in society as a reason to follow their specific religious tradition. Unfortunately, I think that's the exact opposite of what Jesus came to preach - and Outlandish speaks to this in their song, though coming from a muslim perspective as well (one of the reasons I love the band, they consist of both muslim and christians creating some neat lyrics).

Jesus came to flip organized religion on its head, and to sweep away the rules, traditions, and stumbling blocks that we humans like to lay down behind and ahead of us. He wasn't concerned with forcing people to follow him, instead he had a tendency to cause people to turn away because his teachings hit at the heart of the matter and were often too difficult for people to follow with their actions. But for those that did choose to follow, they experienced a life change that transformed them from the inside out.

How many religious folk tend to worship god out of fear of hell or joy of heaven? The problem is that both of these forms of worship emerge entirely from a selfish nature, out of the good or bad that will happen to us in the future. We have a hard time stripping the black and white away from situations, especially when they regard ourselves. I think Jesus was more concerned about those who worshiped God simply for who God was. I am who I am. By focusing so much on ourselves and narrowing our thoughts to either heaven or hell, we forget to focus on the beauty of God's love for us. Perhaps that's why so many people today are turned away from religion, because the religious folks have done a really good job at stripping that beauty and appeal away from God. We've wrapped the beauty of God behind a boring cardboard box - sometimes I just want to rip that box apart.

Now although Jesus was most concerned with our relationship with God, I think his teachings have a significant ripple effect into the rest of our lives and the way we approach challenges each and every day.

Take climate change for example. For some crazy reason, we seem to have let the issue morph into a black or white situation, especially in the political realm. Democrats are concerned about man-made climate change and republicans seem to be able to discredit all scientific accounts and opinions, forming the other side of the coin - that man-made climate change is a myth and not a concern.

But why must we split an issue grounded in sound science as either black or white? Why can't we agree on the fact that climate change is a significant challenge for all of society, and rather than debate the science of the issue, focus on the strategies and methods for responding to it. A significant and sustainable solution must come from both the democrats and republicans, and relying on any one party to determine our path forward is a scary thought.

Yet we for some reason resort back to the tendency to reduce life to black and white, right and wrong. It's a dangerous habit that has permeated not only our personal and spiritual lives, but now into the life of our global society and will have lasting impact on generations to come through the decisions we make today.

Loving Our Neighbor

2010-10-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

What is the role of sustainability, indigenous knowledge, and religion?

A Thousand Suns tells the story of the Gamo Highlands of the African Rift Valley and the unique worldview held by the people of the region. This isolated area has remained remarkably intact both biologically and culturally. It is one of the most densely populated rural regions of Africa yet its people have been farming sustainably for 10,000 years. Shot in Ethiopia, New York and Kenya, the film explores the modern world's untenable sense of separation from and superiority over nature and how the interconnected worldview of the Gamo people is fundamental in achieving long-term sustainability, both in the region and beyond.

A Thousand Suns

One of the issues that the film raises (and it's not a long film, less than a half hour, so go check it out) is the importance of a holistic worldview. In most, if not all, indigenous cultures, a systemic understanding of the world around them and how they as a species fit into that larger picture is a critical component to their lifestyle. Through a deep connection with nature, these cultures have an ingrained understanding of sustainability - especially in relation to agriculture. One of the challenges is that with the rise of western religion, an emphasis (whether theologically correct or not) has been placed on the distinction between heaven and earth. One side effect from this distinction is that earth and its resources suddenly became viewed as things to be 'used' and set apart from holy - a realm that existed in heaven and the afterlife.

But is this consistent with a christian perspective? I guess it depends what kind of christian you talk to. Personally, I feel that it is largely written into the verses and books of the bible to be responsible stewards of the planet, but it really comes down to one key thing for me. As I wrote in the previous post, I believe there are two key lessons to take away from the bible: love god and love your neighbor.

Being wise stewards of the environment around us is a direct way of showing our love to both god and our neighbors - and this is where sustainability starts to come into the picture.

God is described as the creator of the universe and planet, and that all that we see around us was placed here as a gift to us. As with any gift we receive from a close friend, we tend to treasure it by taking care of it and perhaps displaying it prominently on a shelf in our bedroom. It doesn't matter if it's a standard off-the-shelf picture frame that you could easily replace, you tend to place higher importance on a gift from a loved one simply because of it's designation as a gift, and because you want to show love back to that person who gave it.

At the same time, all of god's creation, and all of our neighbors (both locally and globally) find themselves living on this great gift from God. And as we are all completely dependent on the land we live on, it's imperative that we seek sustainable solutions that responsibly care for our natural resources that so many around the world depend on. Loving our neighbors cannot stop at offering to babysit the neighbor's kids for an evening. It cannot stop at us taking time out of our busy schedules to share a meal with a community member going through a tough personal situation. And it can't even stop at donating money and resources towards humanitarian groups providing food to the hungry.

Loving our neighbors requires so much more - and it's not always the easy choice. Loving our neighbors requires us to deeply and sincerely look at our own lives and see how the actions we take and decisions we make impact those around the world. And it's sometimes difficult, uncomfortable, and messy to analyze those actions and decisions, but if we truly believe in loving our neighbors, then we would be willing to overcome any barrier, regardless how difficult.

Sometimes the hardest part is making the decision to simply start digging just a little bit deeper...

Building Bridges or Walls

2010-10-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

Since returning back to the states, I've been greeted with numerous media clips, emails, and stories of people in the US afraid of islamic extremists and muslims slowly overtaking the rest of the country, I know, it's sad and I wish I could change it somehow. It's definitely not all, or even the majority, of the view in the US, but sadly there has been enough people to cause a stir and begin creating a panic in the rest of the country. Yet whether it be islamophobia, homophobia, or obama-phobia - the problem is still the same - our culture reacts and responds to fear. And unfortunately, there are certain people within our society that recognize that fact and use it to advance their personal agenda.

I have been extremely blessed and fortunate to have traveled around the world and meet people from every culture and walk of life, a gift that I cherish above anything else I own or have experienced. For every place I visit, I try to share with others - through my blog, pictures and stories - the way of life for the rest of the world - a group of people that the majority of us never get the chance to meet. But sadly, I find that it's never possible to fully pass on that message to others, it's simply impossible without meeting someone face-to-face, I don't see any alternative. I wish I could bring my friends around the globe home with me so that all of you could meet them (but I haven't found a financial solution to that yet). If there's one thing I could figure out in life, it would be to help others understand the beautiful interconnectedness of our global society and reveal the incredible similarities we share as a single, thriving, human family - regardless of country, culture, or religion.

Just two months ago, I found myself walking along the shores of the Bosphorous river and spending time praying in some of the most beautiful mosques I've ever visited. I shared the streets with kids and their ice cream cones and veiled women picking up groceries for that night's festivities and celebrations. We fasted together during Ramadan and talked about the way religion has caused so many ridiculous barriers between person to person and person to God. We ate wedding meals together and dreamed about ways to end extreme poverty. Turkey was more beautiful and hospitable than I could have ever imagined.

Since returning to the states, I try to keep in touch with that group as often as possible and share our life stories together. But then I quickly remember that it is so much harder to have those conversations with people when I return to the states - because we in the US live in a perpetual state of fear, a fear that silences so much meaningful conversation and discussion. When I travel away from home, it is so much easier to talk with people, it's as if an invisible fence is torn down around me.

When I hear stories of pastors who want to burn Korans, I get so upset because it feels as if everything I try to stand for and represent to others around the world is ripped to shreds. I try to convince others that the US isn't as bad as the media tends to illustrate it as, but I have to question if I'm really defending the right side?

When will we ever put our differences aside and grow out of our fright and distrust for those not exactly like ourselves? When will we learn that we are equally, if not more, responsible for the mess in the world, but are blind to that simple truth? When will we stop bickering and perpetuating the problems around us and actually start finding meaningful solutions - that benefit all of humankind? When will we learn to grow up?

I hesitate to share my thoughts at times because of my lack of experience - I realize I am only 23 and have an entire lifetime of learning ahead of me. But there are certain things that I will not remain mute on, and I will passionately defend any culture or religion who I feel is being victimized, especially when the victimizing is coming from my own culture.

The world is not a simple place. There is conflict and pain. There are those who look to use the system for their own gain. There are those who thrive on evil over truth. And I wish I could change a lot of that. But I would never change the complexity of the world around me, for it is what makes this life so worthwhile and fulfilling. God's beauty is etched into every church and mosque, carved into every riverbank and countryside, and placed within each of us his children, regardless of religion.

Who are we to steal that beauty from others...

I have tons of friends who are committed followers of Islam and true stewards of peace. They are saddened when they hear of bombings and wars happening around the world. They are like you and I and have dreams and fears and hopes and difficulties. Why are we so afraid of those we don't know - is it impossible to think that they may share the same feelings and thoughts as we do? For my muslim friends, it doesn't matter if we sit together in a mosque, a church, or a buddhist temple - we can always talk with God - and together! I believe the two most important messages in the bible are to love god and love your neighbors - it would be a sad and cruel world if we were to fear god and fear our neighbors (but unfortunately, I think that's how we prefer to live).

I sincerely pray and hope that we begin asking the question "Were we building bridges or walls in the world?" I hope that answer is bridges. All I can do is start reaching out to others to help build my small bridge - from Turkey to Jordan, and Tanzania to Australia. I just hope the rest of the US will follow...

Foundation of prayer

2010-10-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

This past summer, by far one of the most important places I visited, and the one I miss most, is Taize in France. I made a bunch of posts about my experience in Taize (go check out July 2010) and since returning back to the states, I've been trying to figure out what it was that made Taize so special, why did it make such a difference on me?

Well this morning I was listening to a sermon and my pastor made the following point - Jesus didn't say my house will be called a house of music, or a house of worship. He didn't say that my house will be called a house of teaching or preaching. What Jesus did say, is that my house will be called a house of prayer.

It's not worship or preaching; prayer is what radically defines a place to be filled by a spiritual presence. It's not the walls of a beautiful church or the trickling water of a flowing stream - it's the prayer (our conversations with god) that fills those spaces which invites god into our presence.

While at Taize, I was struck by the simplicity and beauty of community in this small town hidden in the rolling french countryside. There was something that felt so 'magical' and 'holy' about this area, but what was it? I thought it was simplicity, but I think simplicity was simply a byproduct of the real reason - their focus on prayer.

Spending the majority of your day in prayer (we're talking multiple hours) inevitably creates a sense of simplicity. And I thought it was the simplicity that was missing from my home churches, but I don't think that that was the differentiating feature.

I've never really had a single church I call home - that's probably largely due to my tendency to travel the world and never be in one place for too long. So I tend to have different churches that have different strengths, and their combined efforts are what have a significant impact on me. I think the key aspects of church - prior to Taize - for me were teaching, worship, community, and service. And each church back home covered one of those areas quite well. But traveling to Taize - another church to add to my list (and I use the term church to refer to any community of believers together, whether it's in a traditional church building or not) - I realized that I was missing an important component - prayer. And it's funny that prayer is the one thing Jesus says will define his house - a house of prayer. I seemed to have missed that one in all my searching.

So it's not that the other components aren't still important, they are, it's just that prayer plays a significant difference in how I rely upon the other four areas. I'm slowly learning how to "raise the priority of prayer" in my own life, but I'm quickly realizing it's importance. I pray that I will never remain content or comfortable with my faith - that it will continue to expand and grow and uncover new truths - it's one of the most exciting journey's I've been on yet!

What's your motivating passion?

2010-10-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

I should really track my frequency of blog post writing vs. time since my last international trip. It seems that every time I return back home after a trip abroad, I take at least a month break from writing. Maybe that's my way of dealing with culture shock back to the states, or perhaps I get swept so quickly back into this culture that I forget how much I enjoy writing. So, time to start this all back up again :)

First, for the personal side of things - since returning home I've been heavily involved with launching a nonprofit called New Leaf Initiative. It's an exciting platform for connecting individuals and organizations around the world to collaboratively tackle sustainability challenges together. Over the last few weeks, we've been building the community and reaching out to people who we know are committed to making the world a better place. It's been incredibly inspiring and encouraging to see the support of so many people who, when given the opportunity, jump at the chance to join others and make a difference. You can never have too many friends like that!! If you're interested in joining or working alongside New Leaf, check out our website and send us an email.

Now onto a few thoughts that have been tossing around in my head alongside New Leaf...

For those of you who know me, you probably realize that I like being busy. I like having my hands in a bunch of projects and helping impossible dreams turn into incredible realities. And as sincere as I can be, many of those projects come from a desire simply to make the world a better place - to do good.

But while I was up at State College this past week, my pastor posed a question that struck me and hasn't left my thoughts for quite some time. When it comes to leaving a mark in the world, what is your motivating passion?

And initially, my response was because I want to do good in the world. But then he went on, and began to tell this story.

In the days before his death, Jesus was hanging at home with all of his disciples and followers. While they were sitting around (presumably talking, maybe playing a bit of pool if they had it back then), Mary walks over to Jesus with a bottle of extremely expensive perfume, equivalent to about a year's wages. If that were nowadays, it would be equivalent to about $20,000 - clearly a very cherished possession of Mary's and something she had been saving for for quite awhile. As she neared Jesus, Mary opened the bottle of perfume and poured it over Jesus' body (maybe just his feet, perhaps his whole body, but the point being that she didn't just dab a bit on each wrist - she emptied the bottle). As she poured out her prized possession for Jesus, many of the disciples in the room became visibly upset and called Mary out, telling her that she was foolish in wasting the perfume. Rather, she should have sold the small jar of liquid and used the money to feed the hungry and clothe the naked, a direct response to Jesus' teachings over the past few days.

They were basically saying, "Mary, you could have done so much good in the world, why did you have to go and waste that opportunity?"

It's as if the disciples were responding to the question "When it comes to leaving a mark in the world, what is your motivating passion?" by saying - "to do good!"

I get it, I probably would have thought a very similar thing to those disciples.

But Jesus doesn't side with the disciples. He responds by telling them that the poor will always be with them, but he won't. What Mary had just done will be remembered throughout history when this story is told, and that she was doing what her heart led her to. What the disciples were overlooking was their motivating passion. Jesus wasn't looking for people simply to do good in the world; he was looking for people who love him. And out of those 'crazy love bursts,' people are led to extravagant generosity, and you find yourself pouring out $20,000 worth of liquid on someone's feet.

Sure, those love bursts will often lead to doing good in the world - because that seems to be one of the main purpose's of Jesus' time in this world - but it sometimes leads to more than that. It leads to irrational and seemingly absurd acts that aren't motivated by anything other than a crazy love for Christ, and subsequently, those around us. Sounds a bit radical, but I wouldn't expect much else.

So as those thoughts have been swirling around up in my head, I've been asking myself more frequently what is my motivating passion for doing good in the world? Is it for myself, is it for those around me, or is it out of a love for Christ.

I love the way that pastor dan explains how our hearts are transformed when we check our motivation - we find ourselves loving deeply, forgiving completely, serving sacrificially, and giving extravagantly. That's the kind of life I want to live. As I find myself caught up in the tornado of projects and exciting ventures over the next few months (which is inevitable), I hope that I can continue to remind myself of why I do the things I do, and who's behind it all.

If you're interested in listening more, check out Dan's sermon here, it's entitled 'Leave a Mark: Extravagant Generosity.' Thanks Dan for getting me thinking once again :)

Look for untraditional solutions

2010-08-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

"Nobody says a piano has to be played with your hands"

Before doing anything else, go and watch this video, and you'll get the picture.

Think of the struggles that you and I face each and every day - how often do we use those struggles or setbacks as an excuse for not growing and moving forward. The human race excels at finding excuses, rather than creating solutions.

Each and every one of us possess beautiful and unimaginable talents, yet sadly, we tend to let those talents remain disguised behind false imperfections in the way we have been made. We fail to see that those imperfections are part of how we have been designed, and are the reasons we are so wonderfully unique and beautiful.

Whether it's a mental struggle, like the fear of public speaking, or a physical obstacle, like the pain caused from a back or knee problem - we all have our own challenges.

But the overarching challenge that all of us face, is learning to define ourselves not by our hindrances, but through our possibilities.

Struggle is nothing more than an opportunity for perseverance.
Obstacles are meant only to highlight creativity.
And pain is simply a chance to reveal love.

Perhaps we can use the example of Liu Wei to take a second and identify our own struggles, and rather than be frustrated with how they limit us, be encouraged with how they can free us.

For more about these thoughts, check out an older post from a few years ago, still one of my favorites from this blog and probably the one person who has taught me the most important lessons in life, and he had barely made it to 3rd grade...

Happy 100th!!

2010-08-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

In honor of one of my heroes and her 100th birthday, here's a few quotes that continually inspire me, regardless of how many times I read them. Mother Theresa is one of those role models that I hope will impact generations to come.

If we only act how we think our lives should be,

Imagine the amazing possibilities that would be.

Quotes from Mother Theresa...

1) I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

2) It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.
3) Intense love does not measure, it just gives.

4) If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

5) God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.

6) Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
7) One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.
8) There is only one God and He is God to all; therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equal before God. I’ve always said we should help a Hindu become a better Hindu, a Muslim become a better Muslim, a Catholic become a better Catholic.
9) The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are. Poverty for us is a freedom. It is not mortification, a penance. It is joyful freedom.
10) The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace.
11) My secret is a very simple one: I pray

the final day

2010-08-12T02:05:00.000-07:00

Every book eventually turns its final page. Every sunset eventually releases its final ray on the spreading darkness. And every trip eventually leads to the final day with only an ocean to cross before returning back home.

I'm glad that day has come.

It has been one more incredible journey to add to the past few years of stories and as this one comes to an end, I am leaving having gained more friends then I ever thought possible to obtain in such a short amount of time. From the old spanish man I shared a sleeper car with on my first overnight train to our disney tour guides that lead us through Italy. From those that I shared a meal with during a Turkish circumcision festival to the incredible small group I found myself surrounded by in Taize. This summer has been full of people; incredible, beautiful and diverse people.

And in gaining this new set of individuals to lean on and trust in, I have deepened the most important relationship I have in my life, the one I share with Christ.

I have come to realize that true love is found in communion - communion with god and communion with friends. When we open ourselves up to expose those inner most frustrations, joys, pains, and dreams, we then begin to live life to its fullest. We begin to live the life that god intended for each of us. The challenge is to learn how to open ourselves up to not only our friends, but to god as well.

Standing raw in front of god is not the fluffy picture I sometimes imagine of Jesus sitting under a tree and welcoming all the children to him. Exposing ourselves entirely to god invokes a lot more emotion, such as when Lazarus died. In the story, Jesus goes to where Mary and the others are mourning the death of Lazarus. There, Mary exposes herself, hiding none of her frustrations or feelings, entirely to Jesus.

Mary came to where Jesus was waiting and fell at his feet, saying "Master, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died."
When Jesus saw her sobbing and the Jews with her sobbing, a deep anger welled up within him. He said, "Where did you put him?"
"Master, come and see," they said. Now Jesus wept.

Just as with the kids under the tree, Mary finds herself running towards Jesus and falling in his lap. But not in happiness and joy as the children might be experiencing, but instead in complete frustration, exhaustion and sadness over the loss of her brother. Rather than leaping into Jesus' lap, Mary finds herself collapsing at his feet.

That's what communion requires, that's what a relationship with Christ looks like at times.

Each step along this summer journey has helped me uncover what that relationship looks like for me; each city and town teaching me something different.

As I pack my bags and jot down the final email for friends I plan on keeping in touch with, I have realized that sometimes the simplest of revelations take the longest to fully understand. But of everything that this summer has taught me, one of the most important lessons is this:

Count your days in neither minutes nor hours, but rather smiles and conversations.

It's amazing how quickly I lost track of my time while traveling this summer. In the beginning, I was concerned with how many days I had left on my train pass and when I needed to get from place to place to meet up with certain people. But as time passed, and those concerns disappeared, I began to forget about how much time it had been since leaving Sweden or before returning back home. Instead I found myself dwelling on conversations and smiles. Fortunately, I was able to record a few of those conversations, specifically about sustainability, here. The smiles I will have to work a little better on documenting, but trust me, there were plenty of them :)

'Pay It Forward' Cafe

2010-08-11T02:05:00.000-07:00

An awesome example of how serving others completely in selfless love can truly change the world. I love finding examples like this and thinking of how we can take such a simple idea and expand it into other areas of our life - anybody have some ideas??

The idea of the cafe is that you come and have a meal and then at the end of the night, your bill comes and says that the person before you has paid for your meal, if you'd like, you can choose to pay it forward and pay for the next person's meal, however much you'd like to contribute, whether $0 or $40. It's amazing when people are given the opportunity to serve and help others, how willing we are. It's so important to be able to create those environments and opportunities were people feel comfortable to give themselves selflessly. For many of us, the simplest of barriers, such as feeling uncomfortable, stops us from serving others. But once the space is created which breaks down that barrier, then we become more willing to serve even in the uncomfortable parts of life.

For more info about the cafe, check out Karma Kitchen.

From around the world...

2010-08-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

I've been at the World Youth Congress now for a few days and I can honestly say it is exceeding expectations. I need to find more of these opportunities in the future which bring together thousands of passionate youth who have gone beyond just hoping for a better world, and rather, have started and managed their own projects and organizations. Together, people from this congress are making a significant impact on the world around them, and it's a privilege to be among such a group.

But don't fret if you feel left out - the congress has made an attempt to put most of the material available here online in addition to filming a livestream of most of the congress throughout these few days. Check it out here and here.

I haven't had time to write nearly as much as I do (which I'm beginning to miss) so will hopefully take some time alone at some point soon to write a bit more. And since I haven't had time to upload any of my own photos, instead I've decided to steal some pics from the virtual congress and Re:present, an awesome group started in Sweden helping out and documenting the whole congress - check them out!

Off to the World Youth Congress

2010-07-28T06:26:00.000-07:00

So quick update of what's on the schedule for my travels in the next two weeks. Today is my last day in London and then tomorrow morning I will be flying off to Istanbul, Turkey to participate in the 5th World Youth Congress. Turkey will be my last stop in Europe for this summer before flying back home to the good ole US - I can see the end in sight.

In Turkey, the Congress will bring together 1,400 individuals from around the world to focus on global development challenges and ways of properly addressing the UN Millennium Development Goals. It will be full of cultural performances, workshops, action projects and plenty of interesting people! Part of me is not entirely sure what to expect, well actually most of me :) I hope to be updating this blog a bit more frequently while I'm there, I'm hoping to do short posts each night with something new I've learned or experienced.

To start things off a bit, here's a few interesting links I stumbled on while I've spent the last two days catching back up on internet.

Infographic of the amount spent on water bottle in the House of Representatives.
Encouraging sign that the US will start to invest more money into artificial photosynthesis research.
Interesting collaboration in the fashion world to create an eco-label for clothing.

Also, if you haven't been following, check out my other blog at Curb to Curb for more conversations and opinions about sustainability as I travel around Europe talking to different people on the streets. Some interesting thoughts have been popping up over there...

simply discovering the beauty

2010-07-23T18:02:00.000-07:00

The water crashes on the boulders beneath me in no particular order,
Each wave, colliding violently with the immovable force in front of it.
The water churns below and frequently demonstrates its all-encompassing power.

Yet in the crashing, colliding, and churning,
A glimmer of sunlight reflects off of each crest.
A shimmer of beauty in the middle of repetitive violence.

Off the coast of Cinque Terre, Italy

I wish we would learn how to see those shimmers of beauty more easily, but sometimes we get such a sensory overload from the violence in the world that the beauty seems to disappear. I think this is one of the keys that I have come to learn from Taize. By developing a lifestyle of simplicity and communion with god, I have come to see those moments of beauty so much more clearly.

After leaving Taize, I traveled south towards Italy once again. I stayed a night in Torino, then met up with a friend of mine in Genova and then spent the following day hiking Cinque Terre - five fisherman villages all within hiking distance along the cliffs on the ocean. I have really seen the beauty in simplicity here at Cinque Terre. As the sun was setting and the small towns were quieting down, I found a secluded area of rock along the cliffs and laid down to watch the sky paint itself over. As I laid there, a single fisherman paddled his small boat out into the open water and when he was far enough from the town, stopped and laid back to watch the setting sun. I don't think he even noticed me along the coast as I watched with him, but it felt like I was sharing that moment with a good friend, even though we didn't talk a word and knew nothing about one another.

My time traveling alone has been an incredible experience, and one that I will cherish for quite some time. But as I sat on the cliff, with the fisherman and his boat drifting out in front of me, I realized the importance of sharing these moments with close friends and family. Perhaps that is why I enjoy writing posts for this blog so much, so that you all can share in my experiences.

After my time in Cinque Terre, I traveled briefly to Pisa to see the tower and then flew off to London to help a friend with a workshop at an Arts and Music festival in England. I think this experience in itself needs its own dedicated post, but it has been filled with creative and whacky people. But in the middle of the hecticness, I also found myself in a tent where Ian Goldin, former VP of the World Bank, was giving a speech on humanity's future in 2050.

With any presentation on this subject, it had it's fair share of scary ideas and possibilities - from pandemics to conflicts, and climate change to population rises. Yet in all the violent images and scenarios presented, I managed to find peace in knowing that their will always be a simplistic beauty to be found in all of those situations. Beauty will continue to flourish, despite the number of weeds that may try to crowd it out.

I wish I knew the secret that would change our society from one which thrives off of negative ideas to positive ones, but it seems that news programs have done the research and found that we for some reason prefer negative and conflicting stories to those which are uplifting. Perhaps we like hearing about all the crap in the world because it makes our own personal crap seem not as bad. But in always presenting the crap, we forget to look for the beauty.

Maybe the secret is simpler than I thought, and is simplicity itself. If we learned to slow life down and focus on simplicity, then we may learn to trust more fully in God and see the world as he intended it to be created.

Maybe simplicity is the secret...

jumping into faith

2010-07-21T04:21:00.000-07:00

Four centuries after Christ, Augustine wrote:

"If you desire to see God, you already have faith."

I think too many people are afraid to venture into that journey with god because they aren't entirely ready to swim in the gold-medal race. We like to have things figured out and practiced before signing up for something. But god doesn't seem to require any prerequisites or special training, he just encourages us to jump right in, regardless if we're in the shallow or deep section.

Brother Roger of Taize wrote:

"Faith is not the result of effort, but is a gift from god."

I have to remind myself of this sometimes, because I can get confused that the faith I have is created out of the experiences I've had and questions I've asked. But faith is nothing that I have made through my efforts over the year, but is rather freely given to me, and to all of us, by god. Now the experiences and questions along the way have significantly molded and shaped my faith, but faith in itself still remains a gift.

I was also struck while reading in Luke 17:6 when Jesus says:

"You don't need more faith. There is no 'more' or 'less' in faith."

Sometimes I feel like faith is a big measuring cup and as life progresses, I slowly fill it up. But there is no quantity on the amount of faith we have.

So how do you define faith?

Regardless if we consider ourselves religious or not, we all have faith in something. Whether that be our family, our friends, or our skills - faith is a critical component for all of us. But it can be hard to define.

As I was reading some thoughts from Mother Teresa, it became very clear how faith impacts so many other areas of my life. And at the same time, it pointed out some areas that could use a bit of work. When Mother Teresa would meet someone, she would hand them a business card with the following message on it:

The fruit of silence is prayer.
The fruit of prayer is faith.
The fruit of faith is love.
The fruit of love is service.
The fruit of service is peace.

silence --> prayer --> faith --> love --> service --> peace

The prayer and silence part of that list specifically stand out as areas I'd like to focus even more on. But I find it quite interesting that it is from silence in which prayer, and eventually faith, develops. Of the many things that I would have come up with to define faith and what molds it, I don't know if silence would have been on that list. Spending my time here at Taize, I have come to see the beauty and importance of silence and am slowly learning how to silence not only the eyes, mouth, and hands, but the mind as well.

holy hope

2010-07-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

I like 'hope.' For most of us, hope is a term that brings encouragement, anticipation, and trust. When I think of the suffering in the world, I like to think that there is hope for a brighter and more beautiful future in those places. For the most part, I think it's fair to say that hope is a primarily positive idea.

But earlier this year, I was listening to someone talk about an old Buddhist saying, which talks about the danger of putting our trust in hope. I'm not sure of the exact phrasing, but the saying talks about the danger of hope because hope and fear serve as two sides to the same coin. If you rely on either one of them, sooner or later you will begin to see and feel the effects of the other side.

As an example, the speaker was talking about President Obama's election. Most of Obama's campaigning was built on the idea of hope, and he was very successful at rallying so many people behind him through this strategy. Hope was probably a large reason he got the presidency. But after a few months in office, the public opinion towards him and his administration started to decline because many of the things Obama had hoped he would accomplish, were not there yet. As the speaker explained, this was simply the other side of the coin, despair and fear, starting to show themselves. By placing too much trust entirely in hope, then we set ourselves up to becoming even more prone to feeling the effects of fear. The harder you rely on hope, the harder you may be hit by despair. It seems there's some truth in that.

But is this really the case with God?

Brother Roger, the founder of the Taize community, wrote

"the Gospel offers such a shining hope that it can bring joy to our soul."

Does 'gospel hope' offer something different, is there a despair side to God and his gospel?

The more I've been reading through the gospel, most specifically John's account, the more I've been noticing the many times that hope is referred to. Jesus brings hope to the world. But could it be that we put so much trust and faith into the hope that is presented in the bible, that eventually we begin to feel the other side of the coin and experience despair? Does faith in god set us up to feel despair more easily?

I've been praying about this thought over the last week and I've come to see that gospel hope is in fact something different.

The despair side of the coin is always with us, it is found in the weak and sinful human condition that we can't escape, regardless of how hard we try. We were born sinners and as strong as we feel we are, we are truly weak (just think of how many times you have walked past a homeless person and not had the strength to stop and get to know them and their story). But the difference between gospel hope and good-ole human hope is that Jesus enters the picture through the gospel. The beauty of Jesus is he takes the despair within our lives and erases the sins we were once tied down to. That's the whole purpose of the cross - to wipe clean the despair side of the coin that has been present throughout all of history.

As I reflected on this, another quote came to mind.

"Do not depend on the hope of results...but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself." - Thomas Merton

With the work that we pursue in this life, this is truly the case. Hope in our work is a two-sided coin, and if we don't see the results that we expected we would, we can fall into the trap of despair. But the rightness and truth of the work - that is the part that concerns what is holy. Perhaps the quote could be rewritten.

"Do not depend on human hope, but on holy hope."

Holy hope finds its source in God, "a god who simply loves and can do nothing else, a god who never stops seeking us." (Brother Roger)

If you want to read more about hope and fear, check out this article which talks further about the idea.

humbly giving

2010-07-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

Something I have been trying to remind myself recently is to focus on the true source of happiness and joy for our lives. Brother Roger was the founder of Taize nearly 70 years ago, and offered many words of hope and inspiration to those who have found themselves coming to Taize each and every year. One of the things Brother Roger said was:

"the source of happiness is not in prestigious talents or great expertise, but in the humble giving of oneself."

Especially within the rapidly growing field of sustainability, it's easy to get caught up trying to know the most about some area or desiring to gain a wealth of experience to be taken as credible, but we should remind ourselves that such pursuits only lead towards burnout or frustration. If we learn how to be selfless and put our lives on the line for others, then we will begin to find true joy in our lives.

Jesus says in John 15:12 "Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends."

Put your life on the line, be selfless and sacrificial to those around you. When I think of putting others ahead of me, the first image that comes to mind is when I'm standing in line. Whether it be a line to get food, enter a movie theatre, or get seats in the student section at a penn state football game (ok maybe that last one is too hard to put others ahead of ourselves), I try to practice being selfless and letting others go first. But perhaps there are deeper examples for how to be sacrificial for our friends, and even our enemies...

Would you lay your life down for your enemies, sacrificially and willingly? May we learn to humbly give ourselves to those around us, in both the mundane and difficult moments of life.

eyes of love

2010-07-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

So one of my favorite verses has to be John 12:25

"...for anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."

I just love the term 'reckless' because there's so many times where I find myself too cautious in my love. I gravitate towards easy love. I've been reading some quotes from Mother Teresa and one of the things she says is:

"It is easy to love people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your own home for this is where our love for each other must start."

It can be hard, especially in areas with sufficient wealth and minimal material poverty, to be fully reckless in our love. We can write the check to send money to "people far away" and then spend the next minute driving towards a restaurant to buy triple the amount of food we just sponsored with our check and to throw half of it out. Perhaps we start at the wrong place, for their is nothing wrong with writing a check to help others far away, but is our love truly sincere if it is not shown at home?

During the last supper, one of Jesus' disciples asks him "Master, why is it that you are about to make yourself plain to us but not the world?" Jesus responds by saying: "Because a loveless world, is a sightless world."

How clearly do we see the poor around us? Not just material poverty, but spiritual poverty as well. WIth selfless and sacrificial love, it's as if we have a new set of eyes to see and act in the world around us.

Mother Teresa says:

"Looking at your eyes I can tell whether there is peace in your heart or not. We see people radiating joy and in their eyes you can see purity. If we want our minds to have silence, keep a silence of the eyes. Use your two eyes to help you to pray better."

What do our eyes tell us about ourselves and our hearts?

May we learn to pursue peace, for there is truly no limit to love.

this one sows, that one harvests

2010-07-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

I've been reading through John this week and came across this verse which I hadn't entirely noticed before.

"This one sows, that one harvests. I sent you to harvest a field you never worked. Without lifting a finger, you have walked in on a field worked long and hard by others."

I find myself too often feeling as if I'm meant to do both the sowing and the harvesting in life - for many things, but especially when it comes to relationships with people. But after reading Jesus' words, I'm reminded that we are not meant to solve everything on our own, perhaps our role is to only find the corner piece to a puzzle and then hand the rest over to someone else.

I've been close to a few people who have struggled with some really hard stuff in their life, and after a few years pass, I sometimes look back and question how important my role actually was to that person.

During those hard times, I try to make decisions that I won't regret later, always moving forward and keeping my gaze on Christ leading me ahead. But sometimes I confuse regret of 'I could have done more' with regret of 'I could have solved it.'

But reading John 4:37-38, I was reminded that we are not intended to fully and entirely solve problems. No single individual is capable of such a feat.

Sometimes our role is simply to sow the field and let it wait for someone else to come and harvest the crop. In other times of our life, it may look like we came into a situation, had a conversation with a person, and immediately made an impact to that individual. I've had a few moments like those and sometimes I wonder what I did differently for that person compared to others who may have responded differently.

But perhaps it's not what I did, but rather what role I was designed to play for that person. Was I sowing the ground through our conversation, or was I harvesting the work done by many others who had come before me?

It's hard to be the sowers in life, because you don't always see the fruits of your labor. You work long and hard, tending the soil and carefully nitpicking every detail of the field. But all that is left after that is a field ripe for growing something, and it is the harvesters who see the true beauty emerge from your hard work. But we are not to be discouraged for serving that kind of role in life, rather we need to trust in the rightness of the work we are doing.

I recently learned that I played a significant role as a sower to someone very close to me, and although I knew that the work that had been done there involved many hours of conversations and prayer, I wasn't entirely aware of the true beauty that emerged from that field. There were other people who played the role of harvester. But after hearing that person say how important I was to them as a sower, I was humbled by the true mystery of God's work in our lives.

We will never understand the intricateness and detail involved with God's work, rather we will only see that small part of the bigger picture which we are meant to fulfill. But without playing that part, the rest of the field could never be harvested.

We all have people in our lives who have been both sowers and harvesters to us - take the time to really think who those people are, and tell them thank you. It truly means the world.

simple words

2010-07-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

So I've been learning to hear God's call through simplicity this week, and here's a few of the things that have stood out as I read more through John's gospel. It's amazing how much you can dwell on such simple teachings.

John 1:39
"Come and see for yourself."
John 9:25
"I was blind...now I see."
John 11:35
"Jesus wept."
John 14:27
"That's my parting gift to you. Peace."
John 19:28
"I'm thirsty."
John 19:30
"It's done...complete."
John 21:16
"Do you love me?"
1 John 4:17
"God is love."
1 John 4:18
"There is no room in love for fear."

simple

2010-07-05T16:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the last two weeks I have been out of touch with my beloved internet, so in celebration of our reunion, I am slowly sharing thoughts I've had stored up over the last few days. Here's the first of many to come...

One of my favorite quotes from this past year in Sweden was made by a classmate of mine: "How do we bring love into the boardroom?"

So often, terms like love, peace and beauty are kept distant from the business world, a place where efficiency and success are declared trump over most other things. But is what the world defines as successful in fact the direction we really want to be moving?

This week, I have been living at Taize, France and absorbing myself in God's word and in prayerful conversation with him everyday. Taize is truly an incredible place. Every day, the entire community (around 3,000 people) comes together three times for group prayer. I have spent around 4-5 hours in prayer every day, most of which is either in silence or through the simple repetition of a single phrase, of which most is in another language. There is no lead pastor and no sermon. There are no seats to sit on, just the floor to kneel on. It is so simplistic, and so beautiful.

I've had a lot of time to reflect and pray during these few days, and many of the following posts will have thoughts developed from this time. But the first thing that struck me was the power of simplicity.

I often find myself in tune with the complicated and busyness of life. I like constant change (just ask anyone who has lived with me and noticed how many times my bed moves to a new position). I enjoy times of complexity and hecticness. Maybe it's my personality, maybe it's the culture that I grew up in.

But during my time here at Taize, I have found myself at a strange peace through simplicity and silence. Silence is something hard for me to deal with, I can't think of many times where music isn't being played from my computer. Even just this instance I had to hit the pause button on the computer, and suddenly I can hear the birds singing and crickets chirping in the tall grass beside me.

During the first night of prayer, these were the thoughts that first came to mind:

"I can feel when my heart beats in rhythm with God's. The chatter in the air around me turns to silence, and a calm pulse moves up and down my bones, like a gentle breeze sweeping through a wheat field. Closer than ever, I can see and feel love. God appears in a variety of ways, and I pray that I begin to hear God in the silence more clearly. My time with God is often supported by music or conversations with friends, but I am longing to know the God of silence more intimately. This pen, and the keys of my computer, have been a critical means for me to grow as a person and transcribe the thoughts in my head, but it's time to really dive into silent prayer, just Christ and I. It's too easy nowadays to push that time off, and as I sit here, those are the words I hear Christ telling me - that's what sends the pulse through my bones."

The simplicity of silence, repetition and community have really stood out to me recently, and now I find myself asking the question: "How do we bring simplicity into the boardroom?"

Taize was designed to be "a community where kindness of heart and simplicity would be at the centre of everything" (Brother Roger, founder) and as a result, has flourished and been a light to so many around the world. Where are we welcoming simplicity and silence into our lives? What clutter needs to be cleaned out? And how, if at all, does simplicity play a role in the work that we do?

Picture update

2010-07-03T23:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, one last post before heading off, here's a bunch of pictures from the last little bit - plenty more to post at some point though :) And they're mostly in the correct order, except for the last one, ha.

Curb to Curb

2010-07-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

After a few days in Paris, it's time to move on once again. I've spent the last two weeks traveling from Italy to France with the rest of my family and tomorrow they head back home. So as they head towards the airport, I'll be finding my way back to the train station where I'll be catching a train down to Taize, France for a week. I will be staying at the Taize community for a week long retreat and time of reflection. I'm not entirely sure what to expect but am really looking forward to meeting up with some new people and writing a bit more. I'm not sure what my internet status will be so I may be posting a lot of those thoughts later on, so stayed tuned. But in the meantime, you can check out the other blog that I've been working on this summer: Curb to Curb - City to City.

www.curbtocurb.wordpress.com

I've been working with some friends from Sweden to record conversations about sustainability with various people throughout the summer. As we travel from place to place, we will either be writing up blogs or posting videos about our conversations. Feel free to check it out and let me know what you think :)

What I say and what I do

2010-06-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

Wow, talk about being super confronted about a passage in the bible. Do you ever get that gut-twisting feeling that as hard as you try to avoid, you just can't seem to run from it. So I've been traveling throughout Italy the past week with my family. We've been a part of a Disney-guided group and it really has been awesome, the Disney magic has been there the whole way through so far. Now there have been some changes to get used to, from traveling with a large group of people, to being able to eat ice cream every night, to actually sleeping in a nice bed. Sure those things have been fun, but there's also been this uneasy feeling in the back of my gut this whole time that I haven't fully been able to get rid of - and I think I just started to figure out what is causing it...

Over the past few days, we've done a ton of walking and have seen some incredible sights - from everything throughout Rome and the Vatican and now venturing into Florence. We've witnessed some of the incredible art and architecture, we've been able to taste the famous Italian cuisine, and along the way meet some wonderful people. But at the same time, I've found that it is much easier to ignore certain other people because of the whole experience. Now I didn't realize this at the time, and it took a song to really call me out on it.

Seventh Day Slumber has a song that is a lyrical form of the passage Matthew 25 and goes like this. Really take a few minutes to listen to the song.

I call myself a man of god, while laughing at my brother
I crossed the heart of a hungry man instead of giving him some bread
And what I say and what I do, they're not the same anymore
Who I slain, who I betray, lord have mercy on my soul
You were hungry, you were thirsty, you were lonely, you were cold
You were hurting, you were dying, and I just left you all alone

Watched a mother who had her children they're all three crying out for help
No one heard them, and I just passed them, and I screamed lady get a job
She took her own life, under the bridge that day, while her children sat and cried
I could have told her about my loving father, instead I spit in Jesus face, when I heard her voice

What you do unto the least of them, you do unto me
And when you see one of my hurting children, I want you to see me
Cause I was hungry, and I was thirsty, I was lonely, I was cold
That was me hurting, that was me dying, and you just left me all alone

I call myself a man of god, while laughing at my brother...

So as we've been passing through different areas of Italy, we've come across a lot of beggars on the streets, which is something I haven't crossed that much over the last year. Being a part of a tour group or with my entire family, I found it so much easier to walk by without stopping. When I'm traveling alone, it's not that I'm more aware of what's around me, but rather that I have no excuse to ignore what's around me. Being with a larger group (whether that's a family or tour group) I find myself justifying why I'm not able to stop and do something.

I crossed the heart of a hungry man instead of giving him some bread
And what I say and what I do, they're not the same anymore

And as fascinating as it was to think about the skill needed to build something like the Colosseum, the longer I walked around the Rome, the less I thought about the construction and the more I thought about how these same beggars have been here since the days when they were constructing the Colosseum. The song challenges us to see Jesus any time we see one of those among us hurting, suffering, or struggling. What do you see when you pass by those people on the street? Do you really see Jesus - I can't say I always do. I see them and start trying to figure out if it's a legitimate plea, what their back story is, and whether I can afford or have the right bills to donate. And typically all that thought process results in me already ten steps past and thinking it's too late to do anything about.

I guess I don't have as good of vision as I once thought.

But if we think about the fact that those beggars have been there throughout history, we can also see that Jesus and the work he desires to be done has been there all along as well. He's just waiting for the rest of us to open our eyes to him - Jesus is living in the poverty all around us, but what are we doing about it...

When I got back to the bus today and opened my computer to start writing, I flipped open the screen which has a huge sticker on it that says "Walk in Love." It was a Christmas gift and an awesome reminder in how to live our lives. But perhaps we need to stop walking and start sitting, eating, and dwelling in love - it's easy to focus on walking in love so much that we pass right by those who need it most. Maybe I should add some verbs to that sticker...

Take a second to really think about the hungry, thirsty, lonely, cold, hurting and dying around you - put a name to their face. Now go and read Matthew 25 and try and flip the page, I dare you. Are we really living like Jesus called us to live? What are we doing for them, and what if we can't even think of a name? I know my bookmark is stuck on Matthew 25, I'll let you know once I flip the page...

Learning to be amazed

2010-06-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been struggling for words to describe certain feelings or experiences. Over the last three years, this blog has followed me to all corners of the earth - starting in the Serengetti, making it's way to Jamaica, Australia and Jordan, and most recently finding it's way to Europe and into the alps. I've grown more comfortable in translating certain thoughts to words, but there are still those experiences that seem impossible to verbalize. At times I've felt the urge to try and paint a picture or even make up new lyrics to a song - but it's still not always possible to capture the moment.

Sometimes I think I focus too much on trying to 'define' my experience with God. My relationship with Christ has changed my life like nothing else has, and I tend to have this feeling of needing to adequately express it publicly. It has made such a difference for me that it would be silly for me to keep that all to myself. But as I was listening to a song today, I was reminded that sometimes we don't need to constantly find new ways to praise God and share that experience with others. The lyrics go:

Can I accept that in a world of changes
You're not impressed with something new
If I don't understand the language of a heart that's after you

Can I put my pride aside and learn to sing in time with someone else's praises
I love you, I love you, I love you and nothing new
I love you, I love you, I love you and nothing new

As I catch this travel bug, I try to remind myself that with so many different cultures, views, people, places, foods, stories, and means of worship in the world - coming up with a new way of praising God does not impress God simply because it is new. Instead, he is impressed when we sincerely cry out from the language of our heart that we can do nothing more but love. Sure that will be different for each of us, but it is the sincerity that matters, not the fact that it is new. I have begun to find that language of my heart through this blog, and the more I write, the more sincere my posts have become.

As I've had the brief opportunity to do some hiking in the alps, I've had numerous moments where I've felt that there needs to be a way to capture the moment in it's entirety. Perhaps I've been searching too much for a new way of explaining that moment though. When I really sit and think about it - the message is so simple - it is God's way of saying "I love you" right back to me. It's amazing that I can focus so much attention on trying to re-word the feeling of love I have towards God, but in all that searching and writing and painting, I sometimes overlook the simple message that God is writing back, he loves me even more than I love him.

The song has another lyric in it:

Can I learn to be amazed by you

It's funny that we sometimes have to 'learn' to be amazed, you would think that that is something that just happens. But perhaps in this world of constant change, we complicate things too much and miss the simple moments of amazement and awe.

My pastor up at State College uses the term 'aweful' quite a lot - how can we learn to recognize those moments that fill us with awe?

It's always easy to find those moments of awe when you're traveling through the alps, and I am quite grateful for all the people and moments that have allowed me to travel to places like this, but I hope to learn to recognize the moments of amazement outside of these magnificent mountains. God is always finding innovative ways of telling each and every one of us that he loves us fully and unconditionally. Have we learned to open our hearts and ears enough to be able to hear that message though?

Quick stop in Austria

2010-06-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

Well I've made it to the last city on my trek before meeting up with my family. I'm leaving Mayrhofen now after leaving Matt, McLean and Anna up in the Alps - I'm sure they'll manage to find a place to sleep for the night. On Tuesday morning I took a train from Fussen, Germany down to Innsbruck, Austria where I was meeting up with the gang. After arranging a hostel for the four of us, I then went to the train station a few times to pick everyone up and take them back to the hostel. Anna arrived first and then Matt and McLean showed up on a midnight train. Our hostel was an awesome find - it was in an old historic building in the middle of the old city in Innsbruck. We managed to get a private room for four which included a kitchen stocked with pasta and all kinds of cooking/eating items. So that took care of dinner for the night. The hostel was so old that they didn't even have machines for processing credit cards, so I am now officially out of all euros (although I'm still stocked on swedish kronas, swiss franks, and us dollars, none of which do me any good).

After everyone arrived into town, we hung out for a bit that night before getting some rest for the next day. The following morning we woke up and were treated to breakfast at the oldest cafe in the town (turns out we were not only in a hostel but a bed and breakfast, even better!). After some food, we packed up and headed for the train station where we caught a train to Mayrhofen, a small town about 1.5 hours outside of Innsbruck. Once we arrived, we glanced at a map, stashed some gear in lockers, grabbed a few key grocery items (bread, meat sticks and chocolate) and took off for the mountains. We spent the afternoon hiking up the mountain to Wasserfall, a one-building stop with a lake and lots of small waterfalls falling off the alps into the lake. It was a great hike and we managed to pass by numerous cows along the way (I'm not sure why, but there was kissing of the cows involved at one point...). Once we arrived at Mayrhofen, I found a bus that would take me back down the mountain towards the train station and the rest of the gang kept hiking off into the valley where they were hoping to stay at one of the hostel huts along the path. They will be hiking the alps for the next four days before McLean has to fly back to the US on Sunday. I'm now waiting in the train where I will eventually be arriving in Rome in the morning to meet the fam, where the real fun begins :) I'm fairly certain my mom will be bringing along a month's supply of underwear for me which will sufficiently overflow my backpack for the summer. So for now, my time in the alps is up and I'm off to see other parts of Europe, however I have a sneaky suspicion that I will find myself back here at some point in the near future, they're too addicting.

Picture update

2010-06-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

Words can get pretty boring, so I apologize for the misproportion of text to images - so here's a few to hopefully make up - there's plenty more to come at some point though. The pictures below are from Amsterdam (and Oasis) and Interlaken. I still have some editing and uploading to do on the others.

Back in time

2010-06-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

I was reading a good friend of mine's blog the other day and he was talking about the importance of putting God in control of our plans, rather than always relying on our own plans. I think this is one of those ideas that sounds so simple but we rarely implement in our own lives. After reading his post, God demonstrated for me the power of sitting back and letting him plan things by leading me straight into the middle of a transformed medieval city - let me explain...

At the beginning of the summer, I had come up with a detailed plan of what cities I wanted to visit and which trains I would need to take to get to all of those places. It seemed like common sense to make sure that I actually had a place to sleep for the many nights ahead of me before my family arrived at the end of June.

Well turns out things didn't quite go according to my plans...

There were many times when my plans were changed or switched up - trying to find a place to stay last minute in Amsterdam around midnight, loving Switzerland so much that I canceled most of the other cities I had planned to travel to, and luckily finding a way to ride the Glacier Express because my Swiss time was extended. Now those change in plans meant that I arrived in Germany a day later than I had originally expected, which didn't seem like a big deal, turns out it worked largely in my favor though :)

So I arrived in Stuttgart on Friday, just in time to watch the Germany world cup match. Sadly they lost the game but it was still a crazy experience to hang outside with thousands of germans watching the game together. After strolling around Stuttgart for a little bit, I jumped on the train towards a small town called Reutlingen where I was staying with a good friend of mine from MSLS, Tilman. Tilman made an awesome dinner (and I am sufficiently caught up on any lack of butter I may have been experiencing due to traveling and a limited budget, butter, butter and more butter!) and then I managed to steal his internet for awhile to catch up on some work.

We still hadn't planned what we were going to do on Saturday but had been talking about going to see a castle for quite some time. Well at the last minute, Tilman realized that because my plans had changed and I had arrived two days later - I was actually just in time to see a yearly 'spectacle' in a small town called Horb, about an hour away. Turns out that every year the town re-enacts what the area and people used to look like back in the medieval time period and have actors re-enacting important charters that were signed and parades held throughout the town. For those Pennsylvanians out there, imagine the Renaissance Fair times 100, located in an authentic medieval german town, and with nearly every visitor dressed up as well - it was absolutely insane. There was jousting and knight fights, crazy medieval food, a bagpipe band that made the eurovision winners from Finland look pathetic, and so many random things to buy that looked like they were directly out of Hogwartz (the fact that everything was in german probably didn't help when it came to determining what those random things actually were).

As we were riding back to Reutlingen where I was going to stay the night, I just couldn't help but smile at the odds of me randomly pushing back my plans which resulted in the chance to go see Horb, a town I would never have known existed beforehand. Over the years as I travel more and more, I've got quite used to going with the flow and adapting plans as they happen - for me that is getting quite easy to do for traveling - but I need to try and apply that to other aspects of my life as well.

I like to know how things are going to, or supposed to, happen in life. Perhaps that is the control-freak part of me coming out and it is quite hard to tame down. But when we hand over our desires for how life should be run and give it to God, crazy things happen.

Well the craziness continues for my traveling and tonight I am sleeping in Fussen, Germany before heading down to Austria tomorrow to meet up with McLean and Matt. Today I went and saw Neuschwenstein, the famous german castle that Disney used as inspiration for the Cinderella castle in Florida. It was quite impressive and the first completely touristy thing I've done all trip, but it was definitely worth it! The castle itself is massive, but only 16 rooms inside have been finished because the king died unexpectedly and all construction stopped. As has been the story throughout this trip so far, it continued to rain all day but it made for some cool views as the clouds engulfed the castle on top of the hill. Now it is Sunday night and I am sleeping in a hostel and happy to have a hot shower and comfy bed to sleep in for the night. Onto Austria in the morning!

Into the Alps

2010-06-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

Well I believe I left off with me in Interlaken, Switzerland - time to catch you up on the past few days. On Thursday morning, I left my campsite in Interlaken and jumped on the train towards Brig where I just managed to catch the Glacier Express, known as the "slowest express train in the world." It has been called one of the most impressive train routes in all of Europe and after traveling on about half of it, I can easily see why.

But before boarding the train, I stopped into a local bakery to pick up some lunch for the ride. I grabbed a small sandwich and some chocolate which totaled 12 franks. With very little time to get to the train, I quickly swiped my card, signed, and bagged my purchases. For some reason, I managed to double glance down at the receipt as I started to walk away and noticed that instead of paying 12 franks, I had actually just paid 120 franks - slight difference. So after a jumbled attempt at trying to speak swiss german with the cashier, I eventually was able to get my money back with just enough time to get on the train.

Now the Glacier Express is a popular trip for older folks, and is nice for those wanting a relaxing ride through the mountains and a romantic meal along the way. My intention was slightly different, I just wanted to see glaciers and needed to get to the other side of switzerland at some point. So when I sat down in my seat, I found myself sitting across from a french couple (who spoke zero english) and found myself as the third wheel on their romantic little trip. Now typically one would buy a single seat for a single individual - not this couple. Of the four seats around our table, they bought three of the four - the two near the window and then another one so they could sit beside each other. So for half of the train they sat side by side, and then when dinner came, they sat across from one another for their romantic meal. Meanwhile, I sat in the fourth seat with my tiny sandwich in a plastic bag, a bar of chocolate, and a camera constantly shooting pictures over their shoulder. Fun times.

As their wine, full course meal, tiramisu, and a whole range of other things to keep them fed were served, I sat in awe of the sights around us (they didn't take a single picture the whole time we traveled, I'm not sure how that is possible, ha). The tracks that we traveled meandered their way through mountain range after mountain range, passing by tiny clusters of wooden homes darkened by the beating sun. A herd of cattle roam the hillside and we can hear their bells ringing as they move from patch to patch. The higher we climb, the closer we find ourselves to the glaciers that were only recently beckoning me to reach out and touch them back in Grindelwald. It's as if time has stopped - the glaciers stand so still as if they longed to be flowing down the mountain with the other waterfalls and streams trickling past us. Our train passes through a series of intricate tunnels and over beautifully-crafted bridges. A biker climbs the curving roads beneath us, just a speck in this massive landscape. I find myself staring out the window without really focusing on anything in particular.

As we pass by all the little towns beneath us, I started to think about how lucky I am to live in a place like Lancaster, or the US for that matter, where I have so many options and opportunities available to me. Now I'm sure the people who live in these towns love it, but I don't know if I could permanently live in such a solitary place. I began to notice that in many of these areas, there is typically only one church as well. Sometimes I forget how much of a privilege it is to be able to question the churches I grew up in and then have other options to choose from to find the one that fits best. We don't just have freedom of religion, but also numerous possibilities for religion.

Passing by the many small towns, we eventually arrive upon Chur, an old town in the center of the valley which consists of an elaborate network of back alleys and small squares. I decided this would be a good place to crash for the night. I left the train, leaving the french couple to actually enjoy the rest of their trip, and wandered into Chur looking for a place to stay. I eventually stumbled across an awesome hostel (with unlimited internet, got to love that) and unloaded my bags in one of the dorms. After strolling through the town for awhile, I went back to the hostel's sports bar and watched a few of the world cup games. There I met a guy from South Korea and we shared many of our stories from traveling around the world. The more I travel, the more I realize that there are so many other places to travel to - I think I'm going to have to make it a goal to every year or so go and see something new and inspiring. After the final game, I went back to my room and cleaned up a bit and got ready for the next train ride in the morning.

And that's where I find myself right now, riding on the train from Chur to Stuttgart where I am meeting a friend of mine from Sweden. It's just a few more days now until the family comes over and a whole new series of craziness ensues, as always, I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Hidden mysteries

2010-06-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

Well I made it to Interlaken and am loving it here in Switzerland. Interlaken, as the name implies, is situated between two big lakes and is surrounded by the alps. If it weren't for the gigantic mountain range around me, I would think I was in the Caribbean because of the water color - it is the most clear blue/green water I've seen in quite some time.

I've been staying at the oldest privately owned hostel in all of Switzerland, and it sure has some character to it. I've been staying in their tent village which is situated a bit outside of the town out in a field - nothing like falling asleep to crickets once again. As luck would have it, as I was arriving to my tent, I was stopped by a photographer and asked to help him out for a second. Turns out he was shooting the new promotional material for the hostel and wanted to use me as the model for his shots, so for all of you coming to Interlaken in the future - don't be surprised when you roll out of the train station and see my face (well actually it's the back of my head, I was told it's my better side) and bags on many of the brochures and signs. Life is good, haha.

After checking in to the hostel, I met up with Andrea (my roommate over the last year) for the rest of the afternoon and took a boat out to some of the little castles scattered across the lakes. We then had the best food yet on this trip in a tiny little pub and afterwards I went home and crashed after a long day of traveling. Two important things I discovered however on this day. One: Interlaken has the coolest water fountains in the world. They are all gravity fed from pure spring water running off the lake, and they flow all over the place in old stone troughs. Two: I managed to leave all of my underwear in Karlskrona, bummer. Interlaken has been a city of "inside-outing"and it's soon time that I buy myself a souvenir of some nice swiss undies.

This morning I took the train up to Grindelwald, a tiny village situated in the heart of the alps. After wandering the town for a bit, I decided to take a gondola up one of the mountains and hike back down to the town. Great decision! After arriving at the top and beginning my hike down, I quickly realized that it is a poor idea to wear flip flops when traveling to the alps, note to self, the alps are steep and sandals have no support. Oh well, it just made the whole thing more memorable.

As I wandered down the path back towards Grindelwald, I found myself passing field upon field of yellow, purple and white flowers scattered across the slopes. Surrounded on all sides, I was blanketed by an ever-stretching cloud that dwarfed the valley. I found myself in a trance down the mountain - and then I lost my breath.

As I gazed up ahead of me to see where the path turned next, a parting in the clouds was revealing the most magnificent mountain I have ever seen. It's peak silhouetted by the clouds, it beckoned me to try and touch it. The snowy caps trickled down the grooves on its face and as fast as I tried to scribble down my thoughts on a sheet of paper, the blanket consumed the peak once again.

I was left standing full of awe and found myself spinning slowly, wondering what other peaks lie hidden behind the clouds. It's amazing how such a beautiful mystery can be so easily hidden, and I have no say or control as to when I can see it.

There's been a lot of times in my life where I go looking for miracles, but it seems that it is during the moments when we aren't even looking, and can't possibly fathom that something so incredible is surrounding us entirely, that the miracle hits. God is a beautiful and miraculous god.

After sitting on the path for a few minutes I managed to catch my breath again, but words still took awhile to come back.

One of my recent prayers has been for god to continually bug me and nudge me to learn and grow and find those moments of beauty. I get excited and can't wait to think about all the moments of revealing that God has in store for me in the future, but for now, this mountain will have to suffice :) As cool as it would have been to see the entire mountain range on a clear day, I don't think I would have appreciated them quite as much.

So after making it back into Grindelwald, I decided to head back to the train and return to the hostel. On my way down, I discovered I had been sneaking onto the trains with my Inter-rail pass that in fact didn't work on these trains, go figure. Good thing I had absolutely zero swiss franks on me and was unable to pay the ticket fee to the conductor when they came around checking for tickets. I think he was ready for his shift to be over and just told me not to do it again, I think that shouldn't be a problem considering I leave tomorrow.

Once returning to Interlaken, I popped by the hostel reception area where I watched Switzerland surprisingly beat Spain in the world cup and then took an early night back to my tent. It's been a good day, even though it was filled with rain, and I am so thankful for the things I get to witness.

Oasis Wrap-up

2010-06-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

One city down, many more to go for this summer. I'm waiting in the Amsterdam train station to book my reservation for Interlaken, Switzerland later tonight (so I'm sorry if this post doesn't flow very well, it was typed up quite quick).

The past three days have been great and a much needed break from the student schedule of the last year. For the last two days, I have been involved with the Oasis Game, which is a process for bringing individuals together and realizing their dreams within their communities. Oasis was created in Brazil a few years ago and has since been expanding around the world. The idea is that a group of people come together (in this case, all over the world) and work alongside a community to make their dreams a reality. For our week, the community wanted to create a garden and a greenhouse, paint some murals and build soccer goals and a zipline for the kids. I was involved with building the zipline and greenhouse, and throughout the week dabbled in many of the other projects.

By far the biggest challenge was not being able to speak the language, and as a result, I had a very hard time interacting with the community and kids. Eventually you overcome that barrier and learn to interact in other means, but I was unable to go up to community members and ask them to join in or learn more about their life stories. But not being able to speak much meant that I was able to observe what was going on around me much more.

I was involved with the community for two days, but the entire event had been going on for a week before I arrived. The first day I was there, Saturday, was a bit of a learning experience for the group. We weren't able to get as much of the community involved as planned, we mostly had kids, and the organization for the different tasks that needed completed was lacking a tad. But with any project like this, you need those learning moments to know how to improve for the next time. Fortunately, we had a second day on Sunday, so at the end of the day on Saturday we talked as a group on how we wanted to engage the community more effectively and planned our working for the following day. The talk was quite helpful because Sunday was a huge improvement.

A large proportion of the community came out to help on Sunday and people were constantly bringing food and drinks if they weren't directly helping with the building, painting or gardening. In addition to the bonding with the community, it seemed that the core group for Oasis had begun to bond more tightly.

It was a whirlwind to get everything finished, and the greenhouse specifically took a lot of finishing details to get up and running. One of the keys about Oasis is that it uses only donated or recycled materials from the community. Most of the projects similar to Oasis I have been involved with (Jamaica, Lousianna, Tanzania) tend to have a more planned out system for obtaining materials, but in Oasis, we simply wandered around the community looking for anything we could find to use. For example, one group went to a shipyard and after talking with some people there, were able to find a large pulley to use for the zipline. For the greenhouse, we found some large metal poles, a lot of zipties and some plastic that we were able to strap up into something that surprisingly resembled a greenhouse.

One of the key things throughout the process was to ensure that the community was involved so that they would feel ownership and pride in continuing the project in the future. I wasn't sure how exactly this would turn out but I think it was most evident in the last two hours of our build time. Suddenly, people were coming out of their homes with hanging baskets for the greenhouse, different materials to make windchimes, and even an old rabbit house to place in the garden. It was neat to see how excited they were and willing to contribute.

The beauty behind Oasis however was not in the greenhouse that was built, the zipline that was created, or the murals that were painted, but rather in the community that was formed. It's amazing how little we tend to interact with our neighbors, and sometimes we just need a common activity to unite behind and hang out on the street corners talking with one another. It was almost like creating a mini Fourth of July in the community - just another reason to throw a party and BBQ.

Off we go

2010-06-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

Alright folks, let the stories begin. Everyone can rest assured as I have made it to a bed for the night and am not left wandering the streets of Amsterdam tonight. But let me explain how I managed that first. So I spent all day roaming the streets of Amsterdam with my bags looking for places to kill time. I stumbled across a few touristy sites in addition to a street of sports bars with tons of TV's outside to watch the opening match of the World Cup - can't wait for the Netherlands game on Monday, I have a feeling it's going to be a little wild :) After wasting enough time, I headed towards a place just outside of downtown where I was planning on meeting the group that I am planning on working with for the next few days, Oasis. If you haven't heard about this group yet, go check out this video for a good idea of what they do - it's quite inspiring!

Oasis
So after a good hour or so of crisscrossing the streets back and forth, I was convinced that google maps had taken me to the wrong location, as it appeared I was in the middle of a strange residential community, so I turned around and headed back to the central train station where I was hoping to find internet. It turns out that my phone doesn't work here in the Netherlands, or I just haven't quite figured it out yet, which made it difficult for me to reach Sophia, another girl in my program who had been here for a day already and I was planning on meeting at the event tonight. So I started walking and after about 30 minutes, looked up and who other do I see riding towards me on a bike, but Sophia!! So I flagged her down and we rearranged some seating on the bike and headed off together with another guy, Paulo from Brazil, back to where I had come from. Turns out google maps wasn't wrong after all and I just managed to miss the exact corner that this place was on. Fortunately a bike makes things much quicker!

For the rest of the night, we danced and ate and got to know one another better. I'm really becoming a fan of these circle dances where you all face one another, it really gets the energy flowing in a room (especially when brazilians are involved). Which reminds me, at one point in the evening, I found myself dancing with a brazilian lady who commented that I was a very good dancer because of my hip action - ha, who would have guessed they heard the day where a brazilian commented on my dancing ability! Needless to say the evening was a blast, and is also where I met Inge who warmly welcomed me into her home (can't say thank you enough!). And so that is where I am now.

I need to head to bed here soon but I thought I would reflect quickly on the night. I think one of the things that stood out to me is who you can create 'spiritual' spaces in any circumstance. Regardless of how we may define spiritual, there was something different about tonight, which for me, felt very spiritual. At the end of the dancing, we all found ourselves in a big circle, exchanging smiles and thinking back on the memories we were making with one another. As I glanced around the circle, I was able to identify that feeling that emerges in all of us every now and then that this - where we are right now and what we are doing - is right! It was the same feeling I felt after leaving Karlskrona. I am blessed that God keeps leading me into so many incredible groups of community and I am amazed at how quickly some communities form. As I head off to more and more countries this summer, I hope I can take a hint of that ability to ignite and sustain the communities that have impacted me so much - people are just too cool :)

To the impact makers

2010-06-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

There are some people that really make the difference.

There are the ones that you lean on, and the ones that you trust in.
The ones that push you, and the ones that pick you up.
The ones that know how to laugh, and the ones that know how to cry.

Words don't really have the ability to sum up some experiences, and as hard as we try, and as much as we'd like them to, they can't replace the magic of the moment.

There's been a lot of those moments for me over the last year, and it's hard to try and think of how to write something like this. But I owe it to those who have made an impact and been there, to translate to emotions to words as best as I can.

When arriving in Sweden a few months ago, I entered a place completely foreign to me. New foods, new sites. New thoughts, and new people.

Throughout the program, we learned a lot about a process called backcasting, where you envision your ideal future and then develop solutions based upon where you are today to reach that goal. Well it's fair to say that I wasn't backcasting all that much from any understanding of what the next year would fully entail for me when I arrived back in August. I walked in blind to the next 10 months and was eager to see how my life would be impacted.

Needless to say, there was an impact.

From those who impacted me through patience and determination.
I was blessed to be able to work with an incredible thesis team over the last few months, and without their help, would not have learned nearly as much as I have this year, both about sustainability and myself. Most importantly, I learned what it was like to work with other "spud personalities." My teammates were incredible when it came to dedicating time to really crank out our thesis and put in the research and writing needed to complete the paper. Being able to work with others who were so passionate and committed to a project was inspiring, and a critical learning point for knowing how others interact with me and my passions on projects. Thinking back on forming groups back in December, it's incredible how much we have bonded as a group and I can do nothing but smile to think of how the future will connect us on further projects! Thank you for the many long hours of thesis discussions interspersed with discussions on life - I can't imagine this year without both of you along the journey :)

From those who impacted me through conversations of meaning.
Over the last year, I was able to get into some really neat conversations with folks here in the program - a few people jump to mind and I'm pretty sure you know who you are. Many of the blog posts that spilled onto this site over the last few months have largely been in response to those conversations. There were conversations about pacifism, others about unconditional love, some about living a life of purpose, and others about putting faith into practice. I tend to look on my faith as an act of learning, following, challenging and growing - all four of those stages have truly flourished and I owe it to those willing to sit up late at night talking or stop their work for a moment to take a walk - your commitment has been unwavering. Thank you for listening and thank you for your sincerity.

From those who impacted me through tears of laughter and tears of sadness.
No year is complete without it's own set of hills and valleys, and this year was no different. Most specifically, I found myself living in a community unlike any others I've lived in before. Back in August, I remember meeting a whole array of people over a relatively short period of time, but there was something that happened which found five of us sticking closer together. We eventually found an incredible apartment for the five of us and I can easily say that many of my most memorable moments from this past year has come from those individuals. Throughout the year, we managed to do community cooking nearly every night, and each dinner lasted around 1.5 - 3 hours. During that time, we got to know one another and learned to recognize each others laugh. Lea was known for the simplest of things sending her off in quite hysterical laughing sets. Matt had an incredible ability to thoroughly enjoy other people's laughter, and often found himself sitting slightly away from the table to avoid Andrea's feet while laughing at the shenanagans unfolding. Wyeth was typically responsible for many of our laughs, whether it be by smashing his toe in a chair or constantly mishearing others, but he was always quick to join in on the laughter. And Andrea had an incredible silent laughter which often resulted in tears streaming down her face. I'll miss those dinners quite a lot, but I know that the impact each of you made on me will remain and that our paths will most definitely connect in the future. Here's to an incredible year and helping me define the term community!

As Club Zebra slowly dwindled down and I was left to lock the door one last time, a tear streamed down my face. It was a confused tear - part sadness, part happiness. Part built on memories of laughter, part built on memories of difficulty. A lot happened within those walls, and as I closed the door, a flood of memories washed by. It was one of those cleansing tears, and when it stops running down your cheek you're left with a drying wet stream and the feeling of closing another chapter in life. Although we sometimes avoid those types of tears and the memories and emotions associated with them, they are truly one of the most precious things I have ever experienced. I'll take those tears any day - as hard as I may try to hold them back :)

As planes start to set off and carry with them some of those impact-makers in my life, I am reminded of the true mystery of a world we live in. Just stop and think about the fact that we have the ability to live in a completely mysterious place for just under a year with fairly mysterious people and the next thing you know it, those mysterious people are off on their journey's once again impacting other people that you will most likely never meet.

Here's to the not-so-mysterious-anymore people in my life, I can't imagine life without you.

Never stop dreaming, never stop reaching. Never stop hoping and never stop loving. You have all expressed love beyond comprehension and will never fully understand the impact that these words scribbled here have tried to encompass. I typically try and finish my blog posts feeling assured that they got across the point that I was hoping for, but as I read back through this one, it still doesn't seem justice. But as feeble an attempt it is, I promise it is from the heart. As MercyMe states in one song...

Everybody hopes that maybe somewhere down this road
We'd finally find that place where we belong
A place where we're complete, not one that occupies our dreams
A place we're lucky to call our home

Thank you to everyone for helping me further sculpt that place that I am privileged, honored, and proud to call home! I love you all :)

I just can't wait...

2010-06-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

...to get back on the road again (well more like train tracks) so it's time to keep everyone posted on what I'm up to. Here's a quick itinerary that is still being formed, but hopefully it gives you a better idea of where I'll be and when.

June 10: Malmo, Sweden
June 11-14: Amsterdam, Netherlands
June 15: Luxembourg
June 16-17: Interlaken, Switzerland
June 18: Stuttgart, Germany
June 19-20: Berlin
June 21-22: Vienna, Austria
June 23: Rome, Italy
June 30: Venice, Italy
July 1-5: Paris, France
July 6-10: Southern France
July 11-18: Taize, France
July 19-21: Chinqueterra, Italy
July 31 - Aug 13: Istanbul, Turkey
Aug 14: Lancaster, USA

Throughout my trip, I will be talking with people along the way about sustainability and hopefully hearing a variety of perspectives, opinions and questions regarding the topic. The goal is to record and document these conversations and post them online to share with others. I've found that people are too often afraid to talk about issues they aren't fully knowledgeable of or comfortable with - I know I feel this way at times - but if we wait to talk about sustainability until we fully understand it, then we will most likely have missed our chance to capitalize on the urgent action needed to transform our society. My goal is to just spark some of those conversations, regardless of where they begin from.

I will be launching the website soon, along with a few other friends of mine who will be contributing to the project, and we'd love to hear your thoughts as well. Stay tuned for more information about it, until then, check out Curbside Conversations to get an idea of the larger purpose the trip will work towards.

Currently I'm in Malmo finalizing my visa for the summer (always an enjoyable experience) and then tonight I head off on the train towards Amsterdam where I will be arrive tomorrow morning. This upcoming weekend, I will be participating in an initiative called Oasis and working to revitalize and empower a local community in Amsterdam by helping them realize their own dreams. It should be an exciting opportunity and I can't wait for the opportunity to serve with others once again. I've realized that I miss moments like the Spring Break trips to Louisiana and helping at the orphanage in Tanzania, so my time in Amsterdam should be a perfect segway after finishing up my time in Sweden.

Well time to go pick up my visa and get this pack off of my back for a bit. Photography and videography is a blast - but someone should really invest in lightweight gear :) I hope to keep in touch with everyone this summer and do write comments on my posts with ideas or questions about what I'm up to, it always helps come up with future blog posts. Thanks for the support as always and hope to see many of you soon!

WYC and getting to Turkey

2010-05-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

So with the thesis (nearly) behind me, it's time to really start focusing on plans for this summer. There's a lot of things on my plate right now and I'm extremely excited for all of the possibilities ahead. I will be traveling throughout Europe and ending my travels in Istanbul, Turkey at the beginning of August. I've been selected as a delegate to the 5th World Youth Congress and will be meeting with and working alongside an incredible range of individuals - from passionate youth, to UN and governmental officials, and skilled professionals working in the development field. The Congress will be a fantastic blend of cultures from around the world and will be the perfect ending to a year of inspiration, learning and relationship-building.

Below is a quick video introducing the Congress. I am beginning to seek supporters who would be interested in supporting me to travel to the event as well. The Congress is generously covering all costs (from food, housing, and travel) during the conference time period, I just need to find funding to support my travel to and from Istanbul.

If you would be interested in supporting me on this journey, please get in touch through email and visit my support page. I would be quite excited to share my experience from the Congress with you in a way that is most beneficial to you as an individual or organization, and if you have any specific ideas I would be quite excited to hear how I could plug into other efforts.

Time to start planning for the summer!! (and most importantly how I can align which countries I will be in this summer according to when that country is playing in the world cup - it may be a summer of hanging out in the sports bars :) )

washing feet

2010-05-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a good friend of mine and stumbled across the story of Jesus washing his disciples' feet. It's a story I've heard many of times but there was one part that really stepped out at me when I reread it the other day.

Quick refresher on what's going on. Jesus is having dinner with the disciples and realizes there's not many days left. In the middle of dinner, Jesus gets up, grabs some water and a cloth, and starts washing all of the disciples' feet. At first, they try and stop him and say their Lord shouldn't be down on his knees cleaning off their dirt. Jesus quickly responds back saying that unless he is able to do this, he isn't their savior. It's a neat story showing Jesus serving everyone else and performing the jobs people consider lowly and unworthy.

The part that caught me recently though was back at the beginning of the chapter in the first verse.

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.

I had never made that connection. What Jesus considered to be the full extent of his love was not a romantic poem, not a brave act of chivalry, not the giving of some elaborate gift, but rather washing someone's dirty and smelly feet. It's as if all the speeches and parables Jesus explained, all the people he had met with over the last 30 some years were just baby steps, and then Jesus takes it to the final level and washes away some dirt on our feet as the full extent of his love.

What does that tell us about God and his understanding of love, unconditional and everlasting love?

If someone asked me to define love I doubt I would have given washing feet as an answer before. God has a way of doing that whole flip-things-on-their-head type of stuff and it's amazing how often I don't even pick up on it.

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the years about how you show love to those who don't act like they want love or don't reciprocate it back. A lot of us gravitate towards the easy type of love, the kind that is open to receiving it and through such an act, creates a happier environment for both individuals. Perhaps we gravitate at first to this kind of 'easy' love because it's the kind of love most similar to the kind portrayed throughout our society.

But perhaps it's not that the people I find harder to love (the uneasy kind of love) don't want to reciprocate love back to me or receive my love - perhaps it's that they are sick of the love the world is pushing on them. It's their way of saying that the definition for love that our society assigns doesn't cut it, there's something missing from the picture. They're looking for someone to wash their feet.

Maybe that's how we should put flesh to our faith - start washing some feet :)

where is spud...

are you happy?

2010-05-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing this post from a good friend of mine. I love simplicity :)

where is spud...

through love and in love

2010-05-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across the two films below earlier today which feature Dr.Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Holocaust and his belief that we must believe the best in others and cling unconditionally to love.

Dr. Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist that was deported to the Theresienstadt concentration camp in 1942. During his time in the camp, he was in charge of a suicide watch unit and used his skills to assist newcomers cope with their shock and grief as they entered the camp. In 1944, Dr. Frankl was moved to Aushwitz and later to Türkheim, during which time, his wife, mother and father were murdered in the camps. Soon after, Dr. Frankl was freed and fled back to Vienna.

Because of his position within the camps, Dr. Frankl worked with people who were utterly depressed and had all but given up on life, yet although he was subject to the same dehumanizing and belittling conditions, he was relentless in his belief in the human spirit and ability to find meaning even in times of suffering.

Perhaps it is best phrased by Dr. Frankl himself:

... We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbor's arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly: "If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don't know what is happening to us."

That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind. And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife. Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife's image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth -- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way—an honorable way—in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life I was able to understand the meaning of the words, "The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory...."(thanks to Wikipedia for all of this)

The salvation of man is through love and in love.

Love is one of those simple words that will forever instill a sense of awe, mystery, beauty and struggle within me. It is something I strive for, something that fills me, and something that provides purpose.

I often have a hard time understanding what it means for God to love unconditionally - independent of any actions or thoughts or desires I have, his love is constant. God's love towards us is described as an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3); in fact, God himself is love (1 John 4:16), they are one and the same. What an incredible day it will be when we begin to learn and understand what love is truly meant to be about. A love that is able to see the suffering surrounding a place as unloving as a concentration camp and still find purpose and beauty among those around us.

I have been blessed in my life and have yet to experience great suffering. I can't even imagine what an experience like Dr. Frankl's would be like and my heart aches to take some of that grief and pain from him. But I realize that I don't have that ability, and as much as I'd love to shoulder the pain and suffering for so many others, eventually I would fail and be unable to carry it myself. Perhaps I too often step in front of Jesus and try to play his role alone. As Christians, we are called to reflect Christ's light in the world, not to be our own battery-operated flashlight independent of him. I know I am guilty of sometimes feeling that God is able to recharge my batteries whenever I need it and then I can go out in the world with my flashlight wherever I need to. But Jesus isn't in the business of just recharging batteries - he wants to be our light source and our power source. Where in your life are you taking the light source away from Christ?

Sustainability and Community

2010-05-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well the thesis is officially sent and turned in! So much for updating everyone on the status of our US Thesis Tour over the last three weeks - turns out bouncing to a new city every two days is somewhat time-consuming, and my writing takes a backseat during such times.

After a long 16hr nap, I finally made it back to Sweden though where I have two weeks in Karlskrona before the European Summer Tour begins.

As the last few weeks have taken me from city to city, and I think about the many cities I'll be heading to over the next few months, I can't help but think about the people that define each one of those places. From the old friends that I was able to reconnect with to the new friends I've made over the last few months, this year has been one of true relationship-building.

Reflecting on this during my trip back to Sweden, I was wondering why sustainability for me has suddenly taken on a new level compared to years before. At Penn State, I was involved with many sustainability projects, and as exciting as they all were, they were still simply a series of global challenges that I had the privelege to tackle. Now don't get me wrong - I'm all for trying to solve massive problems like those - but it was the challenge and uniqueness of the problem that primarily motivated me.

This year, I've added a third motivator - community.

As my master's program in Sweden comes to an end and I begin to understand the true power and beauty I've experienced, I continually come back to the idea of community. Community, built of all sorts of relationships and bonds, is a force that I believe is only just beginning to be tapped by the sustainability movement.

Looking at the past few years, we can begin to see a shift in how sustainability challenges are tackled:
- We have begun to move away from boycotting (with the attempt to separate the good guys from the bad guys) to collaboration (like Walmart's attempt to work alongside all retailers and suppliers to address the sustainability supply chain problem).
- Communications have changed from pushing information to the public (which separates the knowledgeable from the unknowing) to campaigns designed to unite groups and various ways of communicating sustainability (like the efforts which took place with the 350 campaign).
- The way in which companies have marketed their products has followed a similar pattern where once greenwashing was extremely prevalent to now where transparency is beginning to be stressed through the use of social and networked media.

We are beginning to see how the power of community and relying on others is critical to adequately address the challenge and uniqueness of sustainability. But I believe there is much more to be learned.

Community has always been a critical element when I think on my personal and spiritual life, but I have only just begun to realize it's importance in the work that I do.

At Penn State, I was involved with a variety of things. There was my traditional mechanical engineering education. There was the Jamaica project which more closely fulfilled what I ultimately wanted to do in the future. And there were the faith-based groups I helped start that formed the core community which surrounded me. For the most part, those three areas stayed separate.

My master's program thought it would be a good idea to merge all of those together, which was a much bigger shock then I realized. But now, after understanding how those various areas of life fit together, I'm beginning to see why developing and fostering a strong sense of community is the glue that keeps the puzzle pieces together as one picture.

During my trip back to the US these last few weeks, I was able to reconnect with a bunch of friends from over the years, and it was amazing how many of the conversations ended back on building communities. As someone who deeply cares about the state of the world and problems we face as a society, I can't help but think occasionally about the urgency of the problem. My thesis was focused largely on the role of individual behavior change and how our personal decisions can lead to broader cultural change - but if we want to truly maximize the role of the individual, then we need to understand how to grow the communities to support those individuals.

One exciting organization working on similar ideas is Global Action Plan (GAP) who "focus on people and how they can take practical action in their everyday lives for a better world." (more here) One of their programs, EcoTeams, forms communities of individuals (neighbors, coworkers and friends) who work through practical environmental issues together to improve their way of life.

Personally, I believe the sustainability movement has a lot to learn from the church when it comes to community building. The church has historically been extremely powerful and successful at fostering communities to serve a larger purpose (although perhaps some of those purposes are not always for the best or what I believe Christ would instruct us to do). Many churches I have been a part of rely heavily on small groups, life groups or bible studies to work through personal questions of faith together.

While at Penn State, it was those communities that really helped me grow and work through who Christ was calling me to be. My time in Sweden has shown me that the same sense of community has helped me grow and wrestle with the difficult questions of sustainability.

Perhaps the way to face the urgency of sustainability challenges is to foster thriving communities, both in the work that we do and the personal relationships we develop each and every day.

Flying over an active volcano: check

2010-04-21T05:36:00.001-07:00

The sign of an exciting trip is when the first few hours start out completely different than how you had planned for them to go. And if that’s any sign, then this upcoming trip to the US will be sure to impress.

Original plan:

- Monday 3:20pm – Present thesis in Karlskrona

- Tuesday 6:38am – Catch train from Karlskrona

- Tuesday 12:20pm – Fly out of Copenhagen to Boston

- Tuesday 6:30pm –Arrive in Boston

New plan:

- Some time before Monday – Mr. Volcano decides to wake up

- Monday 2:00pm – Spud finds out that we are no longer flying out of Copenhagen, and instead need to be at the Copenhagen airport in 6 hours (which in those 6 hours I still need to present a thesis and ride 4 hours by train) to catch a bus to Oslo (which for non-Scandinaivians, that’s not exactly next door)

- Monday 2:20pm – Our thesis group manages to convince other groups to shift times and we present an hour early (who needs all that time to practice anyway)

- Monday 3:00pm – Spud rushes by bike and rides from the school to his apartment to quickly get packed and rush to catch the 3:38pm train

- Monday 3:38pm – Spud miraculously catches the train with 15 sec to spare

- Monday 3:38pm (10 sec later) – Spud realizes he forget his passport – Quick! Jump off the train!

- Monday 4:48pm – Spud is back on the train with passport in hand and on his way to Copenhagen to see what adventure comes next, thankfully Rebecca is an hour ahead of him to take care of all the booking details

- Monday 8:00pm – Spud meets Rebecca at Copenhagen airport

- Monday 10:00pm – Spud and Rebecca board a bus headed to Oslo

- Tuesday 6:30pm – Spud and Rebecca arrive at Oslo airport and manage to get first in line in the queue to get our flight tickets

- Tuesday 6:31pm – Airport employees inform us that security doesn’t show up until 9:30 and if we want to keep our spot, we’d have to sit there for 3 hours – that’s not going to happen so we head to the lounge and do a bit more waiting.

- Tuesday 12:30pm – We board the plane – success

- Tuesday 2:30pm – After a minor wait on the runway waiting for all the luggage to get loaded, we finally take off. And, as Spud’s luck may have it – on a packed flight in which tons of people were trying to get back home to the US, Spud and Lora managed to get four seats in a row all to themselves, oh silly people who pay for first class…

- Tuesday 5:00pm – After taking quite the long journey north to get away from the ash cloud, we assumed we would be able to steer clear of the volcano. Little did we know that the pilots had a completely different plan in mind – instead, why don’t we just fly straight over Iceland and the volcano, sure, great idea! Now normally it would be a problem that we were in the center of the plane because we have no access to windows, but SAS decided to one up other airlines by installing a camera directly beneath the plane in which you can watch from your seat (I hope whoever came up with that idea got a raise). So although we didn’t see the volcano itself (I imagine we were a few miles from it), we did get to see the terrain beneath us covered in ash as we approached the island. I’ve got to say that that was one of the cooler things I’ve ever done, who would have guessed we would be flying directly over an active (and erupting) volcano, that’s one to remember :)

- Tuesday 10:00pm – Finally make it to a bed!

So that’s a rough idea of how day 1 is going – another 22 to go J For those of you slightly out of the loop on the latest happenings in Spud world (which I blame on myself) – Rebecca (my thesis teammate) and I will be traveling to the US for 3 weeks to meet with a variety of individuals to discuss our thesis and present on communicating for behavior change towards sustainability. On April 23^rd we will be at MIT running a workshop at the Sustainability Summit alongside some really inspiring and exciting individuals, we’re really looking forward to meeting more individuals passionate about creating the necessary change needed over the next few years and who have a wide variety of skills to offer. After Boston, we will be hanging out in NYC for a few days, followed by Lancaster, then DC, and finally up to State College (while Rebecca heads off to St. Louis).

Over the next few weeks I’ll be sure to keep this blog updated so everyone is filled in the loop. Here’s to an exciting journey (and hoping that no more volcanoes go off in the next few weeks).

today's in-between

2010-04-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I sat in bed late at night with thoughts on my heart that I felt the need to translate to paper (or computer in this case). I wasn't entirely sure what all those thoughts were and it took some sparks of inspiration from other bloggers to get at what I was feeling.

Today, after writing that post last night, I stumbled across a group that parallels those thoughts precisely. It was as if God was drawing and easing those thoughts out of me last night to prepare me to discover a new group and idea (got to love it when that happens).

FOUR YEARS. GO. is a new campaign that recently started up to mobilize individuals around the world to engage in change and make the necessary transition to begin to turn our society towards a sustainable future. I highly encourage you to watch the video below (especially the last 5 minutes or so) as it does a great job explaining the purpose of the campaign and the crossroads we are currently at. As a global society, we are currently at a Holy Saturday (see the previous post for context). Al Gore writes in his newest book,

"the choice is awesome, and potentially eternal...a choice to be mourned or celebrated...a choice that requires courage, commitment, transformation and love."

During the easter holiday, that in-between day is often ignored or quickly skipped by without any understanding of why it stands in between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. And this does not just hold for easter holiday, Lynne Twist explains a similar situation for the Rennaisance. We often think about the Rennaisance or the Dark Ages, but how much time have we given thought to the quick time in between that was responsible for transitioning into a completely new society.

If we only began to understand the significant importance of that in-between period...

But that is exactly where we are today, will we step up and learn to appreciate Holy Saturday for what it is and where it falls in this grander holiday season. Let us take on that call to action and create the transformation needed for the generations to follow. Go join FOUR YEARS. GO. and share your next steps...

Lynne Twist presents FOUR YEARS. GO.

FOUR YEARS. GO. promo video

don't forget the in-between

2010-04-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

I was reading a pastor of mine's blog this afternoon and he was talking about the role of the saturday between good friday and easter sunday. It's a day we don't give much thinking to during this holiday season - it's either a break between the busy days or just another 24 hours to pass by before getting to the important stuff. But what if we looked at this saturday with a little more importance. Dan writes...

Saturday is the lonely day of the Easter weekend. Good Friday has a purpose — we remember the death of Jesus. Easter Sunday has a purpose — we celebrate the resurrection hope of Jesus. What do we do in the in-between? The in-between is that season between betrayal and hope. It is the season of doubt, the season where we have been hit by the hurt of Friday but we don’t know if Sunday is coming.

Saturday is the season of choosing. It is the season where we will choose to hang on to Good Friday hurts or belly flop into Easter Hope.

Yeah I chose the words belly flop for a reason. If you really want to experience Easter hope you have to let go and dive in — but if you dive in, it’s going to leave a mark. Belly Flop into Easter.

I wonder how often we forget to recognize the importance of those 'choosing moments' in our life. I know I for one am guilty of focusing on the points of purpose in life; the times which 'define' me and teach me something to better my life and the lives of others. But perhaps by focusing solely on the days of purpose (as we define as purposeful) we are missing out on the other days that god has specifically planned to be a part of the larger ride called life.

Would the Easter story really be any different if it had been prophesied and happened that Christ rose the following day? Perhaps there was a purpose for that in-between day that we were unaware of?

The in-between day, often referred to as Holy Saturday, is often described as a time of silence and suspense. It is bookended by two completely different feelings and emotions. Joan Chittister describes it this way...

Holy Saturday faith is not about counting our blessings; it is about dealing with darkness and growing in hope. Without the Holy Saturdays of life, none of us may ever really grow up spiritually…Today, alone and bereft, we come face-to-face with the question we try so hard to avoid the rest of the year: how do we deal with the God of darkness as well as the Giver of light? Have we been abandoned? Are we left on our own in this world? Is there nothing else?

We live in a world where we like black and white answers, darkness and light, despair and hope. But in order to get from one peak to another, we need to recognize the importance of that transition period and wrestle with the messy questions we often like to avoid. May we learn to recognize the Holy Saturdays of life more easily and take the time to reflect in silence on the necessary transitions in life.

walk in love

2010-03-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

There's some people in your life that have an impact on you that doesn't fully hit until years later, and you find yourself sitting awake in the middle of the night with an unintended mixture of emotions as if all the crayons in your crayon box have been mixed into one giant crayon - and it produces a single messy color that you're just not quite sure how to react to.

In 9th grade I had a science teacher who changed my life more than any other person I have met. He was a man of purpose and quick to shine love into the lives of the numerous students that walked in and out of his door each day. He was unashamed and steadfast in his dedication to love, and would have put his life on the line for any one of his students. Unexpectedly, however, a terminal disease abruptly took his life one day and I found myself suddenly digesting the weight of the situation. Three years later, and I'm still digging through the impact he buried into each one of us. I guess that's what happens when you target someone's heart each and every day; when your message finally sticks, it sticks deep.

I have a sticker on the back of my computer that simply states: walk in love. Every day when I open and close my screen, I look at those three words and push myself to follow in Mr. Way's footsteps, to walk in pure and sincere love for all those we interact with each day. I wish I had a fraction of the courage to stand up for love in the way Mr. Way did. It's only now that I'm beginning to realize how truly beautiful his purpose was in and for all of our lives.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and writing in the past few weeks trying to really sum up my life's purpose and what I feel called to in the future. Many of my unpublished blog posts include lists of semi-random words thrown together to attempt to define that purpose. But tonight, as I was reading through a past letter from Mr. Way, that purpose jumped out at me from off the page. All I can do is add three simple words to the end of it...

~ live a life full of joy
~ live a life full of love
~ live a life full of hope
~ live a life full of inner and outer peace
~ live a life of character and integrity
~ live a life that is a strong, positive example for others
~ live a life that makes a difference to others

~ walk in love

This song is for you Mr. Way, I miss you and can't wait until the day I see you again...

Getting off the bike

2010-03-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

When I got back from christmas break back in January, I returned to find that my bike had been borrowed by some unknown individual (ok, yeah, I guess it was stolen). I didn't worry too much because the MSLS bike co-op had a few extras that I got get. After a week or so of riding the bus (and getting sick of paying 20 kronor each way) I finally grabbed a bike from the co-op. Things seemed to be pretty good until the last little bit of my journey home when the chain decided it no longer wanted to stay on the gears. From there it went down hill and soon the bike was making some odd clicking noise and randomly deciding to jam the pedals. So I walked that one back and the following day I got another bike from the co-op and attempted to ride that one home. Sadly, that one didn't make it much longer and decided to skip as I pedaled, not the most fun when trying to bike uphill.

I soon began stock-piling bikes in our apartment's front lobby (I'm sure the roommates loved that one) and went back to the bus. But the wallet once again didn't care for that and I eventually found myself walking back and forth to school (a 30 minute walk back and forth). God was really trying to tell me something I guess. Ever since I've started walking, I've been able to clear my head so much easier and life has felt so much more richer.

It's amazing how determined we are sometimes to make things go the way we wanted - often oblivious to the solutions that would truly benefit us and those around us.

I was listening to a song tonight by Phil Wickham called "Divine Romance." Phil is one of those guys that, once you see him sing live, the songs take on a completely new meaning. He has the ability to make an audience feel so incredibly happy as they sing along. The lyrics of this song are fairly simple, but really resonating with me and the walks I've been having recently.

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

What makes you completely satisfied? What are the moments where you just can't contain it and start singing out loud and dancing for all those on the street to see? I used to think those moments only occurred when life was completely in line and god started answering some of those pressing questions on your heart - when you started to see those answers being realized. But rather, I'm learning that that satisfaction comes from knowing you are heading in the same direction as that which god is leading you. By getting off the bike, and walking with my own two feet, I've been able to experience that presence much more clearly than ever before.

Looking back on decisions I've made, I wonder how many of those moments were on the bike or on my feet...

Perhaps the bike sometimes gets in our way of showing our love. We focus so much on trying to get somewhere, that we forget to stop and rejoice in what has been given to us. I have been extremely blessed this year and am forever thankful for the relationships and bonds I have made with individuals from around the world - I only wish I knew how to show a fraction of that love I have experienced.

Thinking through this has lead me to 1 Corinthians 13 - one of those passages that is such a comfort (and challenge) to return to.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love is patient - I have been learning a lot about this one recently, and I find it a continual struggle to be entirely patient with some of my thoughts and feelings. I tend to get passionate over things quite easily - which I thoroughly enjoy :) But it has the ability to impact my patience and lead me to overlook the slower things that take time to fully comprehend. I came across the following two quotes that really spoke to me:
"Patience is passion tamed." - Lyman Abbott
I was reading somewhere that the reward of learning to be patient, is patience. Perhaps I sometimes wish for a more visible outcome from this type of love.

Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres - Trusting is tough. The hope part I think I'm getting down, but there seems to be that little voice inside me that tries to instill a voice of doubt and uncertainty in others, causing me to not fully trust. This has always been an issue for me when working on projects. I enjoy what I do too much, and have no problem (at least I like to tell myself that) with working long hours on projects that resonate with me. But for a long time, I didn't fully trust others to take an equal part in that work, and throughout my time at Penn State would often try to do much of the projects myself. This past year has been an excellent opportunity to quiet that voice inside me and learn to trust those around me. It makes it easier when I am surrounded by passionate and skilled individuals, but it's starting to rub off in other parts of my life as well.

LCBC had a sermon recently touching on this and explained that specifically in relationships (although I'm sure it applies to all other parts of our lives), there is always a gap between what we expect from someone and how they actually act. And the difference between happy and unhappy individuals is not the size of that gap or whether one exists, rather it is how we choose to handle the gap. Do we make the conscious decision to assume the worst in others or believe in the best? Believing in the best in others, even when everything inside of us tells us the opposite, tells those around us that we believe in them, we trust them. And showing that level of trust has the ability to narrow the gap between expectations and actions.

How are you showing your love?

Engaging Action!

2010-03-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

Boo for not updating this blog in a few weeks - I'll get better, promise. However I wasn't entirely unproductive during my writing break, I've been working on my thesis research and we just launched our website last night!! Check it out and if you or someone you know are interested in our project, please get in touch with us!

www.engagingaction.com

Selling the apartment (kind of)

2010-02-12T17:29:00.000-08:00

So it would be fair to say that we don't live in the most decorated of places here in Sweden. As any other student, we thrive on very little, and have really had no problems with or questioned that lifestyle for the past six months.

However, one's perspective quickly changes when their landlord suddenly knocks on your door one afternoon asking to show your apartment to a few future renters. Surprise...

So, let me paint the picture for you as to what these potential renters experienced as they walked through our lovely home. To start, when you enter through the main door, you pass by a poster describing the Halloween party that is going to take place tonight (granted that 'tonight' refers to four months ago after never taking down our Halloween decorations). You are then greeted by dozens of wet shoes scattered across a pile of torn and filthy newspaper (to protect the floors of course). Half of the doorway is blocked by two bikes which don't currently run and the other half of the doorway has a massive (and quite hideous) couch in front of it.

As you walk through the hallway, you pass by a series of bookshelves with fabric stretched between them and the ceiling (that would be my bedroom). As you pass through the double doors, you enter the main living room of the apartment, complete with leather sofas, high ceilings ordained with fancy molding...and a bunch of half-deflated zebra-patterned balloons and business cards strung from the ceiling. Ok, maybe not overly classy. Ignoring the sheets hanging on the walls which double as projection screens and the half of a ladder which we pulled from a dumpster stored away in the corner, you then walk into Matt's and Wyeth's room. A couple of cheap plastic shower curtains hung down the center separate the room into two as clothes are gracefully scattered across the ground.

Squeezing through the clutter, you then exit Matt's door and find yourselves standing outside of Andrea's door. Considering it was noon, the landlord was slightly shocked when she opened the door and found Andrea peacefully sleeping on her airmattress on the ground. Andrea, quickly jumping out of bed in her pajamas, then finds herself awkwardly standing in the middle of the room as the couple decide to open all of her closets and check out each inch of her room.

From there, they head over to the bathroom where they are thoroughly impressed (as if the rest of the apartment hadn't done that already for them). Fortunately, I had remembered to grab my underwear which I usually leave hanging on the window sill accidentally. After the bathroom, they walk over to our kitchen where, fortunately, we had just cleaned the pile of dishes that morning. Yet, we still managed to include our touch of charm to the kitchen, including the cardboard we cut in the shape of a snowman and taped inside our lampshade, a Happy Birthday napkin we cut into four and taped onto the wall for decoration, and a golden crown and thong with a pattern of the London tube map on it hanging proudly on our coat racks. Classy :)

After the kitchen, they check out Lea's room who was the most normal and clean compared to all the others (perhaps not that big of an accomplishment) and then on to my room (or to be more precise, the hallway with a bookshelves doubling as a wall). Now, let's just say that I'm not known for my tidiness, and my room was certainly attesting to that. The underwear that I had remembered to remove from the bathroom seemed to have multiplied in my room while trying to hang off any object or bookshelf in the tiny 10'x10' room. Not to let the underwear win, all my other clothes seemed to be competing for my floor's attention, forming a magnificent pile stretching from the floor up onto the bookshelf. I had removed the bathroom door in my room and flipped it sideways to use as a headboard for my bed. The bed itself entirely blocks the bathroom so you have to crawl over it. Inside the bathroom, wet jeans are hanging from the window and a toilet paper roll is taped to the wall to function as my toothbrush holder.

After exiting my room, they head back out into the main room (although if they wanted, they could have slipped out the secret door I installed beside my bookshelf to get to the front door) and walk back past the dead plants on the window sills and random kilt hanging from the wall. Nothing like a kilt and dead plants to sell someone on renting your apartment!!

Two hours later, the maintenance man came by to fix our broken dishwasher, and with him, he carried a handwritten note explaining that our landlord would be showing the apartment again next week...hint, hint. I guess student living is not quite the same as a model show room.

On another note, this afternoon, we found out that we have been chosen as finalists for a competition for Staples and International Paper to develop a sustainability plan for increasing paper recycling and reuse programs. So over the next few months we will be working alongside these two companies to develop a business and design plan to be implemented. We're quite excited about this opportunity and look forward to working alongside this industry to apply the frameworks and methods we have learned here in Sweden to the competition. Club Zebra Consulting, here we come...

Snow and Ice

2010-01-30T16:26:00.000-08:00

I'm quickly learning about myself that I am most efficient when I have the most to do - strange, but I find that if I only have one project on my plate I often get easily distracted and take longer getting it done. This semester therefore was a challenge because all we have to do is a thesis, no class and no other assignments to complete. As a result, I'm starting to find some other projects to help work on which have provided a much needed boost to my productivity recently. One of those projects is a competition that our apartment has entered together to address sustainability within the paper recovery industry. It is hosted by Staples and International Paper and I am excited to apply much of what we've learned here to another real-world example.

As a break to the projects and thesis thinking, this afternoon a bunch of us from the program went cross country skiing at a groomed trail about 30 minutes outside of Karlskrona. Karlskrona has actually had more snow this year then the past 15 years so there was plenty of powder in the trails (something that we only dream about in skiing on at Roundtop back home).

Having only ever cross country skiied in my backyard on an ancient set of skiis, this was a big step up. We were at it for quite a few hours and had a blast trying to keep pace with the locals (which we quickly realized was not going to happen). The place had about 10 different trails all ranked with different difficulty levels much like alpine skiing back home.

It was also an excuse for me to finally use the camelback that I had brought with me for some reason. Excited to try it out, I strapped it onto my back and as I started off on the first trail, I bit down on the end expecting water to rush through the tube. Instead, I nearly cracked my teeth as it felt as if I were biting down onto rock. Turns out it's cold in Sweden, and water turns to ice fairly quicly. Lesson learned. The numerous falls that then proceeded also helped coat a layer of ice all over my jacket, which clearly identified me as anything but experienced when it comes to cross country skiing. Regardless, we had a great time and were glad to find ourselves outside of the city center for once.

With legs that are quite sore, I'm now ready to get back into the swing of thesis. We're working on finding more effective ways at communicating sustainability to the general public. We're actually pretty excited because we've found some neat theories that we're combining to address this issue, and our goal is to produce a tool or guidebook which media producers and consultants can use in their work. We've also just decided to attend a conference in Turkey this summer where we are planning on presenting our research and findings. So there's some interesting stuff ahead of us.

Oh, and the other exciting thing is that I walked out on the Baltic yesterday. In addition to freezing the water in my camelback, the Baltic has also froze and you can now walk out on it. We went out because we thought we saw other folks out there, but after getting out there we realized we were the only ones. For the most part it was solid ice, except for the tiny part in the beginning that started to slightly crack around our feet and left a foot imprint slightly filled with water. We quickly walked past that whole part and got to the more solid ice in the center. It was such a neat feeling and view to see downtown Karlskrona from the water - definitely one of the cooler experiences in Sweden so far. (and yes, there was snow angel making involved - perhaps my decision to just fall over backyards onto the ice/snow wasn't the best idea to make the angel - fortunately the ice held, ha)

Whirlwinds

2010-01-23T12:37:00.001-08:00

I love watching the whirlwinds around me. Often, I find myself sitting with my back up against a wall and watching the world spin by in countless directions. Perhaps I do this as a reminder to myself - that my own personal whirlwind is not all that makes this planet spin.

This latest stage of life has been a true blessing and an adventure I would never have traded. I have criss-crossed the globe and throughout these years, have built and solidified friendships spanning from the foothills of Mt. Meru, to the towering waterfalls of Kakadu, to the snowy shores of Karlskrona. And amidst all of these, my bonds to those back home has never been stronger.

At times I question God's fairness, for my family and I have had life pretty good. We've had our ups and downs as any family does, but all-in-all, I don't have many complaints. I sometimes wonder how God chooses who is born to who. And as I continue to ask this question, the answer that I seem to be given over and over is that those things that I once thought were rewards, gifts and rights, are in fact, responsibilities. Education, wealth and freedoms are not given to me to help develop my own character and future, but rather, to serve those around me.

Over the past week, the world has been inundated with images and stories of those in Haiti who are facing struggles unimaginable to many of us watching and listening back home. We sit in our comfortable couches and beds watching images flash by us on the TV and computer and feel an overpowering sense of numbness. Sometimes I try to wipe that numbness away and think of other thoughts, but this time, with the situation in Haiti, the numbness doesn't seem to disappear.

This year I've been working on obtaining a master's degree in sustainability, and it's been fascinating to study the way the world ticks and in what ways we humans have an impact on this planet. That whole responsibility thing is starting to kick in. And sometimes it saddens me, sometimes it inspires me, but much of the time I am left realizing just how big the situation ahead of us is. And this doesn't intimidate me all that much, if anything it gets me more excited, but there are moments where the weight of what's happening seems to be resting entirely on my shoulders.

I think Haiti brought that weight to many of our shoulders.

And as devastating and heart-wrenching as the whole situation has been, it has also been incredible to see the support from around the world. And I've been re-inspired by how much humans do care. People seem to quickly see how their gifts, what could easily be viewed as their hard-earned rewards, are more importantly a responsibility.

A responsibility to love our neighbors.

This whole idea of loving our neighbors has also been challenging me a lot this year, and what it means if we truly want to follow Jesus' teachings. The more I read and re-read, the more I'm finding that Jesus didn't say many things from a comfortable couch watching the problems of the world pass him by through a screen. Jesus was dirty, he seemed to have a knack for getting in the middle of things and flipping the traditional views upside down.

Jesus' teachings are more messy and chaotic then the images I remember from my childhood. Perhaps that's why I find myself so often watching the whirlwinds spin around me - because that's where we tend to find Jesus most frequently.

So as I start to dive deeper into what Jesus calls us to be, I'm hoping to better understand his call to peace, to grace, to forgiveness, to humbleness. And hopefully, those terms that are too often abstract, become flesh in my life.

I have seen...

2010-01-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

God only knows how many disasters will strike again,
Or the tears that fall around the world tonight, together in unison.
For we are one family, silently weeping for our brothers and sisters.

God only knows the last prayers of those left buried,
Or the inner agonies tearing apart at so many tonight.
For we are one family, with mixed, and at times, no feeling.

God only knows how tragedies strengthen and bond us,
Or the final picture that tonight, looks like merely broken pillars.
For we are one family, unsure what move to take next.

But I know that we are more than just an earthquake,
And the collective human spirit is not easily shattered.

What may shake the earth and bring buildings and humans to their knees,
Has no final weight over this family.

For I have seen an outpouring of love like no other,
And generous hearts giving freely and tirelessly.

I have seen differences cast aside,
And meetings placed on hold.

I have seen airspace restrictions removed,
And neighbors helping neighbors.

In support of one another,
I have seen the tired give up sleep,
And the hungry give up food -
All for the sake of another.

No longer are we seperated by geographical boundaries,
For we are bonded through a common yearning to see our family reunited and restored.

The tears will continue to fall,
And the questions will continue to be asked.
But the heart will only go stronger -
For it is through tragedy that our global heart is bonded between neighbors.

A Fighting Hope

2010-01-14T12:26:00.000-08:00

There's been a bunch of thoughts on my mind recently. Between the constant news and personal decisions, it seems like I've been swimming pretty fast recently. But every now and then you slow down and get a chance to digest what's around you and where you're going.

A combination of things (from the sad situation in Haiti to a book called The Irresistible Revolution to watching the Passion) have created a whole collections of thoughts, and my hope is to better understand them and future thoughts over the next few months (both through this blog and personally). So, it may be a motley mixture of posts that turn up (which may not seem like they have any direction at all), but each little bit is helpful.

I can't answer why tragedies happen.
And I can't change the past like I hope to change the future.
But I do know this.

That there is hope that is fighting for us more than anything I've ever encountered.
It is constantly poking it's head into my life
Yet I am still at fault for frequently forgetting,

For at times I wish I could simply settle problems on my own,
According to my own time,
And my own ways.
For I am unable to consistently comprehend the patient way
The different way.

A way that works through the meek and the humble
The poor and powerless.
One which is dependent on neither money nor resources
Time nor strength.

And every now and then,
When that hope peaks into my life and I happen to take notice,
I stop and remember -

Remember the story of how that hope fought and died and won.
How that hope has changed me from the inside out,
A hope which continues to lead to tomorrow,
Regardless of how history has portrayed it or men have defended it.

Sometimes it's hard to look at today and envision tomorrow,
A today where the hope seems to be hidden in the rubble,
Buried directly beneath us,
Yet we can't do anything about it.

But that can't stop us, that can't stop me.
Because I believe that way and that hope are worth fighting for.
As much as they fought for us.

the sun still rises

2009-12-19T16:35:00.000-08:00

Well the two weeks are up and sadly, we are left with little to show for after tireless hours of negotiations in Copenhagen. After months of political rallies around the globe and countless prayers from Christian to Muslim to Jew, our society is left with the reality that this fight must continue. There is plenty of commentary on why things weren't accomplished and what needs to happen next. It's easy to feel that we didn't do all that we could. It's easy to think that there just might not be hope for this matter. It's easy to think that we don't have the courage to act for what is neccesary.

But then I flip through these pictures, and am inspired once again. I listen to Desmond Tutu and have faith in our leaders once again. I remember the plea of those from years past and once again realize that with enough action, we will eventually come to an agreement.

We have the ability to come together. We have the ability to make a difference for those who will come after us. We have the ability to change the norm and strive for something better.

Copenhagen is not, and never was, the end of this long walk. Rather, it demonstrated the skill and necessity that such an agreement requires. I have hope for such an agreement. Perhaps not today, but one day, for the sun will still rise tomorrow.

Bill McKibben sums it up pretty well, it's time to get back to the office and mobilize this global society once again.

No time for tears in Copenhagen
- Bill McKibben

I’ve spent the last few years working more than fulltime to organize the first big global grassroots climate change campaign. That’s meant shutting off my emotions most of the time—this crisis is so terrifying that when you let yourself feel too deeply it can be paralyzing. Hence, much gallows humor, irony, and sheer work.

This afternoon I sobbed for an hour, and I’m still choking a little. I got to Copenhagen’s main Lutheran Cathedral just before the start of a special service designed to mark the conference underway for the next week. It was jammed, but I squeezed into a chair near the corner. The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, gave the sermon; Desmond Tutu read the Psalm. Both were wonderful.

But my tears started before anyone said a word. As the service started dozens of choristers from around the world carried three things down the aisle and to the altar: pieces of dead coral bleached by hot ocean temperatures; stones uncovered by retreating glaciers; and small, shriveled ears of corn from drought-stricken parts of Africa.

As I watched them go by, all I could think of was the people I’ve met in the last couple of years traveling the world: the people living in the valleys where those glaciers are disappearing, and the people downstream who have no backup plan for where their water is going to come from. The people who live on the islands surrounded by that coral, who depend on the reefs for the fish they eat, and to protect their homes from the waves. And the people, on every corner of the world, dealing with drought and flood, already unable to earn their daily bread in the places where their ancestors farmed for generations.

Those damned shriveled ears of corn. I’ve done everything I can think of, and millions of people around the world have joined us at 350.org in the most international campaign there ever was. But I just sat there thinking: it’s not enough. We didn’t do enough. I should have started earlier.

People are dying already. People are sitting tonight in their small homes trying to figure out how they’re going to make the maize meal they have stretch far enough to fill the tummies of the kids sitting there waiting for dinner. And that’s with 390 parts per million CO2 in the atmosphere. The latest numbers from the computer jockeys at Climate Interactive - A collaboration of Sustainability Institute, Sloan School of Management at MIT, and Ventana Systems, indicate that if all the national plans now on the table were adopted the planet in 2100 would have an atmosphere with 770 parts per million CO2. What then for coral, for glaciers, for corn? I didn’t do enough.

I cried all the harder a few minutes later when the great cathedral bell began slowly tolling 350 times. At the same moment, thousands of churches across Europe began ringing their bells the same 350 times. And in other parts of the world—from the bottom of New Zealand to the top of Greenland, Christendom sounded the alarm. And not just Christendom. In New York rabbis were blowing the shofar 350 times. We had pictures rolling in from the weekend’s vigil, from places like Dhahran in Saudi Arabia, where girls in burkas were forming human 350s, and from Bahrain, and from Amman.

And these tears were now sweet as well as bitter—at the thought that all over the world (not metaphorically all over the world, but literally all over the world) people had proven themselves this year. Proven their ability to understand the science and the stakes. Proven their ability to come together on their own—in October, when we organized what CNN called “the most widespread day of political action in the planet’s history,” there wasn’t a movie star or rock idol in sight—just people rallying around a scientific data point. Now the world’s religious leaders were adding their voice.

On one side: scientists. And archbishops, Nobelists, and most of all ordinary people in ordinary places. Reason and faith. On the other side, power—the kind of power that will be assembling in the Bella Center all week to hammer out some kind of agreement. The kind of power, exemplified by the American delegation, that so far has decided it’s not worth making the kind of leap that the science demands. The kind of power that’s willing to do what’s politically pretty easy, but not what’s necessary. The kind that would condemn the planet to 770 ppm rather than take the hard steps we need.

So no more tears. Not now, not while there’s work to be done. Pass the Diet Coke, fire up the laptop, grab the cellphone. To work. We may not have done enough, but we’re going to do all we can.

Climate Scoreboard

2009-12-09T16:39:00.001-08:00

Here is an up-to-date analysis of how current proposals at Copenhagen are affecting global temperatures in 2100.

Presentations at Copenhagen

2009-12-03T02:21:00.000-08:00

In a week, our MSLS class will be presenting some of our work from the previous weeks at a seminar at the World Trade Center in Malmo, Sweden (a 20 min train ride from Copenhagen). The seminar will take place during the Copenhagen discussions. I have been working on a project in collaboration with iCeL looking at the long-term carbon, energy, and finanical savings from intelligent energy storage technology.

After the conference, we will be heading into Copenhagen to check out the events happening during the two weeks. One in particular we will be visiting is Bright Green. If you hear of any other exciting things happening that weekend, let me know. Or if you won't have the chance to get out there and would like me to check something out for you, send me a message.

Lost Generation

2009-12-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

How to Deal with Carbon...

2009-12-01T15:25:00.000-08:00

With the climate change talks coming up soon, I thought I'd post some information related to methods of dealing with carbon emissions. The two words that we often hear thrown around are cap-and-trade and carbon tax.

Although these sound very similar, they have some important differences. According to most analysts, cap and trade has a few loopholes in which heavy polluters may actually benefit from the scheme and actually cause increases in carbon emissions.

According to economist John Kay:
"When [a market] is created through political action, rather than emerging spontaneously, business will seek to influence its design for commercial advantage,"

This is why many are in favor of a carbon tax, which would hopefully provide a fairer and stricter method for limiting carbon emissions. In addition, funds collected from the tax can be used for additional carbon offset projects around the world.

New York mayor Michael Bloomberg states:
"A direct charge [carbon tax] would eliminate the uncertainty that companies would face in a cap-and-trade system. It would be easier to implement and enforce, it would prevent special interests from opening up loopholes,"

As mentioned in an early post, Sweden has already adopted a carbon tax since 1991. It has proven financially and environmentally successful and has helped spur innovation, particularly in the field of biomass energy production. In Europe, countries are moving towards carbon tax where as in the US, the discussion seems to still be focused on cap-and-trade.

For a quick (and funny) view on the drawbacks of cap-and-trade, check out the Story of Cap and Trade. For additional information between the two methods, check out this article (short) and this article (long). For information about trends in Europe on carbon tax check here.

Beds are Burning

2009-11-30T16:17:00.000-08:00

One week to go until Copenhagen. Here's a little pump up video in preparation of the conference.

Obama's heading to Copenhagen

2009-11-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

Obama announced today that he will be traveling to Copenhagen for the climate change discussions after numerous complaints from other countries and environmentalists about his lack of committment to climate change. He will be arriving to the talks early on in the two week period, on Dec 9, which will hopefully create more movement in the discussions during the beginning stages, rather than waiting for the last day or two as often happens.

In addition, Obama has announced some targets for greenhouse gas emissions, despite the Senate not acting on the current bill.

"Mr. Obama will offer to cut greenhouse gas emissions by 17 per cent from 2005 levels by 2020, a 30 per cent reduction by 2025 and a 42 per cent drop by 2030, the White House said." (Times Online)

Obama's suggested targets are based on previous figures outlined in the House and Senate during the past year.

"In June, the House passed a bill calling for greenhouse gas reductions of 17 percent below 2005 levels. Last month, a Senate committee passed a measure calling for a 20 percent cut, but that is expected to be weakened as the legislation moves through other Senate committees and onto the floor, perhaps next spring." (New York Times)

This will hopefully put more pressure on countries like China and India to also put significant targets on their reduction levels. Only two weeks to go, we'll see where things go from here.

Charter for Compassion

2009-11-22T13:55:00.000-08:00

How often have you heard that religion is the root cause of most wars? When and why has religion got associated with such tragedy and problems in the world and how does this relate with the core principles that religion is intended to stand upon?

It is sad to see so many potential bodies of good relabeled as the cause of unhappiness in the world. Having grown up in the church, I have met countless individuals working to create a better place in and for this world. Each of them deeply inspired and moved by the calling of Christ and desperately wanting to live that message out in their own lives. Many of these individuals have significantly influenced me in how I carry on day-to-day.

But historically, and recently, Christianity (along with many other religions) has sadly taken on a different image. I'm not proud of such an image, and I am often confused at how the central teachings in the bible can so easily be interpreted as uncompassionate teachings. We need to begin moving Christianity back to it's original intention and purpose.

Yet the shear size and weight of the issue is daunting - where do you begin to start unraveling that label?

Recently I came across a group called the Charter for Compassion, which works to bring together individuals from numerous faith traditions to stand united around compassion. Check out the videos below to hear about the conviction and motivation for starting up such a group.

Charter for Compassion:

Motivation Behind Charter for Compassion:

There's a lot that can be discussed around this issue and I think Karen Armstrong, the creator of the group, makes some important insights on the issue. In the video, she states "A lot of religious people prefer to be right, rather than compassionate." Perhaps we need to start there.

"The task of our generation, whether we are religious people or secular people, is to build a global community where people of all persuasions can live together in peace and harmony."

In the Know for COP15

2009-11-21T04:36:00.000-08:00

For anyone interested in learning the basics revolving around the upcoming Climate Change discussions taking place in Copenhagen in December (COP15), check out the GOOD Guide to COP 15.

It provides easy to understand explanations of the key issues, players, the treaty, and much more. I often turn to GOOD for their graphical representation of issues and data. For example, this illustration shows some of the big players involved at COP15 and how the countries are split up.

Change in Looks

2009-11-20T02:34:00.000-08:00

After 2.5 years, time for an updated look for this blog...

Answers in the shadows

2009-11-19T10:43:00.000-08:00

Dark, black, and flat.
All that differentiates it from beyond is the ripple of water,
A steady wind meanders through the scattered islands,
Softly yet forcefully sweeping along the water,
Causing an endless series of ripples moving from the shadows to the dock.

Car headlights.
Illuminating the motion of the wind
A chain emerging from the water, clinging to the dock above.
The weight of its links pulling heavy,
Longing to sink into the flickering light below.

It’s amazing how the darkness can completely change a landscape. So quiet, so mysterious. Constantly challenging our perception and view of our surroundings.

I find myself sitting here alone on an abandoned dock for the season. The boats have been removed from the water as winter approaches, and all that remains is this empty bench. The sky is dark, with a purple hue outlining the horizon. The water surrounding me performs a magical lightshow, reflecting glimmers of light from the town beyond.

Cars rush by in the distance and the sound of passing footsteps is muffled by the rushing wind. A heavy chill sinks into my bones, reminding me of the cold hard bench beneath me. I have no desire to move.

For in the cold and darkness, I find a beautiful peace resonating around me. It’s as if the water on all sides of me contains the keys to a long sought after question. The water stretches out into the distance, disappearing into the night sky, and a smile creeps across my face.

For what happens past those shadows I do not know. Where the water flows to and what other people are sitting on docks much like this one is beyond my understanding. Yet it’s reassuring to know that I have no idea how big or in which direction the water goes.

My problems, my challenges. My desires, and my ambitions, all currently reside in this town. On this dock. I carry them wherever I go.

I often like searching for answers. Running off to some new country to learn about their cultures and values. To gain a new understanding for the world around me and challenge my views to that point. Yet sometimes when a challenge arises, I too quickly feel the urge to run off somewhere else to find that answer.

How rarely do I take the time to find the abandoned docks around me and watch the dark water pass by. What if I started searching directly around me more often. What if the answers we are looking for are sitting right next to us, just disguised by the shadows, and waiting to be discovered.

Sometimes finding answers doesn’t come from searching for new land, but rather when we rediscover the land we’ve always walked upon.

Silence

2009-11-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

A reminder to slow down once in awhile...

I know I can get caught up in the habit of always working. Working and being busy is surprisingly relaxing for me, and when I want to get my mind off of something I start editing a movie or playing in photoshop to take a break.

But I'm beginning to realize that relaxing and taking a break are two different things. Perhaps what I'm really doing is relaxing by distracting my mind with another project. But taking a break is as it implies, stopping everything that's going on and soaking in the silence. Giving the mind time to fully recharge and recenter on what God may be trying to speak towards us. This is far different than relaxing.

But that's tough for me. Heck, even after watching the above video I found myself posting it on here first rather than taking a break from the computer and actually doing what the video said. Perhaps I should do that after I write this up...

Anyway, it's one of those things that I hope to improve upon, especially over the next few weeks as projects get more intense here in Sweden. But for now, it's time to go take a break :)

Are you the next sustainability leader...

2009-11-17T11:03:00.000-08:00

So who wants to come live in Sweden for a year or two... (and learn some pretty awesome stuff while you're at it)

Well now's your chance, the application period is opening up for the next year's Master's programs here at BTH. In addition to the Master's of Strategic Leadership towards Sustainability (MSLS) program, there will be a brand new 2 year program entitled Master's of Sustainable Product-Service System Innovation (MSPI).

Both programs are intended for early- to mid-career professionals. MSLS is for indidivuals with any background and lasts 1 year (this is the program I am currently in). MSPI is intended for industrial designers, industrial economists, engineers, or other similar fields and lasts for 2 years.

Education here at BTH is far different than what I was used to in the US. There is a heavy focus on learning from your fellow peers which involves lots of group work and projects. At first it took some getting used to, but after a few months in, the program has proven to be extremely beneficial and practical. A few people have described students leaving the program as the Swedish mafia, because graduates travel all across the globe and spread a contagious energy about the framework and ideas learned here at BTH. I'm quickly beginning to understand that feeling...

Anyway, there's lots I could go on to talk about with the program, but I'll save that for now. If you are at all interested or know of people that may be, please feel free to contact me and ask me questions. I love to talk about it! (and if you look closely in the brochures to download online, there's a few pics of me scattered throughout)

Applications must be submitted between Dec 1st and Jan 15th.

350 Videos!

2009-11-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

So after a month or so of editing and touching up, our 350 video from Karlskrona is finally complete! A few of the students in our MSLS program organized a human graph demonstrating where our current global CO2 emissions are, 389ppm (parts per million), and where they need to be for a safe level, 350ppm.

We were able to get a bunch of the members from the community involved and our footage was even shown across the world as part of the larger 350 movement (see some of the videos below).

A big thanks to everyone who helped out and made the event such a success! Now it's time to start working on the next film...

350 Karlsrkona - Human Graph

350.org Compilation Video (with Karlskrona in it at 1:35)

Another 350.org Compilation Video (with Karlskrona in it at 0:50)

And here's the original video I posted on the day of the event (for nothing special it already has 2,400 views!)

And lastly, a few bloopers...

Rain

2009-11-14T17:51:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I've shared some lyrics that stick out to me, so I thought it was about time to list another song. The one currently in my head is called "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe. This song was actually far more important a few years ago and helped remind me to take the time to lift my head and look around. Today I was reminded of it after it started raining outside, one of those reminders of the Swedish winter quickly falling upon Karlsrkona. So I started writing a bit to remind myself of the importance of rain, of difficult times, and what they have taught me in the past.

Once in a while the rain falls outside my window
The clouds deepen and the walls darken.
Beyond the pane of glass I can imagine the wind rushing through the trees,
Gliding swiftly amidst the buildings and over the cobblestone roads.

Yet within these walls, there is such peace
No rush of wind, no drizzle of rain.
And as the grass outside drinks in the rain falling upon it
I sit and soak in the stillness.

Sometimes we forget to acknowledge the walls all around us
Sheltering us from the rain and wind beyond.
For most of the time, the walls stand still
And we walk on by consumed with our tasks at hand.

But I've been in the rain before,
And I remember how desperately I longed for these very walls.
As I peer through the glass,
I can easily see all the areas outside offering up shelter.

From the tree at the bottom of the hill,
To the overhang across the street.
From the pavilion down in the park,
To the elderly lady walking with an umbrella.

Sometimes when we're standing in the rain
Our vision becomes obscure.
Rain drops falling upon our eye lashes
And the wind forcing our eyelids shut.

As the rain beats all around us
Our focus narrows.
We long so strongly for the walls
That we are blind to the temporary ones all around us.

Now here's a few of the lyrics from the song:

"I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above
because you are much greater than my pain
you who made a way for me, suffering your destiny
so tell me whats a little rain

Maybe since my life was changed. long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord, my only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times"

It's so easy to get caught in the rain, and to forget the larger picture of life. We live in the middle of a beautiful creation. We are blessed in more ways than we can comprehend. There are times that cause us to stumble, and times when we get wet. But after a while, you realize that those times come and go, and they are equally a part of this creation.

For more related to this, check out Rob Bell's video below. (split into two parts)

Leah Visits: Day 3 and 4

2009-11-12T15:10:00.000-08:00

(picking up from a previous post)

Day 3:

After a day full of hurdles and unexpected changes to our plan, Leah and I decided to spend the next day to relax and hang out around Karlskrona. We woke up later on Saturday and around lunch, went down to Wayne's Coffee. This was the first place I found internet in Sweden when I first arrived so it was neat to eat lunch with Leah at the place where I had originally talked to her so much.

After lunch, we walked into the center of town to explore the farmer's market and check out one of the churches. Next, we went to check out a small museum which I had heard a lot about since living here but had yet to visit. The museum is a single room and belongs entirely to a private collector. The owner of all the pieces was apparently interviewed by the film crew for the DaVinci Code and they traveled to Karlskrona before filming to ensure that they had all the details correct - this guy must know his stuff.

When we got to the basement, we were blown away by all of the art he had in this tiny space. Everything from Rembrant to Picaso to Cezanne to van Gogh to DaVinci, and we had the whole place nearly to ourselves. The owner even walked with us for a bit and explained some of the hidden details in the DaVinci piece. Go figure - Karlskrona has some pretty cool stuff hidden in all the random little buildings!

After that museum, we walked up to the Naval Museum where Leah was quite entertained by the spiral staircases, giant ship figureheads, and the underwater section of the museum (where you could walk underneath the museum and look through windows out to the ocean water). From there, we walked around more of the island and came across numerous odd signs that required a picture being taken with them.

It was a nice day of just walking and exploring areas of the town that I hadn't seen.

That night, we went to a local pizza shop where Leah experienced her first egg-on-a-pizza, in good old Swedish style! Because we were eating later than normal, the small pizza shop was completely empty so we had the chance to talk with the cook a lot, who tried to convince Leah to come live in Sweden, haha. After stuffing our stomachs, we came back to the apartment to rest - knowing that the following day would be quite busy.

Day 4:

On Sunday, we got up quite early, packed up all of the luggage, and jumped on a train to Copenhagen. After seeing all of Karlskrona quickly and efficiently, we decided to tack on a second country to the trip and go visit Denmark for the day. We booked a hostel in the center of Copenhagen and arrived by train just before lunch.

After dropping the bags off in the hotel room, we got out on the streets and started the long process of wandering. Having not researched the city one bit before leaving, we had no idea what there was to see or where to go. Despite this set-back, we managed to cover nearly the entire city in just a few hours.

Throughout this journey, we ran into...
- an entire village of people re-enacting the medieval period
- a man dressed in a cow-suit riding on a scooter
- a massive (and quite impressive) botanical garden with a beautiful conservatory
- a statue of the Little Mermaid that looks nothing like the Little Mermaid
- lots of kids in super-puffy snowsuits
- a buffet with unlimited amounts of bri cheese (Leah was a fan, sadly the ice cream was not included)
- and best of all, a huge halloween-themed amusement park (which unfortunately cost money so we didn't go in, and we had no time)

That night we had dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe and then the following morning, we loaded our stuff back up and got on the train. The first stop was the airport where Leah got off and prepared herself for the long trip back to State College (in comparison to my relatively short train ride back to Karlskrona).

So for four days, we managed to squeeze in more stuff than I had ever originally imagined. It was nice to see that our spontaneity hasn't disappeared and we picked things right up from back when I left in August. To get a better idea of our trip, check out the picasa site for pics of each day.

Needless to say, it was quite the worthwhile trip :) Now its just another month before I head back home for Christmas!

Understanding Climate Change Communication

2009-11-05T16:57:00.000-08:00

Here's another Grist article explaining why developing a legal-binding agreement (in comparison to a politically-binding agreement which does nothing) in Copenhagen is so crucial for developing countries. Unfortanetly it doesn't appear to be moving that direction largely due to the lack of speed put forth by the US.

To address the slowness of dealing with climate change (and on a more basic level, simply getting the general public to understand it), the Center for Research on Environmental Decisions recently released a comical manual outlining how to communicate climate change to others, and what goes on inside people's head to better understand the problem. Click here to download the manual - I'm reading through it now and will post interesting thoughts from it later.

Problems ahead for Copenhagen

2009-11-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

As explained in a recent Grist post, the unfortunate reality is that it's not looking likely that the hoped-for treaty will come about from the Copenhagen talks this December. This is mostly due to the lack of progress made by the UN negotiations and failure to pass a climate bill in the US.

Instead, negotiators are hoping to at least agree upon a politial framework to approach the climate issue. German Chancellor Angela Merkel commented: “Copenhagen was supposed to be a post-Kyoto regime. Now we are talking about a political framework, and negotiations will drag out longer until we get a treaty.”

Denmark has forged ahead and begun drafts of their own proposed text for the conference. We'll have to stay tuned to see what will ultimately emerge from the talks in just a few weeks.

Leah Visits: Day 1 and 2

2009-11-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

So two weekends ago, Leah went out of her way (by roughly 4000 miles) to come visit me in Karlskrona for a few days. She was on the plane for nearly as long as she was here, but it was definitely worth it. While here, the two of us walked almost non-stop for four days, getting the most out of our short trip together. Needless to say it was quite the adventure, here's just a few of the stories...

Day 1:

Today Leah arrived by train in Karlskrona around noon. After a long journey, we went back to my apartment to unload her luggage and get some food. As we were walking into my bedroom (no more than 30 minutes has gone by since arriving in Karlskrona) Leah managed to trip through my doorway. It's good to see that things haven't changed much since I left :)

After getting things settled in the apartment, we walked down to the town square where we went to a tiny kebab shop and both got falafelrulle (a wrap with falafel, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and a hidden pepper that you always have to be on the lookout for).

After lunch, Leah surprisingly felt up for walking around a bit and seeing the town so we went outside to see the one half of Karlsrkona. We explored a few places of the town that I have yet to see which was a lot of fun. We also explored (and identified) many of the plants in Karlskrona - most deffinitely something I haven't done yet.

After walking around a bit and taking a bunch of pictures, we came back to the apartment where we had homemade pizza with the rest of the gang. That night a few folks came over for karaoke but the trip from State College was beginning to catch up with Leah so we went to bed soon after.

Day 2:

The next morning, Leah and I jumped on a train to Kalmar, a town 1 hour north of Karlskrona along the coast. I had been planning on taking Leah there because they have an old Viking castle and a neat church, two things that Leah had mentioned she'd like to see while here.

Well, much to my surprise, the trip went slightly different than I expected. We arrived first at the castle and started by walking around the outside and then eventually, making our way to the inner courtyard. As we walked around, we noticed that it was surprisingly empty. Well I soon realized that unlike every other shop in Sweden, the castle is only open on weekends and closed throughout the rest of the week. So...site-seeing stop number one was a no-go.

That's alright, we made up for it by taking some really cool pictures of us outside the castle (because we had the whole place essentially to ourselves).

Next, we went to the nearby modern art museum, with much higher hopes after getting locked out of the castle. We went inside, bought our tickets, and proceeded to the first floor of exhibits. What we found was a room full of paintings and videos that, well, simply put, made no sense. Perhaps that was because all of the descriptions were in Swedish, but I still claim that none of the art made any sense. When a man jumping up and down naked on a TV mooning the camera is considered art, I simply shake my head.

But that's alright, because there were still two more floors ahead of us and we could only assume that it would get better from here.

On the next floor, there was a single door, which we went on through. It turns out that all there was was a library and office space for a few people. Most deffinitiely not a place where visitors were supposed to be walking around - so we quickly got out and proceeded to the final floor.

On the upper floor was supposed to be an exhibit about polar bears and seals...

When we opened the door, only one wall was covered in art and it looked like a random collection of children's paintings which sadly, did not include either a polar bear or a seal. Hanging from the middle of the room was a sheet which on it was projected a seal being stuffed by someone, being played on a loop.

Needless to say, it was the poorest museum I have ever been to, which is a shame because we were both big fans of modern art up until that point. (But we're still holding out hope for other places...)

After the museum, we walked to the center of the town where we passed by some neat old streets and shops and even a glassblower. Eventually, we found the church which we were quite excited to see. As the day would have it however, the door was locked for lunch so we took the forced break to grab some food at a nearby cafe (in which they were playing Star Trek - strange) An hour later, we walked outside and went inside the church, excited that we were finally about to see something.

But, as luck would have it, upon walking through the doors, we were greeted by the largest sheet of white plastic I have ever seen hanging directly in front of us. Confused, we walked up towards a section which had a clear window inserted and looked through to the other side - only to find that the entire inside of the church was being renovated and was nothing but dust and construction equipment.

At this point, we were beginning to feel slightly defeated so we headed back to the train station. We managed to arrive just in time and barely made it onto the train heading back to Karlskrona.

Slightly relieved that we were now heading back to 'home,' we found some seats and took a little rest. Amidst our rest, our train decided to take its good old time to get to where it was going, and by the time we had to get off halfway to switch trains, we were running 30 minutes behind schedule. That being said, we had missed our connecting train and were now stuck in a random town that no one has ever heard of, Emmaboda. So we talked to the train lady working there and she said we could grab a bus home but it wouldn't be another hour before it arrived.

By this point we had given up and were completely ammused with how the day was going and decided to hang out at the nearest (perhaps the only) cafe in town. Turns out the cafe had a thing for the 70s and it felt like we had stepped back in time to some disco place, but the food was great so we didn't mind.

A few hours later and we found ourselves finally back in Karlskrona, relieved after the craziness of the morning.

To make sure that we were somewhat productive for the day, we decided to head to my school to show Leah where all the studying happens (sort of). To get us there, I was planning on renting a tandem bike for the two of us, but as the day had shown, our luck wasn't going to get us the bike. So instead, we decided to do it like all the Swedish teenagers do - one person riding while the other sits on the carrying rack behind and holds their feet out to the side.

Who would have thought such a task would be so difficult. But let's just say that Leah's lack of grace when it comes to walking (ie tripping all the time) also carries over to her ability to sit behind me on a bike. We made it all of 50 feet before giving up and deciding to walk the bike to school, and somehow, in those 50 feet, Matt happened to ride by on his bike to witness the whole ordeal. I guess that's one task we're going to have to work on more for the future.

After getting to school, I realized that there really wasn't much to show - BTH is about the size of PSU's football stadium, well maybe slightly bigger, but you get the idea. So, I got the idea to show Leah our bike coop room in the basement. As we were heading to the basement door, I went to open it at the same time as a series of indivudals dressed in all black with road signs hanging around their neck emerged from the same basement door. Both of us jumped back as the group filed out of the basement followed by a man carrying a video camera and halloween axe. Oh the things you come across in Sweden... Turns out the bike room was locked but that incident alone was worth heading to the basement.

Satisfied that we had actually seen something for the day, we walked back to the apartment.

That night, we went out to dinner with Ali and Matt where we happened to run into our head professor of the program. Everything was fine until we realized that we were sitting under a bunch of pictures of naked girls at our table, slightly awkward, but oh well. The food was great and Ali and Leah even decided to try out their Swedish moves on the dance floor (granted it was just the two of them and their moves were more like a sprint around the dance floor while Matt and I continued walking by).

(stay tuned for more about Day 3 and 4...)

New Eyes. New Future.

2009-09-30T03:02:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been hooked on the whole documentary kick recently and find myself searching through different films online in my free time. Today, I came across a film called War/Dance – a story about children in northern Uganda who have been displaced from their homes because of violence and war. The film shows that many of these children have experienced horrible things in their lives and now, are united through song and use dancing as a way to escape from the past and live for the future.

It was a film that really pulled at me, and I found myself balancing tears of happiness and tears of sorrow. After watching films like these – that do nothing more then retell an individuals story – I can’t help but feel awful for the way we are leaving this planet and our society for the next generation.

When you listen to any of these children’s stories…when you understand what they have had to go through…when you watch their tears role down as they simply tell you about themselves – how can we do anything else but ask ourselves – is this how life was intended to be lived?

Back in the summer of 2007 when I visited Tanzania, I met a friend who has had more of an impact on me than I ever thought possible for only knowing someone for a few weeks. His name was Johnny, and he was an orphan. Johnny was abandoned by his mother shortly after his birth and was the unintended outcome of a failed, illegal abortion. As a result, Johnny is mute, suffers brain damage, and has a limp and deformed arm.

I’ve never met a kid with a bigger heart – or a bigger smile. I miss Johnny.

Although Johnny and I didn’t share a common language, and could only communicate through laughs, hand motions, and grunts – by the time I left, I knew Johnny’s story. In so little time, I learned to see the world through his perspective and his eyes. All of the sudden, I learned that life was about more than the difficulties thrown our way, and was more about our attitude towards handling them. Johnny learned that pretty quickly, and was one of the happiest kids I’ve met despite his challenges.

You know, when I think of the kids in our world, I have a renewed sense of hope. It’s easy to look around us and pick out the messed up, broken, and failed things we have created. We so easily overlook the children, quietly standing beneath our gaze waiting for their turn to make a difference. When will we stop, look down, and seek their knowledge?

Sure they don’t have the wisdom or skills that are developed with age, but I believe in the knowledge of a child. I believe in their simplicity, their curiosity, and their love.

So as I was watching War/Dance, all of these thoughts started rushing back to me from my time in Africa. At one point in the film, a child confronts one of the rebels who had abducted him a few years early and asks if he knows anything about his missing brother, who he hasn’t seen in years. He then goes on to ask why they continue to abduct and kill children when they know it is wrong.

I wish I had just a fraction of the bravery and courage it takes to ask questions like those. Let alone sit and wait for an answer…

But to a child, some things are simply black and white. Some questions have to be asked. And often their curiosity leads them to ask those questions. Why do you kill when you know it is bad?

We’ve gotten good at answering those questions by explaining the ‘grey’ areas in life or explaining the complexity of the situation. But have we missed the point. I understand we live in a complex world, but aren’t certain things still black and white. We’ve gotten so good at answering children s questions that we begin using those same answers on ourselves. But what if we took the time to listen to the answer from a child’s point of view…

One of the girl’s from the movie makes the comment “I’m excited to see what peace looks like…”

I am too.

Anyway, I couldn’t really articulate everything I was thinking above, so I wrote the following. Maybe one day we’ll start to take the advice from our children…

New Eyes. New Future.

I want to see the world through the eyes of a child.
I want to feel pain as a child,
experience joy as a child,
share a story as a child.

Sadly, I don’t know if I remember how to think like a child anymore.
I can categorize their actions,
Observe their behavior,
And speak about their brilliance,
But to think their thoughts is far too difficult.

I wish I could hold back the tears for just once,
wipe them all away.

What world have we created for those younger?
Is this what I am proud to hand over?
I often dream of my legacy, our legacy,
We flip through the pages of history
And sum up others’ actions in a few brief words.

But what records will there be of us?
What direction are we moving?
And do our children want to follow?

We are numb to the world we have created
And confused when children seemed shocked about that same world.
Can we open our eyes for just once
To see what we have created?

If the fate of tomorrow rests in our hands,
Then when will we grasp it and change it…

I hope I will be there
When the last bomb drops
And the last tear falls

I want to be there
When the armies scatter
And the guns drop

When soldier’s arms are open wide to embrace children,
And a mother is reunited with her daughter.

I’m excited to see what peace looks like…

For I’ve seen the smile of a child in the midst of war.
It is a smile that has weathered a storm, and even though it rains,
Manages to peak through and find a glimmer of light.

But imagine those same smiles in the midst of peace...
With no worries or fears,
No demons or nightmares.

A smile about the world around them,
Not for the world inside of them.

But until that day,
I will walk with the stories of those children in my heart.
Their pains, their joys, and their stories are not mine,
But I will hold onto them as a reminder

A reminder that we are all walking side by side.
We are simply passerbys on this planet,
With the hope that we would leave this world
a better place than how we found it.

Complexity of Water

2009-09-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

Donating money is easy; changing a lifestyle is hard.

Some of the people I know are extremely quick to offer money to aid and development groups whose goal is to 'serve the poor and underpriveleged.' This is great and I myself support many of these same groups. I don't think any less attention should be focused on these organizations.

However, it seem hypocritical and a cop-out for so many people to willing give their money to causes such as these (because of powerful marketing, inspiring personal stories, or shear size) but then live the rest of their lives with no regard to how personal life decisions impact the same cause that they were so quick to financially support.

So what am I trying to get at here, maybe it would help if I gave an example that sticks out to me. (Although honestly, I'm still looking up many of these issues to understand what it's all about)

As a society we have gotten really good at separating ourselves from the source of things. The Story of Stuff is an excellent summary of this problem, and shows how we very rarely know, or understand, where things that we use and consume come from. We're not taught to think of the larger system and processes involved. Rather we're taught to focus on the final product. I guess this would be one way to describe consumerism.

Let's consider the plastic water bottle as one example. To start, it is made from plastic, which is made from oil, which has a whole list of side-effects such as climate change, increased gaps between rich and poor, and increasing landfills. Plastic water bottles account for 1.5 million tons of waste each year, and require 50 million gallons of oil per year to produce. Sure it's great when they are recycled (although only 20% of all bottles are actually recycled), but is there even a need for the bottle in the first place? Additionally, it takes 'three times as much water to produce the bottle as it does to fill it.' Something just doesn't seem right...

Well let me back down a little bit, I don't want to start pointing my finger too quickly. It's easy to pick out flaws in others behavior (or in this case, partially my own), but I realize there are probably just as many problems that I need to overcome in my own life. None of us are perfect and when we loose humbleness, we loose our ability to empower others.

But back to the water bottles. Coming to Sweden, I made it a goal of mine to carry my aluminum water bottle with me everywhere so I wouldn't need to buy bottled water. So far, so good, and it's been at my side pretty much wherever I go (as evident by the numerous dents and scratches it has picked up over the last 4 weeks).

So the other day I started looking into the larger system and processes behind the water bottle industry that are so often disguised (or we're just too lazy to go look up ourselves). I came across a documentary called 'FLOW' which investigates water scarcity throughout the world and how multinational companies play a huge role in buying up poorer communities water resources to make a profit for themselves.

It's funny, in the past I often got (and still do get) pulled into the emotional side of developing countries having limited or no access to clean water. How can such a large proportion of society (we're talking about global society here, not western society) not have their basic right for water met when the rest of the world can easily go turn on a tap whenever we want? Something didn't seem fair, and who was doing anything about it?

So I often found myself supporting organizations who were drilling water pumps and developing products that sterilized dirty water.

But I never thought about how the water I drank and used in the western world was connected to those people.

What I started to learn from 'FLOW' was that the water I drink is more often than I realized connected to those same people that I always wanted to help - yet not in a very positive way. On top of the fact that larger water companies treat those communities fairly poorly, the money that I spent on their bottled water could have just as easily gone to directly supporting the organizations building the pumps in the developing world.

One estimate from the UN claims that 30 billion US dollars would be needed to provide clean water for the entire world. In just a single year, 3 times that much is spent on bottled water alone (taken from FLOW film).

So then I started looking into the difference between bottled water and tap water and sure enough, there's no difference. As much as the bottling companies would like us to think otherwise, the fact is that tap water is regulated by the U.S. EPA more stringently than bottled water is from the U.S. FDA.

Additionally, one research group found '38 different harmful chemicals, including painkillers, fetilizer and arsenic' in 10 popular brands of bottled water.

The more I researched the issue, the more surprising facts I found.

If you're at all interested in this issue or simply want to be more aware of global water problems, I would definitely recommend 'FLOW.' Check out the trailer and full-length film below.

FLOW Trailer

FLOW Full-length film

So when I start to think of issues like these and realize how little I actually knew about something that I use so frequently (water of all things, it nearly defines me, ha), I begin to realize how important awareness is. The same can be said for any other issue such as climate change, deforestation, sex trafficking, peace, or education.

The key is for our society to start questioning.

To stop being comfortable with what is, and be bold enough to make what should be.

Crossing the Tipping Points

2009-09-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

New research published in Nature outlines 10 life-sustaining bio-physical systems for society and shows how they have either crossed a crucial threshold or are near to crossing that limit.

As you can see from the illustration above representing the 10 systems, we have already crossed the tipping point for three of them: climate change, biodiversity loss, and the nitrogen cycle.

This paper attempts to numerically evaluate some of the main 'sustainability' problems facing our society. It is a similar approach to that of the Natural Step, which outlines the four sustainability principles that cannot be violated to ensure a sustainable society operating within the ecosphere.

The research put forth in Nature is a first attempt at identifying those limits, which is tricky business. In identifying planetary boundaries, we can show how close we actually are to crossing the 'rough' limits we've defined for the system. At the same time, it may encourage inaction on issues where we still have some wiggle room.

For more thoughts on the proposed framework (which is actually based in Stockholm), check out the following article and comments added by leading experts on a few of these issues.